Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The WFF Theory Part I - Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Right, as the creator of the "Worst-Foot-Forward Theory" I figured that it would do the world a whole lot of good to hereby formally lay this theory down in word, for posterity, or until this msg sinks into oblivion.

What exactly IS the Worst-Foot-Forward (WFF) theory?

Before I go into that, one must aquint oneself with the flipside.

The one thing that almost ALL men do when they meet the "girl of their dreams". It is something I like to name the "Best-Foot Forward Theory" .

The BEST-foot forward theory is divided into 2 stages. Kinda like walking.

Stage 1, our dear boy puts his best foot forward.
Stage 2, the other foot needs to take a step foward, equal to or past where the best foot lands.

What's stage one like? Stage one is natural. Like breathing. Guy likes Gal. Guy will invariably end up putting his best foot forward in an attempt to win her over. Picnics, flowers, and chocolates galore. There'll be serenades, late night conversations, and 237 other things that only a man in a fit of testosterone-enhanced inspiration can think of.

This of course, usually is during the phase of something commonly called, "the honeymoon period". Somewhere along of the way, in the best of circumstances, the recipient of said attention becomes completely enamoured and hence 2 hearts embark on a journey together.

The result? NOT happily ever after.

Some time along the way, dear friends, something's gotta go.

And as it is with ALL humans who typically have 2 feet (the third is NOT for walking. Get yer mind outta the gutters dammit!), and when we walk through life, we tend to use both feet.

As such, The OTHER FOOT will have to take another step forward EVENTUALLY.

No male in the whole wide world is completely limitless in cash, time, energy, OR ideas. In other words, our hero is guilty, of being HUMAN.

The uneviable result of course, are these dreaded words, "But you used to do all these things for me!" and they're often followed by THESE words, "You don't love me anymore!!!"

Hands up all those who have had this happen before.

What it truly boils down to, is this simple question that both parties have to answer.

Take away all the flowers, presents and chocolate. Take away the glam and the glitter, the butterflies and the birds and the bees. Can our female protagonist take the rude awakening that maybe this guy in front of her is just human after all?

And for guys, when you wake up in the morning, and look at your gal, can you truly take her without make up, hair all mussed up, and morning dragon breath, kiss her on the lips and say, "Morning, beautiful"?


Having survived this critical stage (I put it, after careful observation, to be between 4-6 months into the relationship), and answering the question of "Can you accept the WHOLE of me?" THEN AND ONLY THEN is a relationship starting.

This ladies and gentlemen, is the BEST case scenario. Worst case scenario? Not a broken heart. Nay friends. This is not-so-bad. The worst case, is when the chap gets strung along like a yo-yo and used as a safety net, intentionally or otherwise.

That, friends really and truly SUCK beyond measure.

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