The Inscurity Blanket

Insecurity. So prevalent, it is almost a pre-requisite for being human. We all have a little of it, and the way it influences ou actions and thoughts often impacts how we live our lives and treat the people around us.

Recently I noticed that we like to wrap this insecurity about us. Like the oppsite of Linus' security blanket, or the direct opposite of rose tinted glasses. And strangely enough, just like the opposite of rose tinted glasses, we often turn this view inwards.

Why is insecurity so comforting that we would rather wrap ourselves up in it than shed it aside and see things for what they really are? Why does a strong man want to think of himself weak? Or a beautiful woman ugly, a rich person poor, or a powerful one, impotent?

I have it as well. My little shred of an insecurity blanket. I was asked in two days, by two different people why it is that I'm lounging. And maybe, just maybe I'm slacking because I have tried to aim for the stars at one time, fell badly, and now instead of standing at the precipice, ready to take another plunge, I am scared to even approach the edge, and am just comfortable where it's safe.

Perhaps it is the idea of with great power comes great responsibility. That if we acknowledge ourselves to be capable, we then become duty bound to exercise our gifts. And in that exercise, we have to acknowledge that we might possibly have a responsibility to ethics.

I have always held Marianne Williamson's quote from "A Return to Love" close to my heart, and I realize now that it might not be a poem for all of us, even though it was written that way. It is for the people who are finally willing to shed their insecurity blankets and live it up. For the ones who are kicking ass and taking names.

I am reminded again, that before we become, it must first be real inside our heads. Once it is real inside, reality will catch up. That, is the simplest, and the hardest lesson of all.

From Marianne Williamson's "A Return To Love"

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Just Do It

“Knowing is not enough, you must apply; willing is not enough, you must do.” - Bruce Lee

Quotes From Troy

How is it that normal people become heroes? What defines a legend? Sometimes it is just a man, woman or child trapped in extraordinary circumstance, and acting according to his or her own beliefs.

I liked Gemmell's retellings of old legends because they make the heroes human. People who are no different from any other, who just happen to be trapped in rather strange circumstances. The hero, in these cases, do not have farts that smell of roses nor do flowers bloom where they walk.

Sometimes, it is the ordinary that inspire legends.

"Love is a mystery. We embrace it where we can. Mostly we do not choose whom we love. It just happens. A voice speaks to us, in ways the ear cannot hear. We recognize a beauty that the eye does not see. We experience a change in our hearts that no voice can describe. There is no evil in love, Kalliope" 


"'You said storytellers fashion truth from lies? How can that be?' she asked him. 
"'A question I have long pondered,' He pointed at Bias. 'I once told a tale about a winged demon who attacked the Penelope. I said that Bias, the greatest spear thrower in the world, hurled a javelin so powerfully that it tore through the demon's wings and saved the ship from destruction. Bias was so taken with the story that he practised and practised with the javelin, and finally won a great prize at a King's Games. You see? He had become the greatest, because I lied about it. And therefore it was no longer a lie.'
"'I understand,' said Piria. 'And how can the truth be made into a lie?'
"'Ah, lass, that is something none of us can avoid.' Bending down, he scooped up the small clay plate...
"' My point is that truth is a mass of complexities, made up of many parts. What is truth to you?... Truth or lies? Both? It depends upon perception, understanding, belief. So, to return to your original question, it is not hard to make the truth a lie. We do it all the time, and mostly we don't even know it.'"

"She looked up at him. 'Are you in love with me?'...
"He looked into her eyes, and she felt the power of his grey gaze. 'My feelings are my own,' he said at last. 'All I know is that you are sailing for Troy to be with someone you love. If you will allow me I will see you safely there.' 
"'I could never love a man in the way that he would desire. You understand that?' 
"'Have I asked you to love me?' he countered.
"'No.'
"'Then the problem does not arise.'"

"'There is a darkness in you. In all of us, probably. Beasts we keep chained. Orginary men have to keep the chains strong, for if we let the beast loose then society will turn upon us with a fiery vengeance. Kings though... well, who is there to turn upon them? So the chains are made of straw. It is the curse of kings, Helikaon, that they can become monsters.' He sighed. 'And they invariably do.'" 

There is a reason I read fiction. Because often stories describe abstract ideas better that the writings of scholars.

Good Advice

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” - Bob Marley

I think it applies to both women AND men don't you?

Honour And Reputation

"I wouldn't have called it a lecture. Just a useful distinction, to clarify thought." He spread his hand, palm up, in a gesture of balance. "Reputation is what other people know about you. Honour is what you know about yourself."

"Hm"

"The friction tends to araise when the two are not the same..."

"... There is no more hollow feeling than to stand with your honour shattered at your feet while soaring public reputation wraps you in rewards. That's soul-destroying. The other way around is merely very, very irritating."

..."But if you're really asking for advice from my accumulated experience, I'm saying, Guard your honour. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards"

- A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold

Who says you don't learn anything useful from Sci Fi?

What is Possible?

My brother recently made me read a book about violence in the real world. It is interesting because it goes beyond violence. It explore a lot of self defence, and mental states, and recovery from traumatic experiences.

This is a paragraph that I found really interesting.

"Permission and initiative combine to produce a force of nature. It is inhuman and hard to describe. You do what needs to be done without regard for whether it is possible, because nine-tenths of your 'impossibilities' are imaginary. Strange that a 110-pound girl believes that she can't hurt a 200 pound man, but an eight pound cat (especially if you dump a bucket of water on it) can and will do so without hesitation.

A small woman can punch hard enough to break ribs, and it is far less a matter of 'know-how' than it is of deciding to injure and then letting herself do it... in the end, the critical difference between me and them is that they have completely lost their allegiance to regular human suppositions about what is and isn't true, is and isn't possible.

They lose their sense of reality through chemicals, and sometimes I can give up mine and even the playing field"

- Meditations on Violence, Sgt. Rory Miller

Taking an extrapolation, what if it is not violence? What if this concept is applied to each and every aspect of our lives, our work and personal lives?

When we lose what our preconceived notions on what is possible, what can we achieve? Are we subconsciously limiting ourselves because we think that that'll make us fit in?

Thoughts to consider

The Best Proclaimation of Faith I Have Read

"It isn't a matter of faith. It's a matter of logic."

"Of course it is! Either God exists, or He doesn't. Those are really the only two possibilities. If He does exist, as I believe all three of us believe He does, then ultimately, anything which promotes truth will only tend to demonstrate His existance. And even if that weren't true, if He exists, then whatever happens will be what He chooses to allow to happen - even if, for some reason beyond my comprehension, what He chooses is to have mankind turn against Him, at least for a time."

"If He doesn't, He doesn't. But if He doesn't, then none of it will matter anyway, will it?"

"I'm quite confident about which of those two possibilities apple. But as I believe I've already told you, men must have the right to refuse to believe before they truly can believe. And if it turns out I've been wrong all my life, what have really lost? I will have done my best to live as a good man, loving other men and women, servinv them as I might, and if there is no God, then at the end of my life I'll simply close my eyes and sleep. I there truly anything dreadful, anything to terrify any man, in that possibility? It isn't that I fear oblivion - it's simply that I hope for and believe in so much more."

- quoted from By Schism Rent Asunder, David Weber.

And I Quote... On Pain

Taken from White Night, by Jim Butcher

"What we hadn't known about, back then, was pain.

"Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids, don't.... We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.

"Each time, you come of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavours of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar, and safe into the unknown.

"There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all your plans and expectations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

"And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.

"Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

"Pain is part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things:

It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. The it passes away, and leaves you changed.

"It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."

A Gentle Reminder

Sometimes, we do need a reminder. A kick in the arse as it is. And therefore, from One of the Great Orators of Our Time:

"Never give in -- never, never, never,

never, in nothing great or small, large or petty,

never give in except to convictions

of honour and good sense.

Never yield to force;

never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Winston Churchill, the one we call the British Bulldog.

Other quotes can be found here.

Me Edmund, Me Strong

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Well looks like Mr. Murphy has deemed fit to give me a crash course in fitness. Right now, I can probably arm wrestle Superman and fucking win.

Nabeh.

Random Word of Wisdom

"The zit on your face is always biggest in your mirror."

- Edmund

Lessons from Sitcoms

From the Sitcom "How I Met Your Mother", when Patrick tries to excuse himself from setting Ted up with an "escort" that turns out to be really a Paralegal

"Look, you knew that Mary was a sure thing. If you were that confident with all the other women in your life, you'd get laid a lot more often!"

Or something like that.

True, how true.

This is HILARIOUS

"President Bush recently had some polyps removed from his colon. Sometimes polyps can turn cancerous, but I doubt his are. After all, President Bush hasn’t had much luck finding weapons of ass destruction."

- The Dilbert Blog

HA HA HA!

The Bits Romance Authors Miss

"If you want your Prince Charming to ride in on a horse, expect him to smell like one too."

- ME. In a conversation with a friend about men and women.

Age VS Maturity

"Age has NOTHING on maturity. It just means that the person's got more practice being a kid."

- ME. In a conversation with a friend at 3:30am.

I Give Up

This sums up the eternal mystery that is woman. Thank you sis.

"Women don't know what they want. But they know when what they want is missing."

Any way you look at it, gentlemen, we're screwed over 15 different ways to the moon.

Forget about understanding your woman/men. Just enjoy them.

The Pursuit of Happyness?

"If there was a girl you like, would you pursue?"
"Within limits yes"
"Don't be a Singaporean, of COURSE it's within limits. But the question is would you pursue?"
"Yeah well, what the point of going so far out of the way during pursuit? Once you get the girl, how long can you sustain being at that level?"
"Ah, then it's about communication, it's about compromise, it's about the relationship."

And then I remember Hitch, "YOU are a very fluid concept right now."

Maybe, just maybe it is not the would or would not. But rather it is the "pursue" that needs a new definition. Oh, and the communication after of course.

PS. If you have not watched Hitch, watch it. If you have, watch it again. And take notes this time.

The Secret of Dancing

Here are the truly important things when it comes to dancing.

"The first thing I'm going to teach you," said Siggy,"is the most important thing. I'm going to teach you how to ask someone to dance."

"Listen," she said. "Let's get something straight from the very beginning. When you ask someone to dance, you are NOT asking them to make love to you... You aren't asking them to marry you... Or go steady, or anything of the sort... It's communication, Nathaniel. It's a way to know someone."

"I'll tell you another secret," she said. "You can look right into someone's face without being embaressed... It takes some time, but you can look at someone without invading their space, without intruding; and without being intruded upon..."

~ Maggie Thomas, Broken Time

Steps? The steps are just the means to an end, and the right steps are really a rather subjective phenomenon. And frankly, steps aren't all that important after you get those other bits right.

What other lessons can we draw to other aspects of life? I'll just leave that to you. To get what I learnt out, you gotta pay. Prata, teh tarik, or a glass of whiskey.

Because I was Told I can

Lifted this from my friend Jelin's blog.

"About 6 months ago, I joined a gym. Every morning, there is one personal trainer there that works out at the same time that my little group does our workout. He does his "routine" with such a quiet determination that he makes it all look very easy; although I know all too well how hard he is working. When I am tempted to whine and quit, I watch him push himself to his own limits, and I find myself motivated to work as hard and without complaint.

"A couple of weeks ago, I was watching him do chin ups. He made them look effortless. I broke away from my group and asked him if I could try a chin up. I had never tried before, but he just made it look so easy. He eagerly stepped aside and encouraged me to step up to the bar. I pulled myself up without thinking...once...then twice. That was all I had in me, I had no strength left. I told him that was all I had, so he stepped up behind me and pushed me up for a third and fourth "pull." It felt so good. I felt strong and I smiled from ear to ear.

"The next day when I was done my workout, I asked him to spot me again. Again, I did two. Again on day three and so on. I thought it was pathetic that I could only do two, but when I came to the gym at the end of the week, he was standing there just shaking his head. When I asked him what was up, he said he was impressed with my chin ups. He told me that when they are training firefighters, the men are required to do 5 chin ups, and women are required to do 1 or 2. He explained that most people can't do them at all, and that he was impressed that I could. He further told me that if I practiced every day, I would be doing 5 or 6 in no time. At this point I should probably add that I am 50 years old...and female.

"The moral of this story...because I didn't know any better, because he told me I could, I saw no reason to doubt. I just jumped in and gave it a try - and I did it! I didn't see it as a great accomplishment, because I didn't realize that it was difficult and it became my goal to get stronger. No one told me I couldn't do it, in fact, I was encouraged to try. Had he told me initially how difficult it was, I more than likely would not have tried at all. Or I might have tried, but given it only half an effort, because failure would have been the expectation. I applaud him for letting me believe that for me, it was not only a possibility, but that success was a realistic expectation.

"How many times have we decided not to try at all because we were told that we couldn't, that we shouldn't, that we had expectations that were too ambitious? How many times have we told our children, our friends and our co-workers that they couldn't do something; that their ideas were impossible or beyond reach? How many times have we told ourselves that we would fail before we even started?

"I started to ponder examples that I had witnessed and this came to mind...I recalled a conversation a friend of mine had with his daughter just prior to her heading off to university. He spoke to her (with good intentions) of how hard she would have to work in order to succeed. University wasn't like High School - this was the real world and now she would have to grow up. This child quit after two years. Another friend spoke to her daughter of the adventure she was embarking on and how proud she was. I remember how we laughed because the mother already had her outfit picked out for convocation day! This child just graduated with her degree in physiology. Looking back, neither daughter was more intelligent than the other. Was it the silent expectations (or lack thereof) that predicted the outcome?

"I have a new approach now. I have experienced first hand how good it feels to rush in so innocently. To believe that we CAN do it and go on to accomplish exactly what we set out to do, because no one told us we couldn't. I've learned how important it is to support others (and ourselves) in our endeavors and to let them know that we believe they can do it rather than telling them we think that they can't.

"I personally want to be like my trainer; standing there behind the people that I love, encouraging them, believing in them and being ready to catch them when they get tired. I will be the one that is there on the second and third day making sure they try again, because I know they CAN.

"What a powerful lesson this has been for me. I'll be doing "5" in no time at all. Because I was told I CAN.

- Jan Graham ^-^

More Notes to Life

Waxing is addictive. Regrowth might be a bitch, but there's something to be said about baby smooth.

Unless of course you're hairy by nature. Then it's a clearing in the middle of a forest. Come to think of it, in a case like that, where does the wax start or end? Hmmm... things to ponder over a lunch of Char Kway Teow or a breakfast of Bee Hoon.

"God is with you. But just in case, have your pistol ready."
- Rgue Warrior: Holy Terror. Richard Marcinko