Disappointment with God

Danger! This post may mindfuck you and change your thoughts about divinity. Read on at your own risk.

3 questions plagued me since I was a kid trying to defend my faith to those around me.

3 questions people ask me, and I have never been able to give a satisfactory accounting of what I believe in.

3 questions. Simple, yet most religious types in the world cringe whenever these questions get asked.

Is God Unfair?
Is God Hidden?
Is God Silent?

How many times have we ourselves asked that same question? How often have we begged for a sign that there's a higher power and that supernatural force answer in a whirlwind or in a thunderstorm?

For students, probably every time we have exams and we haven't studied. (For me, that's nearly every single exam in uni.)

In times of crisis, in times of pain and despair. We shout for divine presence to take the pain away. For our lives to be smooth, or for a sudden flash of divine intervention and we wake up, and it is all a bad dream.

And rarely does this supernatural being respond. In fact, the response is an exception rather than a norm.

And then I read a book written by a christian, "Disappointment with God". It was a present given to me by my cousin and his wife for christmas. Strange. These 2 people are staunch to the point of being anal, it's christmas, and THEY want me, the black sheep in the family, to read a book that deals with God pissing off and upsetting people? Are they NUTS?

I took a plug at it anyways. After all I finished Asimov's Foundation series, and there's nothing much else interesting on the shelves that I have not read a dozen times.

The book blew me away.

I'm not saying I immediately accept what the book says, but to answer those three questions, it poses a few more questions to present another perspective to us. Here are a few what ifs (Gen! How about it? A page from your book ;))

What if, in creating man and giving him free will, God is looking for Man to love him back, without compulsion, without Him forcing that love?

Think back to the comedy, Bruce Almighty. What is the ONE RULE that God (Morgan Freeman) told Bruce (Jim Carrey)? That Bruce can do absolutely ANYTHING but he cannot compel anyone to love him. What if God CAN change all of us into adoring puppets, but He chooses not to? What if he set us free, knowing that most will reject him, and only some will come back? Yet He loves every single one of His creation?

What if, the reason why God does not speak out in thunder and lightning, and smite the blasphemer, is because He has tried it, and instead of inspiring love, what He got was fear and a "lover" that strained to break away?

If you have ever read the Old Testament, that was what it was like for them. God was with them, every single step of the way. No ambiguity, no question about it. If you have a tame cloud pillar cum whirlwind leading you at every step, you reckon you can doubt the presence of God? But consider this. With God looking at you every step of the way, how long before you tak boleh tahan?

What if, in restraining Himself from interferring, it nevertheless pains Him beyond belief, the same way we, as people, let our lovers go, knowing the kind of pain and lonliness they will face without us with them?

Yet we must, because we cannot hold them back without taking away their choice to choose. We watch as our lovers go away, and we stand by and watch their every step, feel every single cut, share their joys and their woes from the sidelines, every time, pulling ourselves back from jumping in, waiting... Always waiting for them to turn around and open their arms to us, so we can jump in and sooth their pains, and kiss away their sorrows.

The pain, the agony, the absolute torture of having to hold ourselves back, even when we know we have the ability to banish it all with a wave of the hand. Consider this, and then consider what it must be like for God.

Also consider this, a lot of the time, simply because we know the reason something happens, doesn't mean that we accept it. Even if we are given irrefutable proof, does not mean we believe. Why? Cos we humans are egotistical, hard-assed, thick-headed numbskulls. It takes a rather exceptional person to change once he has been proven wrong.

In fact, someone has once said that never in history has an argument has ever been won by force of arms or logic. Why? Cos the more we MAKE someone take our point of view, whether by force, or by logic, the person will remain all the more grounded in his or her view. Don't believe it? Try convincing your mom or dad that it's ok for you to stay out late. Heck, no. Write a freaking THESIS on why it is ok for you to stay out late. Try it. Go on, see if it's gonna be worth so much toilet paper. And you wonder why God doesn't just come out and explain himself.

Sometimes, I wonder. Is it because God is silent? Or is it because we are blind and deaf? Is it, just because God doesn't answer the way we want Him to, we call God silent, cruel and unfair.

So before we start throwing dirt in the air, and screaming injustice at God, watch Bruce Almighty again. And consider this, be careful what you wish for. Because, when you get it, you might wish you have never laid eyes on it.