Gimme One Reason to Stay Here, Part II

or, How to get women to make the first move.

Following on from here.

It would be nice won't it? Getting women to do the work for once. Here's a few ways I think will work.

1. Extensive plastic surgery, and serious waxing. Because no matter how much women deny it and want to believe that looks do NOT matter, and they are not shallow, it's BS. Looks do matter, and women are shallow. Sometimes.

From this.... to this.

2. Have a million dollars to blow. Pick up the tab, take her shopping at places where you can't pronounce the name. You're likely to be teased, flirted with, and even possibly kissed.

Chances are, you'll also go back with nothing more than blue balls. Said balls are also likely to shrink when you get your credit card bill at the end of the month.

Why are cows angry all the time?

See how you'd feel if you get your tits worked all the time and not get any.

Now for those of us who are not related to the Sultan of Brunei in any way, we might just have to settle for the other ways stated below.

3. Dress well. Let's face it. Humans like looking at pretty things. If you're not convinced that women are as shallow as men, look at the way they drool over completely inane things like bags, shoes, jewellery, the artist known as Rain...

That means you pay SOME attention to your dressing. A clean shirt, pressed pants, brush your teeth, and comb your hair. Oh, and cut your fingernails. Neantherdal charm is overrated.

And since womenkind has a tendancy to read wayyyyy too much into things, take a page out of their playing books. A friend told me once, that the reason why he goes for manicures is because, "It looks good, gives me something to talk to the gals about, and it doesn't give them a nasty scratch when I finger them run my hands over their back."

4. Eye Contact. When talking to a woman, look at her eyes. NOT her tits. Paying attention is subtle flattery as well as not-so-common courtesy. It is a lot harder when there are more interesting bits of course. You can have your fill later.

If a REALLY hot chick walks past, you are allowed to glance. After which, it goes back to the woman you're talking to. Do what you want AFTER you excuse yourself to go to the gents.

The front gun of the Apache Attack Helicoptor is said to follow the eye movement of the pilot.

There is now a dress code in most US air bases.

5. Be confident. Even if you are not, pretend to be, but do not over-compensate. Money, fast cars, snappy dressing don't make a man confident. It enhances confidence. If you have it, you have it. If you don't, go get it.

Nobody likes a wussy boy. You're a man. Act like one. If need be, rent and watch every. single. movie that Antonio Bandares starred in. Twice.

Take notes.

6. Learn to dance. The Vertical Expression of Horizontal Desire, Legalized by Music. No, Mambo moves at Zouk on a Friday night does not count.


7. If all else fail, there's something attractive about a man who's already taken. Maybe it's the lure of the forbidden fruit. Maybe the worth of the man is already proven, after all, another of the same species is willing to spend the rest of her life with him. Or maybe, it's...

Courtesy of this gentleman

Give Me One Reason To Stay Here

Lucky Kenny. Got sponsor to get him to write about one of my favourite topics - the mating dance between the male and female Homo Sapiens.

Sometimes I wonder, how the FUCK we evolved so complicated a mating ritual. And how, in spite of that (or maybe because of it), we manage to procreate and populate the whole goddam earth. If this does not reek of divine intervention, nothing does.

Anyways, I was reading his series sponsored, incidentally by Hugo Boss, and he thinks that in the enlightened society that we all live in now, women should take the initiative to make the first move as well.

Fact is, that women probably CAN make the first move. But guys,

GIVE THE GAL A REASON TO!

Like it or not, the onus is back on us. There's a reason why women doll up for a night out.

They dress up nice, bathe, do their hair, do their nails, shave their legs, shave their armpits, get shoes, change shoes, go back change dress again, paint nails, realize fingernails don't match toenails, paint toenails, fuck up the manicure, do it again, spray perfume, realize the scent wrong, bathe again........

Finishing touches on 4 hours of work

It is, correct me if I'm wrong, to appear attractive to us! They give US a reason to hit on them.

And if you don't understand how uncomfortable make-up is, gentlemen, I urge you, think back on your army days. To the days of camo on the face, and parade-ready uniforms. On top of that, heels are fucking tough.

the man's version of make-up

Fact is, dudes, you probably won't hit on a gal at a club with unkempt hair, streaked make-up, and rumpled clothes, and probably sweating from over exertion on the dance floor. Likewise, you won't hit on a gal that can't keep up her end of the conversation and look at you like a deer- in-the-headlights. And I'm pretty certain you will NOT find it a turn on even if said gal is staring at your package.

Want her to hit on you?

So what makes you think that if you appear like that to a woman at the mating grounds (also called club), she's gonna find you irresistably attractive and throw herself at you? ESPECIALLY when there are 271 other men vying for her attention, AND of which 269 are actually making moves on her?

So yeah it's fine for women to make the first move. But men, for the love of progeny. Give them a reason to come over and ask for your number!

To Be Continued.