Sunday, December 24, 2006

I Hate X'Mas

Don't get me wrong. The season of giving, joy and goodwill is way up on my list of favourite days of the year. It is, in fact, SPECIAL to me. It is the ONE day in the year, Edmund, the chronic alcohol and loud music addict staunchly refuses to club.

No, I don't hate Christmas. I hate X'mas.

I actually get peeved when people use Xmas instead of Christmas. Call me a traditionalist, but I believe that there are some things that should not be sacrificed to the god of expediency and modern efficiency.

Nope, some things are inviolate in my book. Christmas will remain Christmas and the only mixers good whiskey should have, is a dash of warm water or a couple of cubes of ice.

Thus endeth the sermon.

PS. Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone.

PPS. Take time off and remember your loved ones, do something meaningful. Even if it is just before drinking yourself silly.

PPS. The free hugs campaign is GO. City Hall if wet weather, Orchard if not. If you are not sure where I am, CALL ME.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

If I was Principal..

Yeah yeah, I know. It's the middle of the frigging school holidays. Bah, humbug.

In any case, here's an idea of what students should be taught in school in lieu of A-Maths, which you don't use, cos you have frigging excel anyway.

Principles of Complaining - Cutting through the red tape and getting your way with rude customer service types in 15 minutes or less.

Management management - Dealing with stupid bosses, and working with brain-dead corporate types.

Speed Reading (Basic/Intermediate/Advanced) - Sifting through half a ton of reporting dross for a grain of relevant information

Small Talk 101 - For all your socializing needs

Basic Flirting - Required syllabus, Small Talk 101. Going beyond lame pick-up lines

What Women Want - Or Unexplained Mysteries. Optional cirriculum. Degree in Advanced Metaphysics and/or PhD in Philosophy good to have.

What Men Want - Or, Alcohol, Sex and full contact sports. NC-16 for violence, explicit content and inappropriate language.

Any other courses or additional modules?

Monday, December 18, 2006

Scent of a Woman

And THIS, gentlemen, is how it is done. Oh, and the dance is pretty good too.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's My Party - Let 'er Rip, Part Tres!

Not as much as Chin in the auction, but I DID get tips.


Not exactly my good side, and Pink isn't exactly my colour.

Getting into the spirit of things.


Party ON!

All in all a brilliant party, and thank you, ALL of you who made it possible. The people that helped organized it, Funky-T for kicking farking ASS on the decks, and each and every one of you that came.

And for those of you that did NOT make it, you have no excuses next year!

PS. the REALLY interesting pictures (and the NC-18 ones), send $$ to me and I'll think about releasing it.

PPS. Here are the Other Parts to the post.

It's my Party - Let 'er Rip, Part Dos!

Borat was at my party. Actually these folks I just met at New Asia the night before.

A Rose, by any other name...


The requisite cake-blowing


What do you mean my speech sucked? You try talking coherently after 15 shots.


And then they decided to auction Chin off.

Jacking up the price.

Bringing the price through the roof


Somehow, it didn't work as well for me.

It's My Party - Let 'er Rip Part Uno!

And then, the guests arrived.

Taking photos with beautiful women - Shirley, Jasmine, Cat, Angela and yours Truly

The price of taking photos with beautiful women

Chin's friends

Puker up, Joyce!

Now how many times must I tell you all, WHISKEY shots. NOT Tequila. Get with the program.


I have grown another head, this one much prettier than my usual one.

When it comes to getting the Party Started. Free flow is ALWAYS good

Jarrod and his lady, Crazy white dude, and his chica.

It's My Party I - Prelude

Well, not exactly, but here are some of the pictures from the crazy ass Fuschia party that marked both Chinfee, and my birthday.

Barf bags ready... Here goes nothing.


Funky-T, Jasmine, Andrew and me (sober)


Chin's friends


Now what EXACTLY is Angela doing to Cat???


Mah Nigga checking out da Decks and da sound.


The Calm before the storm

And then, all of high heaven, hell and everything in between broke loose...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Simple Rules to Live By

I have had this told to me, or overheard in the long hiatus that I have been away from blogging.

Simple truths, but I'm right now at a stage where keeping it simple is probably the best way to go, and the hardest things to do.

1. While you still have the energy, work. And give value to the people around you.
2. In everything that you do, do YOUR best, regardless of the circumstances.
3. Overheard. "I know I can survive anywhere and do anything. Because whatever I do, and I know I can do an EXCELLENT job."
4. Be Yourself.

Simple rules aren't they? I'm sure they fit in between rule #1 and #2347. Now to find where they fit.

In retrospect, after my birthday, I have found that I have changed somewhat over the last year or so. I think I'll have to go back and re-evaluate who I am again. Time for a year-end review?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Patience

The pictures for my birthday will be out soon enough, ladies and gentlemen.

You will see me in a pink dress. There will be pictures of me getting buzzed and happy. Bear with me, while the owner of this blog finds means by which to upload more terrifying moments of that truly memorable night...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Simple rules to live by.

Rule No. 1 to living a happy life : Breathe in.

Rule No. 2: Breathe Out.

Rule No. 2347: Never refuse a mint. Ever.

Monday, December 04, 2006

For The Truly Inane

This is a super time waster.

Warning: Senseless violence and carnage galore

Thursday, November 23, 2006

You're INVITED

Right, folks.

This is an open invite. If you have something on Saturday night, CANCEL IT.

My birthday is over, but who cares. I survived another year, and you're alive, and because you're reading my blog, it shows you got brilliant taste.

So, to celebrate that, get you, your kampong and your kampong's kampong down to Cocco Latte, this saturday after the sun goes down. Mark it down, and make it happen!

Date: 25th November 2006
Time: 9pm - LATE
Place: Cocco Latte
Theme: Fuschia

There's free flow, and there's TONS of good stuff happening. My "good" friends have dared me to wear a pink dress. With friends like that, who needs enemies? So, just leave your email address in the comments column, and I'll send that invite to ya in 2 shakes of a lamb's tail.

See ya Sat!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

It's a Big Ad

Cutting to the chase. Happy Birthday to ME!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Car X-Games

What. The. Fuck. Impossible, but it's done now.







Sunday, November 12, 2006

More Ego Trips

Yours Truly is now the world expert on taking care of wasted folks. Google says so.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Monday, November 06, 2006

I Hate Settling Down

Do you have any idea how many times I heard the phrase settling down over the last month or so? Heck if I had a dollar for every time I hear that, I think that will actually be a viable source of alternative income.

As I approach the big Three-O, various people at various times have asked me to "settle down". Frankly, I think settling down SUCKS.

Rocks and sedimentary deposit settle down. Sea anemone settle down. But if you are not a shell fish, or a mineral, why should you settle down?

Now, here's what I don't think is "settling down". Doing something you love for money is not settling down. Falling in love, marrying that person and making a commitment to spend the rest of your life together is not settling down.

But that's often not the case. Nope, people work cos they need the money, not cos it is something that they love. They're not happy, they're not utterly depressed, they're... OK.

Kinda like when you have a mosquito in the room at night, and instead of waking up, switching on the lights and killing it once and for all, you have it buzzing around you the WHOLE FRIGGING NIGHT and you wake up every day, grumpy and sleepy and bitching about it the rest of the day.

Likewise with love. Marry the person that's alright, that you've been dating for a while. Pressure from the parents, and from society that tells you that you have to get married. Mom wants to hear the patter of little feet, and all that jazz. So you buckle, you settle down with the most convenient person you can live with at that time.

And you wonder why it is that there's so many divorce/adultery cases.

Settling down, to me, is simply death by mediocrasy. But, to each their own. There will be some who are happy just to be content. There will be others who will leave the mosquito alive in the room and grumble about it.

Me? I hate mosquitoes. Period.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Senselessly Making The World a Better Place

My clever, newly-adopted daughter has suggested that we do this during Christmas eve. Clever girl, isn't she?

Now who wanna join me?! Sign up in the comments. Bring your own signs!


(yes yes, I have posted this before, but fuck this is too good to pass up!)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

When the Imps Come Out to Play - The Aftermath

And the inevitable happened. Courtesy of One Latin American called Mr. Bacardi.


Proving that I can sleep any time, anywhere. Kwong, being an insomniac is suffering from Sour grapes.


I was resting my eyes... REALLY!


Kwong, the kind man that he is, making sure I have mineral water so as not to wake up with a hangover. The fact that the brand is called Tiger, shows the minerals inside are really good for you.

And that, dear folks, is a wrap. Till next year! Adios Muchachoes!

When the Imps Come Out To Play

And this is what happens when I FINALLY dress up for Halloween's.

Thank you ALL for an outstanding time, even though I can't really remember half the night.


Stephanie and friends first accosted me at Zouk.


Self Portrait, courtesy of Min and friends.


Min and Apple and Friends. Err... is the butcher a guy or a gal ah?


Then it was the bachelor pad of the 3 Amigoes for drinks.


Getting my marching orders from Hell


The Lovely Ladies that accompanied me. Cat on the right has a riding Crop. Any volunteers?


The (not-quite) Adams Family


Insane fun and unholy merry-making at Attica and MoS.

Car Wars

Remember that fiasco between Macs and KFC a few years back? Guess what, it spilled over. Thanks Nicole!

1. BMW started a newspaper ad-campaign



2. Audi replied.



3. The Japanese have a comment in place too.

4. The CEO of Bentley looked at the chicken fight and puts his opinion straight!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Illustrating Sound Waves

Would have loved my physics teacher to illustrate sound waves this way. Nothing like fire to catch a boy's attention.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Look Into My Eyes

When was the last time you looked into someone's eyes?

I mean REALLY looked. Not just a glance, or around the face, but deep into the person's eyes.

Over the last couple of weekends, I am reminded that there is POWER in catching and holding someone's gaze, and the things this one simple act conveyed was tons more than whatever you are attempting to say. So why's nobody doing it?

I reckon, being all new agey, and philosophical, is cos the eyes are the windows to the person's soul. In taking a peep into the other person's inner self, you also offer up a piece of yourself for scrutiny.

There is an intimacy there, that goes beyond just words and normal action. In fact, an intimacy and openness that most folks will probably think that this guy must be really confident to catch my eye and not look away.

That's the metaphysical bit. Most of the time, people just brush it off by saying it's rude to stare and that they're kinda shy about it.

Still, because so many people are NOT doing it or can't bring themselves to do it, it makes someone who can pull it off without looking dodgy different, and maybe a little intriguing. Really useful too, especially in a club with loud music blasting like crazy, and the people on the dance floor's probably not really interested in discussing philosophy and doing 20 questions.

After all, body language is 70% of communication right?

So, excuse me, while I go right now, to grab some lunch, and stare some people in the eye.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Ramblings IV - On Fun and Growth

The last of the ramblings series, at least for now.

Why have we stopped growing?

Why is it that somewhere along the line of growing up, we actually start to fear change and run away from it, instead of embracing change?

Remember when we were younger, we actually craved growth?

Pain is not a factor, and we were not afraid of trying and and trying and trying until we succeed. In fact, the challenge of being frustrated many times before succeeding adds to the desirability of our goals, and whatever was challenging, was somehow, fun.

The euphoria of grasshopper- catching (the bigger and harder the grasshopper, the better. Remember the ones we call the tiger grasshoppers and the locusts?), the sheer joy of outrunning your friends in catching, the pleasure of strange creations made with lego bricks....

Yet right now, a lot of us fear change. It is almost as if we have lost that sense of fun that comes with growth and change, and we end up being complacent. We spend more and more energy ensuring things do NOT change rather than adapting to the changes themselves. We SETTLE down.

We start to value stability and status quo, and when things start to be different from what it is now, we start getting uncomfortable. We do so, to the extent, that only with great amounts of PAIN do we start changing, and every time it

Why is that?

When did change become tedious and scary instead of entertaining and desired?

More importantly, is there a way by which we can get back that sense of fun that comes with change, and is it possible for us to actually enjoy growth?

A conversation with a dear friend came up with this thought. What does it mean to grow old, really? Does it mean that we become more jaded, more tired and more rigid?

Or does growing old mean to be wiser, more accepting of both yourself and the people and world around you, AND have more enthusiasm than ever, simply you have sampled the wealth that life has to offer, and there's so much more to go?

Since change is the only constant in the world, might as well learn to enjoy the ride. After all, what's life without surprises and a generous helping of challenges? Some of it may not be fun, but hey, at least it's not boring.



Personal note: More physically damaging acts of senseless stupidity are done when a person is bored than at any other time under any other circumstance.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Best Things in Life

from Linda Chia's Blog...

You ask, what can you do? Well... here's a thought.



Changing the world, one hug at a time.

Monday, October 16, 2006

The Perfect World

This thought persistently dominated my waking and sober moments for the past week.

If I could change the world, what would my perfect world be like?

There will scenes of wonder and great beauty. Because it renews the human soul, and we need wonder in our lives.

There will be places of peace, solitude and rest. Because we all need to be alone with our thoughts, and put our burdens aside, if only for a moment.

There will be music. Because that is the language of the soul.

Emotions would be as important as logic, and both can find expression in the world.

There will be understanding, and empathy. And nobody attempts to force their opinion onto others.

Each person is reponsible for themselves and their own actions, and they actually understand that.

There will be occasions of challenge and pain, and trial. Because without these, the human spirit stagnates and dies. And because hope, love and faith grows best, when seeded in these.

Opportunity will abound for those who look hard enough, and those opportunities will blossom, for those who dare to take them, and have the heart to follow through.

There will be much more bad times than good. Only then will we learn to appreciate the good and while learning and growing because of the bad. Actually, they're all good, just a question of definition isn't it?

Nobody can tell the future, and everyone will just have to live each day that way. Because if we do know everything that'll happen, we just get bored, and boredem is paramount to death.

There will also be a WAYYY more sex, and whiskey, and contraceptives will be just a question of mutual agreement, rather than foil wrapped rubber.

Hmm... come to think of it, there really isn't very much I will change about the world as it is right now is there?

Perhaps it's the people, and not the circumstances in the world that makes the world perfect.

And maybe, just maybe, the perfect world is just a thought away. With the exception of the whiskey and the sex of course... heh.

Dolphins are the only other creatures in the world that fuck for fun.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Latent Superpower Test












Link: The Latent Super Power Test
Size Control
You're powers are 77% Mental, 83% Emotional, and 86% Physical!
You can control the size of yourself and have limited control on other things? You can shrink down to teh size of an ant and infiltrate almost anywhere, or grow as large as a building and wrestle with giant monsters. It's not an easy power to have, but there's a lot you can do with it. You can compliment just about any team, being both the tank and the infiltrator; just not at the same time.

If you want someone more submissive, try any of these for sidekicks: Elasticity, your own sense of spatial distortion will help them understand their powers. Invulnerability, your abilities will help them understand when it's simply not about shrugging off attacks.

If you want someone your equal, try any of these for partners: Laser Eyes, you'd be a team of precise abilities, both offensively and utility. Time Control, seriously, what's better than control over time and space?

If you want someone more dominant, try any of these for mentors: Elemental Control, their control over existing matter will help you know how to manipulate the same matter to maximum effect. Gravity Control, their control over weight will help you understand how your control of mass might work best.

Avoid Illusions, their alteration of the perception of reality only contests your alteration of reality itself.


Now I wonder if I can do individual body parts... ;)

The Nice Guy Paradox

I was in conversation with a good male friend as he sent me back today and I came upon the crux of the nice guy paradox.

Being the nice guy straight from the start, ESPECIALLY going out of your way to BE nice, imposes an UNSAID, IMPLICIT obligation on the gal to be nice back in return.

And ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but last I checked, NOBODY likes getting an obligation shoved into their faces, especially if you don't feel like returning it, or have no attraction to the guy right?

Strange, flies at everything that has been told to us by our mothers, and our female friends. But makes a lot of things fall into place, doesn't it?

And quite frankly, as much as attention and actions ARE flattering when taken in small doses, but if there is no "chemistry" or attraction, all this nice guy thing is just plain irritating to the receipient, right?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Ramblings III - On Attraction and Love

Or, Why do I not feel for the one that is good for me?

Strange, but true isn't it? When it comes to relationships, we humans have this absolutely amazing ability to find the ONE person amongst so many, that is completely BAD for us, and then ignoring all else, fall for him or her.

Over the last few months, I have done a fair amount of studying on the subject of attraction.

Here are some of the things that I have realized.

1. Attraction is a gut-level thing. There is NO logic. There will be no explanations and no reasoning out. The brain will get short-circuited and all impulses will be routed directly to the rest of the body.

2. Attraction and love are completely different things. But since attraction is an emotional response in most of us, that makes it as real as any logic, but about 147 times more exciting.

3. Men and women have different attraction triggers. It's obvious what men are attracted to. And women, 9 in 10 women won't tell you what they are attracted to. The remaining 10%probably don't know what their buttons are.

4. I have come to realized that since women are often not physically attracted, much of their attraction lies in the emotion. It is thus impossible to be attractive without creating some kind of emotional response. As such, I'm reviewing my policy of going as far as possible without emotions.

I reckon, attraction, is mostly a cocktail of helpless anticipation, heart-thumping desire, inane curiosity, laced with a generous helping of lust, and garnished with a big-ass dollop of mindfuck.

Then what's this crazy lil thing called love then?

Frankly if ya ask me, I can't put it down in words. We describe love the way it affects us, or by the things that we'll do for the people or things we love. But what is it that makes one person commit the rest of his life on earth to another?

Still, when you do see it, you know it. It's one of those things where pinning it down with words just makes it smaller, and kinda like the blind men with the elephant.

I'll tell you what it is NOT.

1. With love, it won't be happily ever after. It will not mean an end to the shit that happens in your life, or with each other. It just means that you're willing to put up with shit and shovel. Together.

2. Love is almost NEVER about the attributes. The question, "Why you love me ah?" is completely redundant. I mean, seriously, you can tell someone what things you like or don't like about him or her. But if there was someone else RIGHT NOW, with exactly the same attributes, standing in front of you, you reckon you'll change the target of your affections?

3. Leopards don't change their spots. You reckon just cos the person is in a relationship, he'll change? Nope. Not. On. Your. Frigging. Life. Nope... maybe, just MAYBE some minor bad habits might change, but that would be tantamount to a minor miracle. Don't count on it.

As my darling sis once said, it's about accepting that person for who he is, then growing together. Oh, and commitment, cos that's gonna take ya through the tough times. But the reason FOR that commitment, is well... love.

All in all, I reckon for any relationship to really work out, there's gotta be a huge amount of love. A big ass dollop of attraction would really help too.

Out tro *A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down... *

Interlude 2 - Stroke my Ego Baby

Ladies and gents...

I have been plugged and I am now discussed in Hollywood.

About time the rest of the world caught up with me. Heh.

Now, where are my movie offers and book deals?

It is only right that the world recognizes my genius. Better late than never. HAH!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Ramblings Part II - On the Balance of Logic and Emotions

There is a rather prevalent belief out there, that emotions are bad, and logic is good.

Here's what I think.

Bollocks.

Emotions at the end of the day, tell you what is really important to you. Decisions are mostly made according to what is important to us. Why are these things important? They just are.

Someone I really respected said that the beginning of love and hate is the end of logic. True. There is no good reason why we love something, or someone, and not another. Why we are attracted to someone, or something.

Emotions, and feelings in essence, give us DIRECTION, priorities, and meaning.

Logic is a wonderful thing. The way that human logic works, is to justify the things that you have already decided on.

The world as we see it is a reflection of what we "know" to be true. Points of reference that we believe to be "a sure thing". Logic just finds a way to connect those points into a picture, so that at the end of the day, we can comfort ourselves and go, "See? It all makes sense now. It's so LOGICAL I don't understand why you just don't see it."

All in all, there's got to be a balance, as with most things in life.

Where is that fine line where you draw? I don't know. You have to decide yourself. Me? According to an in-depth character analysis, I am 51% feeling, 49% logic. A balance you say?

Possibly. That just means, that instead of having at least one half of the world agree with me, I manage to piss off both halves.

Brilliant I say, abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. Won't have it any other way. Heh

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Interlude - 3 Questions

Oh how women lament that all the good men are either taken, gay or dead.

I now ask 3 simple questions. Here ladies, try it yourself, and see why it is that I take a lot of what you actually say out of your mouth with a pinch of salt, and try to figure out what you're REALLY trying to communicate.

Question 1 - What are the 3 MOST IMPORTANT things that you're looking for in a man?

Write it down so you won't cheat.

Question 2 - What are the 3 things you find the MOST ATTRACTIVE in a man?

Write that down too.

Question 3 - Why are these 2 damn lists different ah?

And you ask why you can't find the man you want.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Ramblings Part I - On Pain.

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more." - Grey's Anatomy

Nobody likes pain. Well... near nobody.

But we're not talking about physical pain here.

Nope, physical pain is easy. A couple of panadols and a nice big shot of whiskey, physical pain goes away like magic.

The pain that comes from inside on the other hand...

In the day, it's easier to deal with. There are always distractions - Work, friends, a thousand and one activities to keep us relatively numb and our attention elsewhere.

It's when the sun goes down, and you're lying in your bed, all by yourself that gets a little difficult. I think it was Terry Prachett that said that everybody is alone behind the eyes.

There is the pain, that reminds you that your heart is still human, that you can still care, and that you can still love. Shite happens, and whilst there is always a lesson to the shit... it doesn't mean that lessons do not hurt.

Truth is, we humans don't forget painful things very well. We're bloody ungrateful, and the good things we easily take for granted and throw at the back of our heads. Memories of the bad painful things though, take a lifetime to forget.

At the same time, it's those times where we are truly in pain, that we grow the most. It's those times, when we hurt like mad, that our brains start to work and we start to delve deep into ourselves, and learn who we really are, and grow.

Whatever caused the pain is now part of your history, part of your life. That won't go away. Accept it, embrace it, and master it, or it will master you. Ignoring it won't make it go away. But when you incorporate it into yourself, you become better for it.

Don't grow callused to pain. When you stop feeling, you stop loving. And when you stop loving, you die.

Don't grow hard and cynical. It is in pain, that you find the most beauty. In the deepest, darkest pits, hope and love shine the brightest.

Don't give up, or give in. You are so much stronger that you are.

The blade is not honed by gentle taps. Ore is not refined by a soft warm heater. It is ok to cry, to weep, to shout and feel down and shitty. Let it out, feel the pain, revel in it, then take it, and make it part of you.

And only through this constant cycle will you reach your own true potential, and find, yourself.

Dedicated to a dear friend, who asked for this post to be up.

Friday, September 22, 2006

It's not what you do, it's how you do it.

Go ahead... Click this link.

I dare you to have an outstanding start to your day.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

More... More...

Need new input... Feeling my brain slowing down.

What's good to read? Quick folks! This man needs brain food. That or hot, torrid sex, and about a half a litre of whiskey.

That being said, I just added another bottle of Italian Red to my stash. Thank you Sandy, for adding to the flamability of my room. Even though civil defense won't thank you, I do, from the cockles of my booze-pickled heart.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Stupidity VS Security

With the recent ban on all kinds of fluids on flights to UK and the States, the cost of being a terrorist has just gone down.

Previously you needed a bomb.

Now all you need, is a bottle of mineral water, a fork, and and an IPOD Nano. If you really really wanna kick ass, use a neon pink lipstick.

And now, the sheer hypocrisy of the IMF summit. Security is all well and good, but to say that NONE of the people who are working for any aspect of IMF, must have a previous criminal conviction? It's no wonder that the criminals go back to their nasty ole ways. Fuckers.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Neutering the Chinese Man

Over the last decade or so, the Chinese MAN has got his balls cut off by the media, piece by painful piece.

I know, it's scary isn't it?

The realization, I reckon has always been at the back of my mind, ever since school days, but it is only recently that the thought condensed into something a little more... expressible.

In fact, the effects of this has been so subtle, that only through interaction outside of our common circle, with people from other cultures, that the lack of gonads become starkly obvious, so much so, that it is even affecting our own.

Let me give you a simple illustration of how the media's doing it. When was the LAST time, you saw a OBVIOUSLY chinese GUY get the gal in the history of movies OR television?

Chow Yun Fatt was a fucking MONK, Bruce Lee had a mask on, and is the sidekick.

Jackie Chan very nearly had some in The Tuxedo, but nope. He had absolutely NOTHING in Rush Hour, and in Shanghai Knights, he was buck nekkid in a whole room of women in stockings and corsets and nada, zilch, not even a farking hardon.

Jet Li got to kiss Aaliyah, and then the dear gal died in a plane crash.

Every SINGLE instance I see a chinese guy in any movie, or television serial, anywhere in fact, there almost ALWAYS carry a stigma of nice guy, G-rated, and so fucking sexless, it's not even funny. It's almost like the Asian male has got nothing to do the fun things in life.

We're protrayed to be the serious, honest-to-goodness, science geek aka kung fu master, that's so zen, our balls haves shriveled up and dropped off.

Oh I'm sure that somewhere at the back of everyone's heads, they're thinking. I'm sure they're having SOME form of sex. I mean, China's got a quarter of the world's population, these folks must be doing SOMETHING right, right? But heaven forbid if physical touch is used for purposes outside of procreation.

By and by, you realize that this has slowly translated to real life. If you're a chinese guy, go to a club, and try talking to any person that is NOT a chinese, and you will realize that one of the first stigmas that anyone will have to get through is that consciously or unconsciously, the person you're having a conversation with will actually THINK he (or she) will immediately switch to conservative mode.

This, of course, can work for us, Asian males or against us. Of course. I like stigma, and I love prejudice. Cos the stronger the stigma, the stronger the prejudice, the easier it is to break, and the more melodious the sounds of preconcieved notion shattering under the sledgehammer of my reality.

There will, of course, be prudes who will stick to their ways. But like I told a friend of mine, Their loss, cos this Asian MAN is gonna have a LOT of fun, and TONS of great sex, regardless of race, language, OR religion.

*out-tro U2's With or Without you*

Peace out.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Wishes for A Friend

It seems that copious amounts of alcohol has a tendancy to stimulate my creativity. My wishes for a friend who celebrated her birthday at Mentos Central.

May you have joy, not just happiness.
May you love, without thought of loss or fear of pain.
May you have great sex, without unwanted consequence.
And may all your dreams be fulfilled, but one.

It's probably a little different from the original, but hey fuck. YOU try to remember after working your way through 4 trays of shooters.

And to my buddy from the Army, I'm damn happy for you.

That you picked yourself up from your last relationship, and put yourself into this new one wholeheartedly. I congratulate you for your courage, and your ability to be generous, which is so much a part of you.

Nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow. Make the best of today, and treasure the memories that you make. Cheers bro.

Talking Cock in Parliament

Genius, Absolute Genius. Watch the rest of the clips at YouTube.


Monday, September 04, 2006

In Memory Of The Crazy Ozzie Dude

Steve Irwin passed away.

Da MAN is gone. Blaze of Glory, and now he lives on in the hearts of the people that know and love him, and in the continued awareness of wildlife preservation throughout the world. This was the guy that made conservation cool, and jumped on crocs like they were puppies.

You did an amazing job, dude. Crikey.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Singapore Dreaming.


2 words.

WATCH IT.

then watch it again. Then buy tickets for your parents to watch it. Trust me. It's worth every single cent.

I am going to make it the first movie I watched in the last 3 months or so.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Quick Updates

Alright guys, fast one, seeing how I haven't posted in a while.

Thanks Gilbert for tickets to the Singapore Dreaming premiere. It's a bloody fantastic movie, and I think every Singaporean gotta watch it. Yes, those of you who hate Singapore and those of you who love it.

Kicking butt in the INVEST Summit 2006.

Suddenly a surge of overseas friends are coming back to Singapore. Tonight is Norway, and October, my mate who teaches English in the day and is transformed into one of the hippest electronic funk DJs this side of the world Michael Munoz is hitting Singapore. So far, this year, Canada, Philippines, Mexico and Norway have been represented. This is officially "Visit Edmund year 2006".

Had several brainwaves over the last week or so. Don't really have time to go through all of them now, but a lot of them occured when I was watching Singapore Dreaming.

Joined the XL Foundation Lifetime members, now that I'm connected to the rest of Asia, it's time to get everyone down and party.

I can now play the first half of the introduction of Hotel California moderately well. I am now dreading to proceed to the 2nd half.

Been slow in reading. But I have been fairly consistent in reading "The Greatest Secret in the World." I start scroll 4 next Monday.

The boys at New Asia Bar finally got irritated enough at me to give me my own membership card. Half a year's supply of Mentos has been rewarded. I now officially sign in 2 people, and unofficially sign in 15.

Helping my mate out with his pub at Boat Quay.

New Axiom - Maximum benefits, to the MOST people, in the LEAST time.

That's all for now folks.

Kamil if you're reading this, Nigeria and US of A are NOT represented yet.

Monday, August 21, 2006

More Cravings

One more place to add to the list.

Mexico.

Booya Ale, Jessi, Cecy and America! I do not believe there is such a thing as good tequila but I am always willing to be proven wrong.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

What's Love Got to Do With It

Everything. Thanks Jelin for sending the story.

==============================================
Strongest Dad in the World From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly

Dick Hoyt, strongest dad in the world.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons.

Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the
handlebars -- all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame.... right? And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.



This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. `He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life!''

Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an institution.'' But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to he engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate.

"No way," Dick says he was told. `There's nothing going on in his brain.'' "Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!"

And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that." Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried.

"Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks." That day
changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life.

He became obsessed with living Rick that feeling as often as he could.

He got into such rd-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. "No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive ld and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race physically: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?" How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon?

Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzz kill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think? Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your
own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together. This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters.

Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 -- only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you
hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago." So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."
============================================

Now THIS puts an entirely new slant to all the "My daddy can beat your daddy" jokes that you see around all the time.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Somebody Had to Do It

This is what happens when George Lucas and the rest of film crew plays the movie 245 times over for editting.




Now, for Elmo.

The Ultimate Add-On to your IPod

Ladies, you're gonna love this one.

And oh, DD, this MIGHT be the closest a machine can come to substituting for real flesh and blood, especially if there's Barry White in the playlist.

Cravings

I crave intellectual stimulation.

I feel a need to grow, physically, mentally and emotionally. I sense an impatience in me to devour new experience and learn from them, personally or vicariously through other people.

The hunger beckons, and I cannot wait to rush till the end of the year, where I finally will be able to shake of the shackles of normality and embrace the flood of new sensations and thoughts that travelling gives me.

Where shall I go?
1. Hong Kong, this time for leisure?
2. Australia (finally) and see if Ozzie parties are really as wild as friends claim
3. Myanmmar, to visit those who I still miss at the back of my mind
4. South Africa, and get smashed at the vineyards
5. Full Moon Party (But I have reservist. On the other hand, deferrment is but a letter away)

Ah, decisions, decisions... Wanderlust is engulfing my soul.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

On the flip side

After talking about KTVs for men, I'm sure there is the female equivalent as well.

Lonely housewives suffering from attention deficiency HAVE to have an outlet SOMEWHERE.

Thing is, women are just better at keeping things under wraps.

And so, the search continues...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I Hate KTVs

Yes. You heard it right. This from a person that actually works in the financial industry, and used to be in a brewery.

I. Hate. KTVs.

You know the ones I mean.

I refuse to believe that I am so unattractive that I actually have to PAY somebody to sit with me and talk to me.

Fuck. I should be billing the ladies for sitting next to them and giving them a wonderful change from the fat, balding, off-key jerkoffs that they usually meet.

And how much for a bottle of booze? Are you 15 different kinds of stupid? Do they have any idea how much that costs in other parts of the world?

Yeah well, you can have your way with them you say. Big. Fat. Hairy. Deal. Tell me I can't do that exact same thing at a club, and the women there are even more attractive, and potentially more willing, by FAR.

Well ok, lemme tell you the ONE plus point about KTVs though. They have a good sound system, and you don't have to worry about time, so you can play at being a pop star for as long as you like, while your comrades get down and dirty and get their egos (and other parts of their anatomy stroked).

Come to think of it, I think that's the only reason why the guys go to KTVs. To get their egos stroked. Come on. Wanna get off, head to Geylang. $50. Max. I think.

Why the FUCK would you pay 700% to open a crap bottle of booze, keep your shirt on and suffer your ears to the indignity of hearing your friends sing?

Cos there is a possibility, however minute, that the gal might reject you? You might be shooting fish in a 330ml mineral water bottle with a 12 guage shotgun. But hey, you hunt and you score right? Whatever gets you off, Tarzan.

Me, I'm gonna head over to New Asia. With the government throwing tax-payer dollars all over the night sky, silly of me not to at least catch ONE decent display eh?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Fireworks

You know how most folks in the world love fireworks?

Fact of the matter is, that looking at fireworks do not make me smile. Oh, the sense of kinship with 237 people blocking the road in downtown Singapore is good, and it IS an excuse to get out of the office, but fireworks by themselves?

They actually make me reflect.

I remember the reason why I believe people think fireworks are beautiful.

Because they are so intermittent.

Because they are rare, and they exist only in an instant of bright colours, and fade away into the memories of the people that watch them.

I remember that life is almost the same way. That the life of humans, like fireworks, flash across the canvas of eternity like a blazing brushstroke, and then is gone.

It is almost ironic, but the same thing that ends life is the thing that makes it precious, beautiful.

Because there is a danger of it ending at any time, therefore we treasure life. We cling onto every moment and try to make the best of it.

We hope, that when we die, we go with a blaze of glory, and then live on in the memories of the people who remember us.

So the next time you see fireworks, raise a drink to yourself. Be thankful for the time you have, and reflect a little, and think a little about yourself as well.

Maybe that's why the end of days is not revealed to us. That way, we get so much more done, that lying around and waiting.

Smart move, God. Cheers.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Wake Up for Singapore

I was happily sleeping in my bed on Sunday morning. Yeah I know, I have to get my ass outta bed and off to church, but that can come later. It's not often that I get to sleep in, so every chance to do so, I want to make FULL use of it.

And then, out of the blue. "Good morning everyone, and welcome to our National Day celebration." 23 different swear words in 4 different languages flash through my head in an instant. WTF?!

Maybe it'll go away. Maybe it's a really really bad dream.

It's not. When the national anthem started playing, I knew that there's no way my own subconscious is THAT sick. PLUS, I never knew all the words.

I gave up any hope of catching another 5 minutes of sleep and stumbled to the bathroom.

My parents were delightfully surprised that they didn't have to kick me outta bed. No, a sudden surge of goddam patriotism (not necessarily mine) did the job for them. Fuckers.

Happy birthday Singapore. Bah humbug.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Innocent

What an AMAZING company!

I hope that one day, that I'll be able to do something like this as well.

Maybe for whiskey... hmm...

Friday, July 28, 2006

I thought I wrote about this before, but surprisingly no. I haven't put down my thoughts on the the reverence of life.

I googled the words of Dr. Albert Schweitzer strangely because I was watching an inane senseless serial on Young Indiana Jones. Here is what I found. I probably read it a dozen times already, and every time I read it, I am inspired. Again.

A couple of weeks ago, on my way to Sentosa, someone recognized me on the bus. "Excuse me, sir. Did you speak in June in Chinese High?" Damn. I'm not only a SIR, I made enough of an impact in one of the guys I talk to, for him to remember me.

Each one of those young men would probably grow up to be much better people than I am.

I admire them, because they stood up to take up the yoke of leadership.
My heart aches, because it is a long, and often lonely journey.
I am expectant, because each one of them will have an amazing life, and I wish I was around at the end of mine, to hear the stories they have to tell.

I hope I didn't screw them up TOO badly. HAH!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

An Interim Post


A quick update. Been busy as fark over the last few weeks, and probably gonna continue till the end of October, planning and executing something really exciting.

In the meantime, I'm onto my 3rd chapter of "The Greatest Secret in the World". I challenge ANYONE to finish reading the book and following the instructions in the book. The last time I tried, I got stuck at Chapter 2.

The way I see it, if you can complete the book, you can pretty much do ANYTHING in the world. I dare you. Try it. Only place in Singapore I can get a copy is, interestingly at San Bookstore.

Would YOU test your determination to succeed for $15?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Lil Piece of Latin America

Went for my first Brazilian.

No, not woman. That one is in the works. Brazilian WAX.

The pain is overrated. Really.

NO, I'm not posting pictures. If you wanna see, find a way to get my pants off.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Saving the World from Impotence


Seen on the notice board of a university in Hong Kong. The next step from Viagra, press a button cures for all your penile dysfunctions.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Slavery in the 21st Century

You'd think that slavery is dead, that all the rantings of the African-Americans are just leftovers from history.

Not true.

A friend from Myanmmar contacted me on Friday. I of course, am ecstatic. Having spent 2 months in the place, and experiencing first hand the lovely people and the fucked-up government, I am always excited when I hear any of my old colleagues who took such good care of me when I was a measly intern escape the place.

When I met my mate for dinner. The story came out. And believe me, I was angry beyond words. Not just pissed. Not just fed-up. But a cold, intense flame ignited, and slowly grew hotter as he carried on with his story.

To come to Singapore, my friend paid $3,700 to an "agent", who's suppose to get him an employment pass and a job in Singapore. To the average Burmese, that's 1 ENTIRE year's salary. To raise that amount, he borrowed the bulk of it from money lenders, and his family raised the rest.

In Singapore, he got his employment pass. But his employer fired him and revoked his pass 2 months into the job. Since then the "agent" arranged a 1 month part time job for him, where he made minimal wage, put him up in a tiny apartment somewhere about town where he pays $130 a month to share a sleeping space with thirty. That's right folks, 3 0 other people. 1 toilet.

He hardly understands English, can barely communicate, much less navigate the intricacies of the Singapore Immigration Laws. He is trying his best to find a job that'll sponsor his employment permit, and he's just a tad too innocent, even for Singapore society.

I looked through all his documents over dinner. All he had are 2 phone numbers for his so-called "agent". After the first job, all the agent did, was to get him an extension on his social visit pass, and made him to a stint as a waiter, albeit illegally.

I. AM. ANGRY.

To me, this is the equivalent of trafficking in human currency. Bringing a person to a foreign land, leaving him to die. And forcing him into a corner like this, then ditching him.

Devasatating another human's life like that, earning blood money, I don't know how they sleep at night.

But when I finally hunt them down, somebody will pay.


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Good Ole Days

Had an online conversation on MSN with an African in US, a Mexican in Mexico, and a Canadian in Singapore, reminicing about the good ole days of yore.

They were the single craziest bunch of exchange students I have ever met, and the most united. It was a bond forged over Tiger beer and other alcoholic beverages, parties and a ton of pictures.

That, and one man made it all possible. My Man Kamil. The organizer of mayhem, the orchestrator of joy, and the chief chronicler of the memories.

Thanks dude, for raising the bar, and the amazing time that I had with you guys. It would never have been possible without you. You still are the best party organizer I have ever met.

The memories of those six months will always be with me.

Friday, June 30, 2006

The First and ONLY One

OK, I admit. I broke... This is the meme I am obligated to put up on my blog. This shall be the first and ONLY time I'm even volunteering for one. BUT I'm a curious narcissist. Therefore justified.

Post these on the comments, and I'll respond with the same for you. If you want me to,
1. Respond with something random about you
2. Challenge you to try something
3. Pick a colour that I associate with you
4. Tell you something I like about you
5. Tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. Tell you what animal you remind me of
7. Ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you

Write exactly the same things for me, and it shall be done for you.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Definitive Guide to Caring for Drunk Friends - Part II

Finally, the CLIMAX of the entire Guide,

Phase 5. Extraction

As per every well planned operation, 6 questions need to be answered.

WHERE? Club to outside the club in the least amount of time. If you ask nicely, some clubs even have staff exits for you to move even faster. ASK.

WHAT? Unconscious friend. Now, some folks are gonna tell ya that they don't wanna be moved, or that they wanna stay and sleep. Now lemme ask you dear wonderful people. When was the last time a drunk person ever made sense? Yup. I thought so. There are times where diplomacy and democracy is NOT the way to go. The person with the loudest voice does not have the biggest vote.

WHO? The best case scenario, we are gonna need 2 people to carry, and 2 to clear the way. Don't have enough people? The bouncers/waiters will help. Trust me. They have better things to do that clean up puke.

WHEN? Half hour before, or 15 minutes after. You don't need a human rush hour to complicate things. If you want to hope, stay as long in the club as you want, and confirm that the person cannot extricate themselves under their own power. Me, if you're actually at this step, it's already a foregone conclusion.

HOW? Pay attention people. Here is where most people fudge it. If the extractee is a guy, and you're definitely gonna need 2 people to drag him out. If the extractee is a gal, all the more you're gonna need 2 people. And as I said, 2 people to clear the way. Anybody who have carried anybody out, knows that this is THE RIGHT WAY.

WHY? You question the master young Padawan? That is alright, I shall explain it to you, only once. Remember the lesson well. Whilst a gal is lighter, extracting a gal requires more.. tact than extracting a guy. Several things may go absolutely wrong, and even if you don't need backup, you need witnesses to prove that you had absolutely no intention of a) letting the entire club know the colour of their undergarments, and b) at no time did you allow your bestial nature to take over and put your paw where it was not specifically requested.

The MOVE

NOW, There are a few methods that I personally recommend. Of which, the HERO lift is NOT one of them.

Don't know what the hero lift is? Go watch any frigging movie. Yah. That way of carrying. It only looks good in the movies, but is completely useless when it comes to carrying the person out. If you really want to, make sure you get it right. It's one hand supporting the upper body across the back, and another at the knees. Oh and do not hold the shoulders. Under the armpit. NOW you know why I mentioned point b under WHY.

The best way to get any person out, are these.

1. The piggy back - Yes, even if it's a gal and wearing a skirt. Simply cos at least your body is blocking the view.

2. The fireman's lift - Yup, sling over the shoulder and move fast. Only disadvantage, is that the shoulder is pushing against the stomach. You might just find out exactly what the person was having for dinner.

3. The Crutch - One person on one side of the body, sling the hands over the shoulder, and pretend to be crutches for the drunk chap.

4. The Swing - One person carries the upper body, and another the lower. The advantage is that if done right, the person can still hold a plastic bag to his own lips.

And so, my friend's buddy who obviously has been working out lifted her using the hero lift. BUT the arms were wrong, and to make sure she's still alive after evacuation, I took over. And almost dropped her on my way out. Not cool. I now remind myself I am not Superman every single day. Her friend however came in to save the day.

I am convinced that my saviour is Super, or at least has been going to the gym a heck of a lot more than I have. (That is not hard. I have never willingly stepped into a gym in my life.)

Right, so there you have it. That's how it's done. Now the next time I'm drunk, Do. It. Right.

All that's left is attempting to convince the uncle in the cab to ferry your drunk friend back home. That dear friends, is another story for another day.