Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Obsession With Thin

Okay. This is getting out of hand. Who the FUCK decided that the ideal woman should be one that's so frigging skinny that we can lift her and tuck her under the arm and walk off, and not have curves?

And who the FUCK decided to infect the women of the world with this. damn. lie?

I find that person, and he/she/it will take precedence over Mr Murphey in the list of "targets for grievous bodily injury with a blunt spoon."

Let's get some facts out in the open right now.

Ladies, unless you are a "little person", having a weight that starts with a 5 is NORMAL. If you are 170 and above, it is FINE to be over 60kg. Yes, heels are included. And especially when you are born homo sapians, and not homo measurus tapus.

And unless you're related to Wolverine and have metal for a skeleton, or if you are related birds, there is no such thing as heavy-boned or light-boned.

Muscles weigh more than fat. It's FINE to put on weight when you go and exercise. Just. Look. Good.

Smaller waistline, smaller boobs is NOT a good deal.

If you squeeze your belly, thigh, arm, cheek and assorted other body parts, your fingers will close a centimeter apart AT THE VERY LEAST. That, dear biology students, is SKIN. Not fat.

Hourglass good. Normal ladies watches bad.

The woman's worst critics are, in this order: Themselves, Other women, mothers (maybe). Men really don't care all that much.

And all in all, we men appreciate that you ladies dress up for us, but we really prefer you all dressing DOWN. Literally. At the end of the day, the lights are off and we have to go by touch anyway.

And truth of the matter is, that our approach to models are the same as how you women approach Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or Pierce Brosnan. Nice to have, but strictly optional. If we do end up with one, we probably won't know what to do anyway.

And no matter heavy you are, how much cellulite you have, or little crow's feet come out when you smile, it does not matter.

YOU are the ones we want.

And we will love you and accept you for all that you are, and all that you are not. So quit agonizing over what makes you hot, and focus on what makes you BEAUTIFUL. Like giving an absolutely amazing Blowjob, and swallowing. JUST JOKING!

So there.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Raising Shirlyn

Now as much as i believe that Singapore is a bloody talent desert, there are some little oases of talent.

Shirlyn Tan is one of those.

No, she's not featured on the President's Command Performance, because she don't play some classical instrument so well that the Ae-tess people will notice.

Neither does she sing some teeny bopper doe-y eye pop song, so that she is discovered by some Taiwan producer, and get fame overseas before getting recognized in the hometown.

She can't play table tennis either.

But nevertheless, in my books, she's Singaporean, and BLOODY HELL SHE ROCKS! And she has a whole bunch of SICK screaming fans as well!

See? (picture taken from jaywalk's blog)

Anyways, she's diversifying and going to the States to train to be a fully fledged Yoga instructor. And it is my duty to make sure she comes back to us after 9 weeks, so that Thursdays keep on being Thirst-days.

So Monday, at Blu Jazz Cafe. Make sure you're there, and make sure you go in and raise a glass in honour of OUR OWN Shirlyn Tan!

Date: 20th April 2009, Mon.
Time: 8-11pm
Place: Blu Jazz Cafe, (near Haji Lane)

More information available here!

Right now, enough reading, and get going tonight!

Monday, April 06, 2009

9 Months In

For those of you who are wondering, yes, I finally have a girlfriend and it has gone past the 9th month. And I'd like to say for the record that it IS different from being single, but I am enjoying all the differences.

And yes, while there is a really big age gap between me and my beloved, I'd like to say that for the record, I am quite proud to say that I am learning as time goes by. From being in a relationship, from being with HER, and from her as an individual.

Here are some of the lessons that I have learnt in 9 months:

There are some things in life that one just needs to take time to do. It's not good to rush. Chawamushi is one of them. Pasta is another.

Time management is not easy, and sometimes we all need to make sacrifices for the things that we want.

Communication is key. Under ALL circumstances. If you're not psychic, then make sure you say something out. And make sure the message is received by the other party is the same as the one you're trying to convey.

No matter how good at something you think you are, you can always get better. Yes, that includes any and all bedroom antics.

One should NEVER, EVER fake it.

My dress sense always needs improving.

There is a difference between the various kinds of brushes that women have for make up. Apparently there are 2 brushes for every contour on the face.

We are all human. If we need to, we can change.

We are always changing. Even our principles and how we express them. We do need, however to be focused and clear about what we are changing INTO.

In every relationship, there will always be give and take. There should never be a situation where it's one party that gives, and another that takes. If we sit down and do up a balance sheet, we'll never get to the end of it.

Never be conceited or complacent. The more you're praised, the more you serve to keep the balance and the arrogance in check.

Shopping is only limited by time and the amount of money in the wallet. There is no such thing as enough shoes, bags, accessories or clothes. 18 hair/headbands is NOT enough.

Some of these are lessons freshly learnt, some already known but have been hammered in over the last 9 months.

All in all, thank you, kitten, for being with me through these 9 months. I have learnt much over the last 9 months, and you've been wise and patient beyond your years, to a man who has too little time for you, and who lives literally across on the other side of Singapore.