Women Are To Be Loved...

Not understood. This is my new mantra. Oscar Wilde is a smart man.

Boys, certain things work. Don't ask why. Just know that they do, and use it. Kinda like driving a car from Point A to Point B. You don't have to figure out the physics and chemistry that go into making the engine, like Nike says, Just Do It.

1. Chocolates almost always work. Have an emergency stash of her favourites around at all times.
2. She will shop. Always. Bring a Book.
3. She. Comes. First. The only exceptions are when she says so. This is non-negotiable.
4. When she rants, listen. Offer sayang before you offer solutions.
5. Make her look good on the dance floor, and every man will look at her. Every woman, would look at YOU.

Once I find out other things, I'll put it up.

Definition: Nice Guy

Alright, this I need to understand. For the sake of MANkind, when women and girls say that they want a NICE guy, what EXACTLY are they looking for?

My English teacher has said that the word nice is an ambiguous word. Much like OK, or can lah or mai hiam. Nice, can mean everything from something short of the devil incarnate, to Mahadma Ghandi the Second.

And since nobody has ever asked this before, I'm gonna do it. Ladies and, well, girls,

DEFINE NICE GUY.

You now have your essay topic. Now fire away. You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say and use can and will be used in the court of the sexes.

I, as well as about half the human race, await your enlightening response.

Focus Women!

Is this really what's going on in women's heads? DAMN


Makeout Session - These bloopers are hilarious

Thought of the Day

I do not pick up women. I make new friends, dammit.

That's me, a friendly kinda guy.

The Male Sixth Sense

It is often complained by the fairer sex that we men are insensitive. That we have the intuition of a large rock, and just about as much fashion sense.


And let's be fair. It's true, most of the time.


However, there's one tiny, little known "sixth sense" in the human male that gets conditionally triggered. This sex sense makes the male hyper sensitive to non-verbal cues.


This, what is coined by yours truly to be, the "someone's-pissing-in-my-territory" instinct, is present in all human beings and particularly apparent in the male because of the lack of sensitivity in nearly all other areas.


We men KNOW when another guy/gal/living thing is interested in our significant other. And when we do, the horns come out, the teeth are bared, and suddenly testosterone fills the air and we're ready to "defend our territory".
And like in women, there are men whose sixth sense is hyper-sensitive. The general rule is, the more insecure the man, the more sensitive that sixth sense. In certain cases, this is so extreme that anything male within a 50m radius triggers territorial instincts.


Wanna see the sex sense in action? Try going to a club any Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, and you can see it in action. Field trip anyone? Heh heh heh

Of Men and Sex

Maybe this will give a little more insight into why men are what they are.

It's the testosterone I tell you. The frigging testosterone!!

There I think that'll have summarized Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus in about 15 minutes.

It's All True!

A woman showed this clip about men and women to me. I now consider it my social responsibility to share it with the rest of the world.

All true, folks. Even if you think otherwise.

Gimme One Reason to Stay Here, Part II

or, How to get women to make the first move.

Following on from here.

It would be nice won't it? Getting women to do the work for once. Here's a few ways I think will work.

1. Extensive plastic surgery, and serious waxing. Because no matter how much women deny it and want to believe that looks do NOT matter, and they are not shallow, it's BS. Looks do matter, and women are shallow. Sometimes.

From this.... to this.

2. Have a million dollars to blow. Pick up the tab, take her shopping at places where you can't pronounce the name. You're likely to be teased, flirted with, and even possibly kissed.

Chances are, you'll also go back with nothing more than blue balls. Said balls are also likely to shrink when you get your credit card bill at the end of the month.

Why are cows angry all the time?

See how you'd feel if you get your tits worked all the time and not get any.

Now for those of us who are not related to the Sultan of Brunei in any way, we might just have to settle for the other ways stated below.

3. Dress well. Let's face it. Humans like looking at pretty things. If you're not convinced that women are as shallow as men, look at the way they drool over completely inane things like bags, shoes, jewellery, the artist known as Rain...

That means you pay SOME attention to your dressing. A clean shirt, pressed pants, brush your teeth, and comb your hair. Oh, and cut your fingernails. Neantherdal charm is overrated.

And since womenkind has a tendancy to read wayyyyy too much into things, take a page out of their playing books. A friend told me once, that the reason why he goes for manicures is because, "It looks good, gives me something to talk to the gals about, and it doesn't give them a nasty scratch when I finger them run my hands over their back."

4. Eye Contact. When talking to a woman, look at her eyes. NOT her tits. Paying attention is subtle flattery as well as not-so-common courtesy. It is a lot harder when there are more interesting bits of course. You can have your fill later.

If a REALLY hot chick walks past, you are allowed to glance. After which, it goes back to the woman you're talking to. Do what you want AFTER you excuse yourself to go to the gents.

The front gun of the Apache Attack Helicoptor is said to follow the eye movement of the pilot.

There is now a dress code in most US air bases.

5. Be confident. Even if you are not, pretend to be, but do not over-compensate. Money, fast cars, snappy dressing don't make a man confident. It enhances confidence. If you have it, you have it. If you don't, go get it.

Nobody likes a wussy boy. You're a man. Act like one. If need be, rent and watch every. single. movie that Antonio Bandares starred in. Twice.

Take notes.

6. Learn to dance. The Vertical Expression of Horizontal Desire, Legalized by Music. No, Mambo moves at Zouk on a Friday night does not count.


7. If all else fail, there's something attractive about a man who's already taken. Maybe it's the lure of the forbidden fruit. Maybe the worth of the man is already proven, after all, another of the same species is willing to spend the rest of her life with him. Or maybe, it's...

Courtesy of this gentleman

Give Me One Reason To Stay Here

Lucky Kenny. Got sponsor to get him to write about one of my favourite topics - the mating dance between the male and female Homo Sapiens.

Sometimes I wonder, how the FUCK we evolved so complicated a mating ritual. And how, in spite of that (or maybe because of it), we manage to procreate and populate the whole goddam earth. If this does not reek of divine intervention, nothing does.

Anyways, I was reading his series sponsored, incidentally by Hugo Boss, and he thinks that in the enlightened society that we all live in now, women should take the initiative to make the first move as well.

Fact is, that women probably CAN make the first move. But guys,

GIVE THE GAL A REASON TO!

Like it or not, the onus is back on us. There's a reason why women doll up for a night out.

They dress up nice, bathe, do their hair, do their nails, shave their legs, shave their armpits, get shoes, change shoes, go back change dress again, paint nails, realize fingernails don't match toenails, paint toenails, fuck up the manicure, do it again, spray perfume, realize the scent wrong, bathe again........

Finishing touches on 4 hours of work

It is, correct me if I'm wrong, to appear attractive to us! They give US a reason to hit on them.

And if you don't understand how uncomfortable make-up is, gentlemen, I urge you, think back on your army days. To the days of camo on the face, and parade-ready uniforms. On top of that, heels are fucking tough.

the man's version of make-up

Fact is, dudes, you probably won't hit on a gal at a club with unkempt hair, streaked make-up, and rumpled clothes, and probably sweating from over exertion on the dance floor. Likewise, you won't hit on a gal that can't keep up her end of the conversation and look at you like a deer- in-the-headlights. And I'm pretty certain you will NOT find it a turn on even if said gal is staring at your package.

Want her to hit on you?

So what makes you think that if you appear like that to a woman at the mating grounds (also called club), she's gonna find you irresistably attractive and throw herself at you? ESPECIALLY when there are 271 other men vying for her attention, AND of which 269 are actually making moves on her?

So yeah it's fine for women to make the first move. But men, for the love of progeny. Give them a reason to come over and ask for your number!

To Be Continued.

The Bits Romance Authors Miss

"If you want your Prince Charming to ride in on a horse, expect him to smell like one too."

- ME. In a conversation with a friend about men and women.

I Give Up

This sums up the eternal mystery that is woman. Thank you sis.

"Women don't know what they want. But they know when what they want is missing."

Any way you look at it, gentlemen, we're screwed over 15 different ways to the moon.

Forget about understanding your woman/men. Just enjoy them.

The Pursuit of Happyness?

"If there was a girl you like, would you pursue?"
"Within limits yes"
"Don't be a Singaporean, of COURSE it's within limits. But the question is would you pursue?"
"Yeah well, what the point of going so far out of the way during pursuit? Once you get the girl, how long can you sustain being at that level?"
"Ah, then it's about communication, it's about compromise, it's about the relationship."

And then I remember Hitch, "YOU are a very fluid concept right now."

Maybe, just maybe it is not the would or would not. But rather it is the "pursue" that needs a new definition. Oh, and the communication after of course.

PS. If you have not watched Hitch, watch it. If you have, watch it again. And take notes this time.

So Quoth I, On Men and Women...

Was helping a friend out, finding quotes for her presentation when I came across this.

"A man who will not lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings” - Olin Miller

“A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them” - Ninon de Lenclos

So true... So true. But this one from Henry Kissinger takes the cake.

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.”

Maybe the only reason why men and women fight is so that they can make out *ahem* up.

Be Nice. Why?

Now I got this from something I was reading, "The Power of Ethical Obligation", by Robert Ringer.

"In one study, researcher Dennis Regan had two individuals try to sell raffle tickets to unsuspecting workers. One individual made a conscientious effort to befriend the workers before attempting to sell any tickets.

The other individual made a point of being rude and obnoxious around the workers. While on a break, the individual who had previously been rude to his prospects bought them drinks before trying to get them to buy tickets.

The results of the study showed that the rude individual actually sold twice as many raffle tickets, even though the other had been so much nicer and more likable. "

Now WHY is this the case? Aren't we always taught to be nice to people? So WHY does the asshole perform better?

Remember the commercial where the hubby is really nice to his wife? The one where he said he puts his TV on record and lets her watch Anthony Bourdain, dances with her, and as a last straw, offer to do the dishes.

What happens?

Wife runs off to the mother and goes "Mommy, he's cheating on me!" One wonders why that's the case.

I mean, sure, us modern boys have always been taught to be nice to girls. The fairer sex, protect the women, we're told. But seriously, do women REALLY want good boys? Sure, many of my female friends say. But we all know that women rarely mean what they say, and they almost never say what they mean.

I seriously doubt they are about to start now.

What's Love Gotta Do With It

Welcome to the season of hearts, flowers and everything pink and fluffy.

Bah humbug.

Truth be told, Valentine's has never been easy for me.

When I have somebody, it's the stress of getting a Valentine's day present, and then stressing on dinner reservations, and then wondering if I'm actually gonna be able to survive the rest of the month after splurging.

When I don't, it's one of the rare times in a year that I actually feel lonely.

Anyways, here are some things that I wonder about this whole Valentine's Day thing:

1. Why are GUYS the ones that have to do everything?
Here, ladies. You try planning everything and have the entire retail industry gang up on ya while you're trying to make your man smile, and let's see how YOU like it.

2. However much the gal says "there's no need for flowers", she's not gonna say no to them.
Know how boys have pissing competitions? This might be the one time a year, where the ladies go "mine's bigger than yours. HA!"

3. Now exactly HOW many good ideas do you have?
Think about it. How often do you have to come up with something unique? Birthdays, Christmas, yearly anniversaries, monthly anniversaries, Valentine's, A random pampering out of the blue... Presents, flowers, food places, activities.

Unless he or she's a professional party planner, how long before any normal man, woman or child runs out of good ideas? (David Tuttera is gay btw, and he's got an entire team to back him up. Ask the executive director of HIS show if he ever misses his boyfriend's birthday.

4. Escalating expectations
Let's face it. Men are not only easily satisfied, the majority of us take the BBQ mentality to a relationship. In other words, it's a big ass burn at the start, settling into a slow, consistent grill.

Women, on the other hand, take the forest-fire mentality. Start with a spark, and then it gradually develops over time, bigger and bigger till the entire forest's consumed. Give in to her every whim and pleasure, and chances are, it won't be long before you have to pull a Bruce Almighty, and actually bring the moon down from the sky.

5. Too much of a good thing.
The Chinese have a saying, "Shark's fin every day, and you'll get bored." Let's face it. Humans are a forgetful, ungrateful lot. Never changed from the time of the pharoahs and Isrealites, not gonna change now. Men AND women often don't learn the value of something until it's gone.

Remember and celebrate all the holidays and sooner or later, you're gonna get bored of it. In my words to a friend, it's called "spoiling your own market". Go figure.

-------------------

And yet, in spite of all this, we men, the dumber of the species, would do virtually anything, just to see the one we love, gasp in surprise and smile, if only for an instant. Yeah, we're clueless, silly and often unimaginative.

Our one redeeming quality? That we love you, and I reckon that makes up for a lot of it, eh? So forget the trappings, forget the things that we do or don't, the times we piss each other off, the stupid, dorky presents or the lack thereof, and just focus on that, eh?

Happy Valentine's everyone.