Sunday, November 30, 2008
"Love is a dirty, stinky thing. It's not the lovely, sweet beautiful, clean thing that you see on movies and in books."
Now I was never a romantic. I don't ever believe in "happily ever after" but what he said gave another aspect to it.
He went on, it's because of love, that the mothers and fathers take care of their babies. Believe me, even the cutest baby's shit is not roses. It is heartbreaking, when you lecture and discipline your kid over and over again. It is humiliating when you stand next to him in front of the discipline master's office.
When you love your fellow man, you go out into the field, and serve, it is hot, sweaty, uncomfortable, irritating but you keep at it, because of love.
When you have a girlfriend or a wife, you get pissed off, there are days where you have flaming rows. but that night, if your significant other gets drunk, you'll clean the pee and the vomit off him or her, and tuck her into bed. It hurts, it is painful, it is smelly, it is irritating, and a whole host of unpleasant and downright disgusting sensations and feelings.
But we presevere because of love. In in that, is a new, sublime beauty more than that in the romance novels.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My English teacher has said that the word nice is an ambiguous word. Much like OK, or can lah or mai hiam. Nice, can mean everything from something short of the devil incarnate, to Mahadma Ghandi the Second.
And since nobody has ever asked this before, I'm gonna do it. Ladies and, well, girls,
You now have your essay topic. Now fire away. You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say and use can and will be used in the court of the sexes.
I, as well as about half the human race, await your enlightening response.
Friday, September 05, 2008
"Live well, age well, bald well, and die after me. and if possible, die laughing." - Father to son in Bleach.
Is this what all parents want of their kids?
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Winston Churchill, the one we call the British Bulldog.
Other quotes can be found here.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Funny how come there is a justification for increasing prices, but there's also a justification for keeping employees' salaries at the same level. Now if both justifications are justified... where's does the money from this increase go to?
And that is why, all too often, I ask the question why in the world the powers-that-be, for all the extra money that they're getting, are not getting better publicists (read. story-tellers).
I mean come on, you'd think that for all the money in the world, you should be able to get some of the best spin doctors in the world to make people not only give you money, but do it willingly, unreservedly, and maybe even take their children's lunch money and hand it over reverently.
But then again, ,maybe we, the sheep-tizens of this nation, just ain't worth the trouble and the money and the time.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
You see how we try to reduce emissions by making it expensive for the average joe to drive.
You see ERP gantries going up to regulate traffic flow so that cars are clustered in other smaller roads less able to manage the flow and then those roads get blocked with gantries as well.
Yet taxes are reducing so it's "easier" to own a car, but harder to actually use it.
And here's an interesting point. Why the FUCK is it that for all the bloody clean and greenness, more environmentally friendly cars don't have a reduction in tax, but an INCREASE.
Something here doesn't fit. Can you see it?
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
What’s your favorite thing to do?
Sex, Dance, Drink, Watching People and testing myself. In that order.
Do you think money can buy happiness?
Money facilitates happiness.
If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
That my Burmese friends are here in Singapore. It's a different junta, but at least this one works.
Do you believe you can survive without money?
Sure. Time to dig into my gold reserve.
What are you afraid to lose the most?
My mind and my heart.
If you win $1 million, what would you do?
1/4 to church. 1/4 to family. 1/4 to myself and 1/4 in reserve for investment.
What color represents you the most?
List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
Nice claws, innocent, I THINK she reads.
What makes you happy?
Lots of things. When in doubt, gimme money.
What type of person do you hate the most?
Stupid people, and idiots who can't drive.
Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
Retired, but working
If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Reading People's Minds.
What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Any childhood memories you’ll like to re-live?
What makes you cry?
selfless acts of beauty
What is your least favourite animal?
Mosquitoes, and stupid people
What is one thing your friends probably don’t know about you?
Whatever it is, it shall remain unknown.
Tagging: YOU. You read it, now you do it. And leave a comment afterwards so I have something to read.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
- I'm dangerous when bored
- I'll try practically everything. Twice
- I cannot drink coffee
- I am eager to learn, but application takes a while.
- I enjoy dancing.
- I like squeezing my zits
- I read. A lot.
- Toe Socks are evil
- The putting in and taking off of earrings.
- Teletubbies are evil too
- Cradling babies in my hands
- The last 2 minutes before speaking in front of an audience
- Driving sleepy
- Not finishing work
- Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
- 海阔天空 - Beyond
- Always be my baby - David Cook
- The Finale - Les Miserables
- Stupid for You - Marie Digby
- Paint me with your sunshine - Marie Digby
- Remember the Name - Fort Minor
- Nahh Behhhh
- Mother F87ker!
- Fuck (in all its various forms)
- So what's the story?
- Honest advice given
- The ones who I love (even though I don't tell them enough)
- An amazing whiskey
- Time with friends
- The time alone after a day of productive work
1. Manicure and Pedicure
2. Went for a boyzillian.
3. Backpacked Europe alone.
4. Ran 21km
5. Started a company
6. Drank glacier water from a beer glass at the bottom of a fjord
7. Went to Myanmar and made friends I hope
Tags: Jean, TH, Ridz, Alice, HB,
Friday, May 16, 2008
You know, career advancement and better prospects are such vague terms.
What does it mean to you?
Different job scope?
A hot secretary that gives outstanding blowjobs?
If you find it hard to leave because of the people, but want "better prospects", why not suggest to your boss a way to stay, but get a different scope of work?
Having been on both sides of the hiring desk, I guess I speak from experience that a good boss is as hard to find as a good employee.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Even now, a decade after I last watched it when I was in JC 2. The finale still brings tears to my eyes.
I can't explain it. But then again, who can explain emotion?
*so it's really ok to fess up that you have fallen for me. *evil grin*
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
And I should keep getting better. Settling for something easier and being content are not options that should be entertained.
Oh and review past notes. They're useful.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
In order from right to left. MostlyBlack, Half Without, and Half With.
A hand and 2 legs ful.
Combined, the flu has caused more death, complications and misery than very possibly any other disease in the world.
And since there's never been any effective cure, we're screwed to suffer it one way or another till armaggedon.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Thanks for the Hoegaardens that you always split with me the first thing I arrive at the bar every time.
Thank you, for sharing your dreams and excitement of being a dad for the first time.
Thank you, for the pranks you pulled on me, and we, on the other customers.
Thank you, for sharing with me what you wanted to do, so your family can have a better life.
Thank you, and I'll miss you Halid. There will be one more name to remember when the song plays.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Had a taste of what it's like to stay in a villa. Fucking Awesome. And doing the cannonball into the pool. Doubly Awesome.
Having allegedly the BEST sup buntut in the world. It's a taste explosion, that's what it is. Not as addictive as what the guys make it out to be, but 3 bowls in 4 days. Well, absence makes the heart fonder does it not?
Had a manicure AND a pedicure at the same time. My fingers are shiny.... getting... hyp... no...tised.....
Got to ride a bike again. Man I missed it, even if it's just a 50CC scooter. Petrol in Bali is sold in fucking vodka bottles. Talk about high octane fuel.
Ku De Ta. Fuuuucking amazing view. I think, the view's actually better than the food. And the food was pretty damn good
Learnt how to counter exchange rate cheats. The HARD way. Lesson cost me 100k rups.
Bak Mee Goreng. Another taste explosion. How the hell do they make it taste so good?
Partying ain't all that great. Where the hell are the RnB clubs dammit!?
Getting a king sized bed all to myself. I still sleep on one corner of the bed with 2 of the 4 pillows. I don't think I'll ever get used to luxury. Maybe the extra space is used for other things. Hmmm...
Right. That's all for now. No pictures, at least this time round, and nothing more... adventurous. Or at least, I'm not telling. Heh heh heh.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The person with coffee in his hands, and the one with the broom.
Never look down on anybody.
On that note, there are 2 kinds of people that wear anything they want in a high level corporate office. The boss and the sweeper. Chances are, you'll never quite figure out which is which.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
So I've been told that when it comes to negotiations, that I have a tendancy to be condescending.
What's being condescending? It's hard to put an exact finger on it, but it's almost like you're "talking down" to somebody. Professional maybe, but the same way that counter officer at certain government agencies are professional. Cold, mildly degoratory, and basically just looking down your nose at somebody.
I never knew I was like that. Quite a shock really. But looking back I realized that I am. Mildly condescending. And having been on the receiving end, I must say, it is a good lesson learnt and a valuable mirror held up against myself.
And today, I read this in my email,
"When people are aware of the good or bad opinions other people have about them, they want to live up to those opinions. This is why we act out the roles assigned to us. If we receive praise, we want to be worthy of that praise.
"I heard of a police officer who always seemed to be able to get even the toughest criminals to open up and tell him everything. His technique was to tell the criminal, "I know you have a reputation for being the tough guy who's been in a lot of trouble, but everyone tells me the one thing that stands out about you is that you never lie. They tell me that whatever you say, it's always the truth, no matter what."
"Honestly assess how you think you make others feel when they're around you. Do you make them feel small and unimportant, or do you inspire them to achieve more? Your actions towards others will tell them how you feel or think about them, which will in turn determine their behavior!"
"The German writer and poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once stated, "Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be."
- Kurt W. Mortensen
What a wake up call.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Anyways, this is what happened.
Was in KL for the investors and traders convention cos my partner wanted to check out the KL market and the potential over there.
It was a decent trip. And the dramatics started when we were coming back to Singapore.
Act 1, Scene 1 - The bus station at Pudu Raya, 9pm. Sunday Night.
My partner has bought 2 tickets on a delux coach back to Singapore from the Konsortium counter on Saturday afternooon. We wait, at Dock 12 for the bus to come. Among those waiting, are a few indians, a bunch of Secondary school students and a swedish couple.
Act 1, Scene 2 - The bus station at Pudu Raya, 9:15pm. Sunday Night.
A guy comes over and shouts, "Singapore" and a whole bunch of people stand up. Thinking our bus here, we follow the dude downstairs to the bus bay. Bus is not here, we wait for a bit. He then beckons us to follow him. I am completely uninitiated to KL.
My partner says that it's normal since sometimes the bus stops outside instead of coming in. We follow.
Act 1, Scene 3 - Outside the Bus Station, 930pm. Sunday Night.
The guy leads us for 10 minutes before sitting down and tells everyone to pass their tickets to him. He makes a show of checking, then puts everything in his bag. He then gets up and tells us to carry on walking.
Act 2, Scene 1 - Near the beat up bus, 9:30pm, Sunday Night.
We finally reach a shitty bus. A beat up 40 seater. He says that this is our bus that'll be going back to Singapore. My partner demands our tickets back. The guy attempts to walk away.
We chase after him, with all our luggage still in our arms, he threatens us with his walkie talkie, and walks again. We go after him and attempt to stop him. He swings his walkie talkie and my partner chokes him from the back. He takes another swing and I lock his arm.
We told him that we'll let him go if he gives us our tickets back. We let him go, and he takes a swipe at my partner, and breaks into a run. My partner kicks, misses, and falls. His luggage flies.
I run after him, pins him and takes a couple of swipes at him. "Give us our tickets back," he doesn't and whacks my head with his walkie talkie. Twice. I try to throw him to the ground and sit on him. He runs.
Contemplated running after him, but there are people around my partner, and I got worried. Went back and he busted his knee. I help him up and gathered all our luggage back.
Act 2, Scene 2. Near the beat up bus, 10:30pm, Sunday Night.
The bus driver refuses to move because apparently, dodgy muther-fucker was suppose to pay him, and he's not paying yet.
Another half hour, dodgy mutherfucker comes back with another load of people. They get up the bus, and there's still some space in the bus... but with me glaring at him, he must have decided that better get this group of people outta here.
He pays the bus driver and buggers off. Contemplated jumping off the bus to beat the fuck outta him before he heads off. Decides against it because dunno if I'll miss the bus after.
Act 3, Scene 1. 2 hours outside KL. Unknown Rest stop, 1am. Monday Morning
Dodgy bus breaks down, and can't start again. Everyone waits while the driver calls a replacement.
Act 3, Scene 2. 2 hours outside KL. Unknown Rest stop, 3am. Monday Morning.
We are still waiting. Some people have hitched rides on gas trailers and container trucks. We see an empty bus coming by, and Indian dudes approach to negotiate. I am in awe of his negotiation tactics. I take notes even though I am sleep deprived.
Act 3, Scene 3. In the hitched-a-ride bus. 4am. Monday Morning.
We finally get on our way. With us, are the 4 kids, one of the Indian dudes, and a whole bunch of other people, including this really young kid travelling on his own.
Act 4, Scene 1. Larkin Bus Interchange. 7am. Monday Morning.
Reached Larkin, courtesy of the Indian dude. Helped my partner down the steps and into a cab. We take the cab to a place where there's a Comfort cab waiting, in the basement carpark of Plaza Seni.
Apparently this taxi stand has Singapore cabs that can cross the border.
We pay an extra S$35. Worth it, because we were stuck one and a half hours on the Malaysia side of the Causeway, and another half hour on the Singapore side.
And the fare goes all the way to my partner's place. No idea which way the cab driver went, cos I pretty fucking much concussed on the cab.
Act 4, Scene 2. My partner's place. Singapore. 10am, Monday morning
Dropped my partner off, helped him up to his place before driving back. He will go to hospital later on in the day.
Headed home, bathed and went to work.
1. Only give the bloody ticket to the bloody conductor, AFTER you get on the bus and are seated. (Thanks Jean!)
2. Don't let the dodgy motherfucker go. Beat the SHIT outta him. Then take the money and the tix from him. He rips us off. We mug him. Turnabout's a bitch.
3. It's always good to be on the SAME side as an Indian in negotiation. If you are not, make sure you are.
4. Keep fit. You never know when you have to beat the shit outta somebody.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
When is the men's line coming out chuwen! I can do with at least ONE other shirt in my wardrobe that's not something I have worn 26452 times.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Don't believe me? Take a look.
A bit of trivia. On February 27, 2006, the Globetrotters extended their overall record to exactly 22,000 wins.
Their most recent loss came on March 31, 2006 when they went down 87–83 to the NABC College All-Stars to bring their loss tally to just 345—still a winning percentage of 98.4%.
Maybe the Slingers will get someone from that team in next season? Oh and Jean, wanna try out some of the stunts there?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
got this from my Junior's website
For those of you who do not know. You can find out more about the switchblade-wielding, tele marketer-hating, rabbit here.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
The bus driver stopped gently, opened the doors and walked to an old man in the bus.
He then leaned closed and told the gentleman that it's his stop, and proceeded to help him down the bus, taking his time to guide the shaky old man with a walking stick down the steps and into the bus stop before driving off.
It got me thinking. We all know that positive reinforcement works better than negative right?
So why is it that we so are so slow to praise, quick to condemn and expect change fast? Come to think of it, when it comes to trying to get someone to change for the better, we almost NEVER praise.
So in this, I think I'll try a social experiment. I'll encourage things that I'd like to see more of, rather than condemn things I'd like to see less of.
I'll compliment and give praise to what I think is good, rather than hang, draw and quarter what I think is bad.
Let's see what changes. Thank you, driver of SBS 2674 T, for a timely reminder at 1pm on the 6th of March 2008 at the bus stop outside the church at Queen Street.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
She carries a really nice line for ladies. Nothing for the men, but hey, she's ALMOST SOLD OUT and it's only the second day. Gives you an idea of how nice her stuff is ya?
A lot of people talk about starting their own business, but hardly any actually take that step forward. So here's what little I can do, to make your store a success.
So cheers XT, make it happen and congratulations on taking a huge step forward.
PS. Apparently if you quote my blog, you gals can get 10% off. Hey, take the remainder and buy me teh tarik. I don't mind.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
And let's be fair. It's true, most of the time.
However, there's one tiny, little known "sixth sense" in the human male that gets conditionally triggered. This sex sense makes the male hyper sensitive to non-verbal cues.
This, what is coined by yours truly to be, the "someone's-pissing-in-my-territory" instinct, is present in all human beings and particularly apparent in the male because of the lack of sensitivity in nearly all other areas.
We men KNOW when another guy/gal/living thing is interested in our significant other. And when we do, the horns come out, the teeth are bared, and suddenly testosterone fills the air and we're ready to "defend our territory".
And like in women, there are men whose sixth sense is hyper-sensitive. The general rule is, the more insecure the man, the more sensitive that sixth sense. In certain cases, this is so extreme that anything male within a 50m radius triggers territorial instincts.
Wanna see the sex sense in action? Try going to a club any Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, and you can see it in action. Field trip anyone? Heh heh heh
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
I thought it summarizes a lot of things I learnt about love, and so I asked for her permission to put it here.
So here goes. And here it goes out to everyone whose wedding I have attended, and will attend. I applaud you and respect you for this amazing commitment that you have taken on yourselves. It'll be a LONG time before I join your ranks.
But in the mean time, well done you, all of you.
"A friend told me that 'the beginning of love is the end of logic.'
Logically, of course. I can understand why it is that these 2 lovely people have gotten together.
The groom's quite a man. Quite a LOT of man. Exactly how much, I think the bride knows better than any of us.
The bride, complements him, but loses none of her own individuality. Like the chilli padi she loves so much. She is a person in her own right, and brings forth the best in the man that she's with.
But we are not here to celebrate logic. We are here to celebrate love. There's no reason in the world, at the end of the day, for them to choose each other.
Among all the chilli padi, and among all the dishes in the world, they have chosen to commit to each other for the rest. of. their. lives.
So we celebrate this magical, crazy, illogical, senseless, wonderful thing, that has brought the 2 of them together.
We celebrate their love.
Now a word of advice, dear hearts. There will be no happily ever after. You will quarrel, irritate each other, and get pissed off in return. You will fight, and you will jump on one another. But through it all, you will still love each other, so remember to show it.
So to your new life together. May it not be perfect. But May you find beauty in that imperfection, and in the wonderful wonderful love, that you have together.
See dude, I actually HAVE a heart, dammit.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Plus, it'll be a good idea to have some other Chinese guy kissing ang-moh women other than Chow Yunn Fatt. Might just break the Chinese stereotype of the neutered male.
There. My first and last word on the entire fiasco. Peace Out.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
She's hot, she sings well, she can compose and she's hot. Wait I said that already.
Sasky, I have a feeling you can relate to this song.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I realized that after hanging out with all 4 races in Singapore, I have learnt something from each and everyone of them .
From the Ang Moh, I learnt how to be confident, even when you have nothing to be confident about.
From the Indian, I learnt how to tok cock, even if there's no poultry.
From the Malays, I learnt how to relak one corner.
And from the Chinese, I learnt how to be a bastard.
All important lessons, if used wisely.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Car park ain't exactly empty. Some more 2 prime slots with one idiot driver.
This is how much space he left at the back of his car.
My friends that I met for coffee too, were bloggers, and they whipped out their cameras and joined in the fun.
And being the proactive, action oriented person that I am, I decided to leave him with a note that said, "Nice Car. Sucky Parking."
Social media is powerful.
I was always aware of it. Now, I have it right smacked in my face after meeting the frontrunners of this media. Andy opened the door through a Slingers game. Now, I am introduced to a world where I can change with a keyboard, a screen and high speed internet.
It is also due to these wonderful people that I have met, that I have picked up a few hmm.... habits.
I actually carry a camera around sometimes. A real, honest-to-goodness Sony Camera. It's old, but it has a one-gig memory card.
I have become trigger-happy. Watch out life and evil doers. Your face will not be anonymous anymore.
I actually know what page rank means. I still don't care about it, unless I have a bet on it.
The location of coffee and makan is partially determined by the availability of power points and Wifi.
That being said, I hereby make a solemn promise. I will never, ever be a page traffic whore. Ever. Even though the ego masturbation from getting tomorrow-ed did feel pretty good...
All in all, my blog will remain as it always has been. A receptacle of my thoughts, rather than a chronology of my life. Life is interesting, but fleeting. Ideas, last forever.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
And this year, THAT, at least has not changed. I still is single.
Everything else? Well. Let's just take a little more proactive and positive approach to the whole day, shall we? After all, I already have tai sui on my case, let's not add more negativity to that. (Apparently according to the Chinese Zodiac, this year, I zhuang tai sui. Personally it's not my fault that he's a snivelling whiner)
So, how to improve Valentine's?
1. Have another day where the WOMEN are obligated to do something for the men. Every year. Commercialize it.
This time, we men will get little presents for the gals. They now have their chance to wine and dine us, and then submit to our every whim. We on the other hand, will just clam up and expect them to know and do everything, giving them "the eye" at anything that goes awry.
2. Run away to somewhere else where you don't have to face up to hoards to flower sellers.
The Sahara is nice this time of year. So's Mexico. Or the Artic.
3. Pretend to be insurance agents and sell life insurance to every person that comes over and asks you about flowers. Pretend to be GENERAL insurance agents and sell break-up insurance to all the couples.
If you're already with any of the Life insurance firms, don't need to pretend. This is your peak period! Thanks Fairy for this suggestion.
4. Get buried in work.
Because you KNOW that you'll be rewarded eventually.
5. Go out, party, get wild torrid sex and TRY to wake up the next morning in your own bed. Alone.
It's about as obvious as it gets. The only difference if you're attached, is just make sure that your parents don't walk in on ya, and oh. Safety first.
Welll that's about all there is to it. I'm hungry. Dinner time. Ciao!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
It's the testosterone I tell you. The frigging testosterone!!
There I think that'll have summarized Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus in about 15 minutes.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Nothing, I swore NOTHING was gonna keep me away from this game. I might have a ton of work lined up, I may be dying from flu after my trip to KL. Traffic may be shitty, and some joker bought up ALL the bloody coupons at both 7-11s near the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Despite ALL of that, I. WILL. GET. TO. THE. GAME.
And I'm glad I did.
Met all the usual suspects. And it seems that this time, everyone's seperated between the alcoholic box and the non-alcoholic box. I, of course, joined the NON-alcoholic box
so I can lay my hands on all the spare beer.
Now booze aside, the game was good. Notable achievements as follows.
Slingers frigging OWNED the Dragons.
The referee kayu-ed. That means that they were treated to a little bit of Singapore culture. How they took it, remained to be seen.
After watching the folks from Air Asia shoot, I thank God that I'm not the only one that suck at basketball. In future, I'm getting a proxy to shoot for me.
Letting out a whole month of stress screaming my head off, and helping myself to the liquid refreshment. Waste not, want not. Especially in the non-alcoholic segment. *Hic*
Meeting my friend Sara-Ann FINALLY. I was beginning to think that Karma is keeping us apart.
The Slinger Gals are pretty hot, as usual. Now if I can only talk to them.
The Goonfather got a higher beer tower than me. I'd like to think that it's only because he started earlier. But I was sick, and my new year resolution is still in force.
I forgot to bring my camera. It's peer pressure to get one I tell you. I believe that we have a higher person-to-camera than anyone else in the stadium. Definitely a higher memory-card-to-person ratio. Peer pressure!
I hereby put in my vote to have Lennie and Jason as the official commentators for the game, instead of Strong D man.
The next home game is gonna be the 13th of Feb. I. WILL. BE. THERE.
There'll be the million dollar shoot out (of which I strongly recommend this one blogger I know) but it'll be interesting to see if anyone actually wins the million bucks, and gain instant friends.
How about it folks? Anyone for a shot at instant friends?
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
And being the eternal optimist and chief prank master of life, I have decided that it is the perfect time to get some good out of the bad.
Here is a list of common CNY questions that I know we all don't like. Here, my fellow Singaporeans, are the suggested answers. Feel free to contribute.
"So where's your girlfriend?"
- "You know, it's interesting you asked. I don't think it's time to show John to the rest of the family yet" (I'm a guy. Adapt for the female context)
- "John's spending time with his family as well."
- "Which girlfriend are you talking about?"
- "Oh, your daughter didn't tell you? (Pause) I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
- "She's in the hospital, the doctor's worried that the baby will be born prematurely"
- (for the gals) (look down at your belly.... stroke)"I'm not sure. But the baby is innocent, isn't he?"
- "Didn't your daughter discuss our plans with you? We have to do it before the pregnancy gets too obvious"
- "Why? Are you saving up for the ang pow?"
- "We were thinking Ah Yat Coffeeshop but it's booked up for next Wednesday."
- "John and I think that it'll be better once the law gets a little more relaxed"
- "On my holiday next month to Europe. I heard that over there, it's ok for 3 people to be in the marriage at the same time. Sam and I think that it'll be perfect. John's complaining about the cost though"
- "After the baby is born. She can't fit into her wedding dress now."
"When are you going to have kids?"
- "Have you seen the donation jar for my diaper fund?"
- "We're thinking of adopting from the orphan program in India"
- "When the condom leaks"
"When are we going to hear the pitter patter of little feet?"
- "You know, I hear that too at night sometimes..."
- "Where's PICNIC?!!" (for QY only)
Lemme go think of more over the holidays. In the meantime, feel free to contribute.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
And for those who always said that dancing is too hard, or "I can't dance"...
Monday, January 28, 2008
Reporting LIVE from the city of the Twin Towers. This is my second time here EVER.
I'm glad to report that the Starbucks here cost exactly the same as Singapore, and it is hot like FUCK.
Dinner in an hour, and meetings after that. And for the whole of tomorrow.
Where in the world do I get some entertainment here after hours on a Monday night anyways?
Friday, January 25, 2008
But this one, this one. I went behind the wheel of my car and set a new world record for longest continuous stream of expletives in 4 languages.
"Hi, this is Edmund."
"Hi, do you have any cars for rent?"
"Sure, when do you need it?"
"Hmm... there are a couple of cars that I have. What's your price range?"
"Well... don't matter as long as I'm comfortable... how old are you? You sound really young..."
"I like young men..."
"I wanna make friend with you... Would you like that?"
He then carried on a little on what he likes about young men.
"Sorry, I don't quite swing that way. Thanks for asking anyway. BYE."
Let it not be said that my customer service is lacking in any manner. There are many things I'm willing to take for my team. Giving up my ass virginity is not one of them.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
World Wrestling Federation Vs Ultimate Fighting Champion
K-1 Dynamite USA: Brock Lesnar vs Min Soo Kim
Uploaded by Zed1982
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I have, absolutely and completely no political aspirations or inclinations. Any and everything on this blog is completely my own personal observations.
Let it not be said that I am not appreciative of what Singapore has achieved through the years. 40 odd years, and we have went from zero to hero economically is pretty damn impressive.
Running water, uninterrupted power supply, and roads that don't need an SUV to drive through are things we take for granted there.
Now to progress this fast in this short a time, there are, in my opinion, 2 ways.
1. Getting everyone in the country headed and inspired to go the same way. Now that, obviously is a fucking impossibility.
Mob rules state that the more number of people there are together, the lower the collective intelligence. On top of that, anyone who have ever tried getting more than 4 people to try and agree on a place to eat dinner will know that getting 4 million people to agree on country policy and operations is doomed to spectacular failure.
2. RULE. No questions, just push ahead. It is not pleasant, it takes everything we believe about free will and inidividual choice and shoves it up where the sun don't shine.
But it does get the job done. So, nope I'm not saying that the
monarchy social democracy in Singapore is a bad thing. It is a fact. Live with it.
And if you really can't stand it, work around, over or through the system. You might be able to get through a wall using your head as a battering ram, but I recommend using a door.
This method, created and patented in the exotic island nation of Singapore is guaranteed to make YOUR life completely free of those pesky fellows, and guarantee you a life of monopoly and ease!
All you have to do ladies and gentlemen, is to follow these easy to apply, completely scalable steps in YOUR environment.
1. Dig up dirt and amplify every little flaw. This is especially easy if you have the press and it's facilities are on your side. Make a big hoo ha out of EVERYTHING. Does the guy pick on his scabs? Maybe he has a strand of hair out of place? Note the lack of discipline and personal hygiene! Who knows what he might do when you are not watching!
2. Now insist that everybody needs to go through a credit check by the powers that be. This is necessary of couse, to provide credibility to everyone. OF COURSE THE POWERS THAT BE ARE IMPARTIAL! Just because the people running the facility and the people in your "board" are exactly the same is pure coincidence. They are completely impartial even though their livelihoods depend on you.
3. Now how can this be? Your competitors have some discrepency in their financials! Freeze all accounts and assets and conduct a thorough investigation. The sheer audacity of these people. Thinking they can get away with anything.
4. This of course, is competition. Marketing and visibility are important. That leaves room for intepretation. Slander/Libel suit ensues. The fact that they're opening their MOUTHS and penning anything is reason to suspect that they're saying something damaging.
5. Now my dear audience, note the unhappy coincidence of the troubles that befall your competitors. So many things happening at the same time. But how fortunate for you that this series of unfortunate events has now forced your competitors to a. declare bankrupcy and hence be out of the running for anything including public office for the next 5 years or so. Or b. leave the country.
6. Now that they have left the playing field, your job is not over. Oh no! Not yet! This is very important folks. Neither the libel suit NOR the investigation must EVER be resolved or concluded. Because if judgement swings one way or another, he can be extradited, and then brought to court. That means the case will be resolved one way or another and the person is now free again to terrorize this happy little state of affairs that you have set up. In other words, he'll be back. Like Terminator.
7. Repeat where necessary.
QED is it not?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I think she's kinda worried about me too.
Much happier in mommy's handsMy sis and I agreed, that when she grows up, she'll open a florist next to her place. I will open a consulting office, for all the broken hearts of those poor boys that get rejected.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
But don't insult my intelligence while you're at it.
I can stand it if our taxes are raised, even though we are running on a tax 20% surplus nearly every single year since independance. I can even accept that the powers that be change rules on a whim and leaches you for every single cent you have for their own coffers.
But for FUCK's sake, don't pretend that "it's for my own good!"
Proof you say? Sure. Let me give you proof.
1. Zoning laws are changed every election for efficiency's sake. Strangely enough, every GRC that is opposition-controlled, or declined in support of the ruling party, has its area reduced, split up or amalgated into those with strong support. Marine Parade Town Council now manages Serangoon Garden. The nearest body of water is that which is in the fish tank at home.
2. Sengkang is an integrated new town. The LRT stations run AROUND the estate. Most of the people stay in the MIDDLE of the estate.
3. The NEL is a frigging automated system, one can reduce manpower costs and make the trains run more efficiently, and hence the trips are cheaper. The project was finished S$5 BILLION under budget, almost a year late, and every train has 1 or 2 men in green. A precaution in case the trains break down. Brilliant.
4. ERP is suppose to reduce road tax and make car ownership more accessible. For all the bloody gantries that came up, road tax was reduced by an insignificant amount,for a stupid amount of extra charges through ERP. Inefficiency? or sheer ass stupidity.
5. Long time ago, we were told that using the EZlink system, everyone pays the correct fares, and thus can help reduce the overall cost of buses and public transport. In fact, there was one time bus fares was raised for the reason that dishonest commuters are costing millions of dollars to bus companies. Bus fares have NEVER decreased for a period of 25 years.
6. SMRT raised prices of train fares shortly after SARS ended, quoting the reason that they are making losses and are unable to sustain operations at current levels. 3 cents increase conservatively equals to a S$200,000 increase in revenue per DAY AT NO INCREASE IN COST. After intense rebuttal, they published a statement in the papers, citing the writing off of 17 new trains to the tune of $237 MILLION dollars as expense, as a reason for increasing fares. If any private company did this, ACRA would be down their necks faster that the alien in AVP.
7. ERP gantries are popping up everywhere and it's not due to the monsoon season. The reason is to regulate traffic flow and prevent congestion. I urge the Minister of Transport to drive from Yishun to his office in town for a month. After that, tell me how ERP has improved traffic flow in the peak hours.
8. CPF is suppose to be for our old age. It's suppose to be our money. I dare anyone to try going to a bank and borrowing money, using our CPF as collateral.
This are just SOME examples that show that either a) the powers that be don't have a high regard for our own people's intelligence, or b) they are overpaying their PR and corporate comms team.
So yeah, go ahead and do what you want with the country. Just don't try to convince me it's for my own good, and that if I leave this country, I'm a quitter.
Monday, January 14, 2008
And since all 3 of them believe in the power education, they decided to enroll into the world's most prestigous Bird School, at the world-class Jurong Bird Park in the fair city of Singapore.
Now there were 3 compulsary courses in BS, because they insisted that you be given a well rounded education. Swimming, Running and Flying. This (or so the prospectus reads) gives an excellent grounding for the bird in you to meet all the challenges of your life. Master air, land and sea, and really let your potential shine through!
The 3 friends are obviously really excited when they entered the school and were looking forward to "let their potential shine through". They're set up for life, provided of course they ace their modules.
First was a class in swimming. Duck excelled at it. Ostrich managed to struggle through, mostly by sheer strength of her hind legs. Eagle, now poor eagle nearly drowned in the pool. He was reprimanded and brought to the side and told that he's not trying hard enough, and that he really needs to buck up if he's to make it.
Next, was running. Ostrich tore ahead in the course. Eagle managed to bungle through, barely. But poor duck. With his feet so wonderful for swimming, he he was brought in for disciplinary action because he just can't make it on land. And after all his webbed feet are cut and bleeding for trying his best.
The last and final chapter, was flying. Eagle soared. Finally, something he's good at. Duck did pretty alright. Now ostrich, ostrich LOOKED like she was flying on land, but he's just not taking off, no matter how hard she tried. She flunked that class. Big time.
All in all, the 3 friends after 2 years in the system come to the conclusion that they really aren't all rounded students, and pretty much sucked at the majority of things that the school believed to be important. On average, each of them had a barely passing grade from school.
All 3 of them eventually were stuck in dead-end jobs that used NONE of the knowledge they gained from their all round education, and felt pretty shitty about themselves till the end of their days.
The moral of this story? You decide.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Courtesy of Qiaoyun
A Picture is worth a thousand words. A video is worth a thousand pictures.
Putting a face to the name is all good. Putting a person to the face is even better.
Thank you all for the memories.
Andy, Hillary, Nic, Jean, Alice, Jason, Qiaoyun, Sabrina, Lenny and all those others I did not have an opportunity to talk to.
Qiaoyun again. She and her camera are never far apart.
OH FINALLY, Basketball.
I may suck at it. But that does not mean I do not appreciate a good lay-up, or an alley hoop. OR the chance to shout "Referee Kayu!!!"
Jason has a damn good camera, hair-trigger finger, and unlimited film.
I am a child of the days where Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson ruled the courts after all.
Going to the Game on Sunday after work. WHOOT!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
"No, sir. There are no bookings on Sunday."
"Great! I would like to make a reservation for it please."
"Which day would you want to make a reservation for?"
"Sunday. The coming Sunday."
"I'm afraid you can't do that sir."
"Because you need to book 2 weeks in advance."
"But nobody has it for this Sunday right?"
"Yes, but it's protocol."
(finds a pail of water, sticks hand in water. Water boils)
"Is there anyone I can speak to, to expedite the process?"
"I'm afraid not."
(water dries up. starts loading shot gun rounds)
"Well can you expedite the process?"
"The fastest will be one week sir."
(snaps shotgun together with a satisfying click)
"But there's nobody booking the place!"
"So what do you do if there is no booking? Leave it empty?"
(slings shotgun on shoulder, tightens boots, gets ready to head off to war)
I eventually got the function room. 5 years coming out from the civil sector. I am reminded again why it was I left in the first place. No, they do not allow anyone in an hour before to set up. It's protocol. And they may ruin their manicures to set that up.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Strange thing is, there was a sign there that said, Hell Gods Expedition.
How can you not love the English language?
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2. Survivor Singapore. Oh don't have ah? Dammit.
3. Take $10 million and go into a casino. You'd probably win 1 mil but lose the 10, but hey, you won.
4. Pray to Tee Kong every day, and spend every single cent you have buying ToTo tickets, 4D, and Big Sweep.
5. Go to a Slingers game, register at the website, and then sink the shot. It takes ohhh... 30 seconds max I guess... That means that your income for the year 2008 is a cool $120 million an hour. Wah... more than Bill Gates man.
Btw, in case you need to know how it's done,
Oh, and I was given signs in a dream to help you future millionaires along. The answer is... the exact number of full stops on this post. Start counting!
And here's more impressive shots, proving not only can it be done, it can be done in STYLE. The warning in front? What warning in front? Heh heh heh ;)