Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Button Pushing

Lessons for the day:

Keep probing limits, keep pushing buttons. Never ever stop, never get comfortable, and never lose yourself and forget what YOU want.

Question of the day, especially to the people that know me:

Am I too nice to the people I care about, especially the women in my life?

Monday, August 17, 2009


When faced with an impossible choice,

of holding on with an iron grip, and watch whatever you have slipping through your fingers slowly but surely,

and letting go, and risk whatever it is you value disappear in an instant,

how do you choose?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Of Channeling and Growing

Today, I had a conversation with my brother, a cop. He was telling me that the number of suicides and attempted suicides over the years have been on the rise.

The trend just serves to remind me, that every person needs an outlet. And if you keep it all repressed inside, at some time, some where, some how, it's gonna come out. And if you don't find some way to channel that to a constructive use, simply put, you're gonna explode, one way or another.

In a lot of the ways, the social media is mine. One huge ass aspect of me is an absolute extrovert, and sometimes, the real life (and my wallet) cannot keep up with my need to socialize. So I turn to the internet. Mentally, it takes up a lot of creative energy, sops up the excess time, and gives me an outlet for a lot of feelings and expression.

Parties, hanging out, boozing and doing stupid stuff are I guess part of my coping mechanism. A means by which I try to feel better, or at least keep things buried so while my body exhausts itself, my subconscious work out the issues at hand.

But at times, my closet introvert takes over. In the worst times in my life, I have taken to hiding and being alone with my thoughts. It's been a long time since I have had me time.

Recently however, another activity has come up. Exercise.

I don't gym, and I seriously hate swimming. Cold and wet, no like. Warm and wet, hmmmm.......... but I digress. Pushups, crunches, and from last Sunday, runs.

Pushing the edge of the envelop in physical self development is slowly becoming another avenue of channeling inner pain. After all, if it's gonna come out somewhere, might as well make it somewhere useful, right?

Time to get back the fitness of when I was doing martial arts, and dance.


Since we're on that particular topic, it's strange also that too many of our own lessons in life come only when we are dealing with pain. It seems like to we humans, pain is soul food.

When we're kept nicely insulated, it'll seem like all we're doing is stagnating.

So, now that I'm alone again, and with so much emotion to work through, the time for muscle ache and growth. If I sometimes seem morose and pensive (I just rediscovered this word today), I apologize in advance, construction in progress. Heh.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Pushing The Limit

The lesson that I learnt over the week was this,

that when we were children, we constantly pushed our limits, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.

That's why we grow so fast. But over the years, we forgot that. That's why we stagnate.

Time to be kids again!