Jack Lalane

Alright, for you self-improvement types. Check this guy out.

50 years ahead of his time, 90+ years old and still can do enough pull-ups to put an army boy to shame.

Give Me One Reason To Stay Here

Lucky Kenny. Got sponsor to get him to write about one of my favourite topics - the mating dance between the male and female Homo Sapiens.

Sometimes I wonder, how the FUCK we evolved so complicated a mating ritual. And how, in spite of that (or maybe because of it), we manage to procreate and populate the whole goddam earth. If this does not reek of divine intervention, nothing does.

Anyways, I was reading his series sponsored, incidentally by Hugo Boss, and he thinks that in the enlightened society that we all live in now, women should take the initiative to make the first move as well.

Fact is, that women probably CAN make the first move. But guys,

GIVE THE GAL A REASON TO!

Like it or not, the onus is back on us. There's a reason why women doll up for a night out.

They dress up nice, bathe, do their hair, do their nails, shave their legs, shave their armpits, get shoes, change shoes, go back change dress again, paint nails, realize fingernails don't match toenails, paint toenails, fuck up the manicure, do it again, spray perfume, realize the scent wrong, bathe again........

Finishing touches on 4 hours of work

It is, correct me if I'm wrong, to appear attractive to us! They give US a reason to hit on them.

And if you don't understand how uncomfortable make-up is, gentlemen, I urge you, think back on your army days. To the days of camo on the face, and parade-ready uniforms. On top of that, heels are fucking tough.

the man's version of make-up

Fact is, dudes, you probably won't hit on a gal at a club with unkempt hair, streaked make-up, and rumpled clothes, and probably sweating from over exertion on the dance floor. Likewise, you won't hit on a gal that can't keep up her end of the conversation and look at you like a deer- in-the-headlights. And I'm pretty certain you will NOT find it a turn on even if said gal is staring at your package.

Want her to hit on you?

So what makes you think that if you appear like that to a woman at the mating grounds (also called club), she's gonna find you irresistably attractive and throw herself at you? ESPECIALLY when there are 271 other men vying for her attention, AND of which 269 are actually making moves on her?

So yeah it's fine for women to make the first move. But men, for the love of progeny. Give them a reason to come over and ask for your number!

To Be Continued.

The Death Star Canteen

Threats do not work on the stupid.

Falling Sick

Whatever don't kill me will make me stronger...

Whatever don't kill me will make me stronger...

Whatever don't kill me will make me stronger...

Nabeh.

For All the New Mothers

Here you go, new mums, your complete glossery to everything you need to say.



Still all in all, we all love our moms. Yes? ;)

Test Everything

Ok this worked with Peel Fresh Guava Juice at 1:30am in the morning. Need about 1 more tray of ice and probably half a cup more salt in the mix.

Gonna try it with Ribena next. Anyone up for some sorbet? I'll make it, and you warm my fingers up after.

The Last Lecture

This is from a series of lectures titled "The Last Lecture" in universities across the United States, where professors are asked to deliver one lecture as if it was the last lecture that they'll ever deliver.

In this case, this guy, Professor Randy Pausch is really dying. He's got pancreatic cancer and probably will live a few more weeks.

"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be," said Pausch, "Sorry to disappoint you."

Now THAT is an affirmation.

For those of you who have more time, come here, and watch the whole lecture. It's worth it.

Lost Phone AGAIN!

And this time I wasn't even drinking!!

May the pickpocket's hands shrivel up and never get off again. May his balls explode from pent up frustration and radiation and his ear rot from using the phone that he stole from me.

Can he not at least return my sim card!!?!!

Come to think of it, maybe if there was a "personal picture" of a really cute gal on my hp as a background, think there might be a possibility that the hp be returned?

In the meantime Friends, Romans and countrymen, I urge you, send me your phone numbers.

My Celeb Sighting

I MET KENNY SIA!!!

Whoot!

Me Edmund, Me Strong

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Well looks like Mr. Murphy has deemed fit to give me a crash course in fitness. Right now, I can probably arm wrestle Superman and fucking win.

Nabeh.

Sian

Not from the stress at work, but from the fact I don't even have time to visit my dearest friend in hospital.

Thinking who I can delegate my work to right now. No one. And sometimes, when you're not there at. that. point, trying to make up just don't seem to cut it.

I'm sorry, sis. I really, really am.

Random Word of Wisdom

"The zit on your face is always biggest in your mirror."

- Edmund

Another Murphy's Best

I went for my friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago and I have come to the realization, that EVERY, SINGLE TIME the guests throw petals at somebody's wedding,

SOMEONE MUST WHACK THE PETALS INTO THE BRIDE'S FACE.

It's a universal constant, like cats not being able to cross the roads and Edmund's handphone number.

Speaking of which, does anyone know what you're listening for when you whack a melon at the supermarket? A good crisp C-Sharp?

Blessings

I've been worried for my friends in Myanmar over the last few days. Every time the news flash, my eyes search the crowd, half-dreading, half-hoping to see a familiar face.

My university internship was done in Yangon, at the then-Hotel Equitorial. I asked for a posting absolutely ANYWHERE in the world but Singapore, and I got it. Nobody knows about Myanmar then. It was a closed country. Nobody I know has been there, or even knows someone who's been to the place.

The 6 weeks I spent there humbled me. It made me grateful for the things I have here, in Singapore. At the same time, I learnt so much about sharing and about graciousness and about happiness.

The folks over there don't have a lot. Even now, if you have a $200 salary, you can raise a family, and stay in an apartment in town. They will cook little dishes, pack them into metal tiffins for lunch, AND THEY'LL ALWAYS COOK MORE. Not just one or two portions, but 4 or 5 portions, just so they can share it with friends.

I remember one lunch I had with the marketing department. 16 dishes going around, and everyone was so eager for me to try their cooking. The sheer generosity of that one gesture, as well as the overeating, floored me.

My colleauges had the perception that Singaporeans are really stuck up, and their noses were always up in the air, with a frown on the face. They asked why that's the case, since we have so much, and live in a country, where, compared to THEIR government, ours are frigging left wing liberals of the first degree.

I could not answer them. But I did come back to Singapore with the intention to grin at every person I meet stoically till they started smiling back.

The people in Myanmar are an innocent people. A lot of times they wear their hearts on their sleeves and are easy going to a fault. Maybe that's why the military junta can be in power for so long. Maybe that's why they get trampled on and they just bore with it.

Now, well... right now, I just pray that my friends over there are alright, and that they survive through whatever comes in their uncertain future.

6 Months I Tried...

But I still can't get it right.

Tonight though... Tonight.

How I'm Going To Pass My Next Driving Test

See, now, THIS is how you should be parallel parking.

Lessons from Sitcoms

From the Sitcom "How I Met Your Mother", when Patrick tries to excuse himself from setting Ted up with an "escort" that turns out to be really a Paralegal

"Look, you knew that Mary was a sure thing. If you were that confident with all the other women in your life, you'd get laid a lot more often!"

Or something like that.

True, how true.

Question of the Day

From the segment of "English as It Is Broken",

Reality is a opposite of Illusion.

And if dis-illusion is the getting rid of illusion, which has negative connotations, why is it then usually used in a negative context?

Does this point to the necessity of false notions in order for life as socially accepted humans?

Or the eagerness of people to take the moral high ground that they are without pretense, which in ITSELF is most probably illusion?

"The World according to Edmund" HAH!

On a side note, sod standard English. Meeting so many people from so many places in the world, I have come to the conclusion that a "Standard" is largely only understood by a small portion of the world's population.

Communication, not grammer correct-ness should be be order of the day.

Josh Blue

Embrace who you are and what you can be.



And the world embraces you.

PS. He won Last Comic Standing in 2006. Booya.

Do You Believe in Love?

No extravagant gestures.
No eternal promises.
No elaborate speech.

In sickness and in health, till death do us part.



*Sniff*