Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
And I started thinking about all the relationships that I have seen come and gone, especially the ones where the relationship was abusive, or just bullshit, and I have always stood by my friends.
Now, I'm wondering if I got it wrong. Whether because of the support, I've extended their pain and in the overall scheme of things, caused them more hurt than did any good for them. They come to me and rant and moan and bitch, and I make them feel better about themselves, and about their situation, and they go back and get themselves hurt worse.
And I ask myself what if I withdrew that support? What if, I walked away and let it all go to hell in a handbasket, then be there to pick up the pieces? Would it be better for the person in question then?
Right now, I'm not sure. Solutions to emotional problems are emotional in nature. It takes something dramatic for the person to want to change. If not, then the person will never change. If he lies, he'd do it again, and again, and again.
The next question is, would me walking away create the emotional impact deliver the knock out punch?
Questions to think about.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Death: Humans need fantasy to *be* human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So this year, nadnut tries to change my impression by inviting me to the Johnnie Walker Jet Black party. I tell you, folks. I was told to wear formal for the event. I did, and I was bloody overdressed, but it's worth it.
What makes a great party?
Great company... Hello Herbert, my new best friend in excessive drinking!
Nadnut tells me that she just realized how provocative she looked in her black top that night, and asked me why we didn't tell her she was so visually stimulating that evening. We were busy ogling, of course!
But seriously the party was wayyy cool.
World Class Bartenders making even more kickass martinis...
DJ Andrew T from Butter Spinning...
Mus came later to the party, and we had an AMAZING time.
At the end of it all, I had a POWER NAP and then headed back. Very buzzed and very Very VERY happy.
Thank you nadnut, Mus, DK, Herbert, and Isaac for making it such an amazing evening. Thank you Johnnie Walker for making it possible.
Oh about the F1? I still think they sound like overgrown mozzies. But they rock cos they give everyone else reason to organize kick ass parties. See ya Next year!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
One that'll tell you the truth, even when he knows it is not pleasant.
One who advises with your interest at heart, even though sometimes the advice is neither sought for nor listened to.
One who shares the moments in your life, no matter how trivial it seems to the other people.
One who tries every single way and means to keep you from the edge of the cliff, even if it means being irritating, getting into an argument or risking the friendship you hold dear.
And if you jump, and you crash, one who is still there to pick up the pieces.
Come to think of it, what defines friends, are not the good times, but the bad.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
The electric potential in the air and the sense of stillness the slight coolness of the gently swirling wind promising so much, and yet now, just barely rustling the leaves.
I am strangely calm, and everything is in sharp contrast in the muggy air. The world is held in balance, between states. There is a silence that underlies all the sounds I hear, almost like a soundless note that is the counterpoint in the world's melody.
The note that calls to the storm like a void waiting to be filled.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Keep probing limits, keep pushing buttons. Never ever stop, never get comfortable, and never lose yourself and forget what YOU want.
Question of the day, especially to the people that know me:
Am I too nice to the people I care about, especially the women in my life?
Monday, August 17, 2009
of holding on with an iron grip, and watch whatever you have slipping through your fingers slowly but surely,
and letting go, and risk whatever it is you value disappear in an instant,
how do you choose?
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
The trend just serves to remind me, that every person needs an outlet. And if you keep it all repressed inside, at some time, some where, some how, it's gonna come out. And if you don't find some way to channel that to a constructive use, simply put, you're gonna explode, one way or another.
In a lot of the ways, the social media is mine. One huge ass aspect of me is an absolute extrovert, and sometimes, the real life (and my wallet) cannot keep up with my need to socialize. So I turn to the internet. Mentally, it takes up a lot of creative energy, sops up the excess time, and gives me an outlet for a lot of feelings and expression.
Parties, hanging out, boozing and doing stupid stuff are I guess part of my coping mechanism. A means by which I try to feel better, or at least keep things buried so while my body exhausts itself, my subconscious work out the issues at hand.
But at times, my closet introvert takes over. In the worst times in my life, I have taken to hiding and being alone with my thoughts. It's been a long time since I have had me time.
Recently however, another activity has come up. Exercise.
I don't gym, and I seriously hate swimming. Cold and wet, no like. Warm and wet, hmmmm.......... but I digress. Pushups, crunches, and from last Sunday, runs.
Pushing the edge of the envelop in physical self development is slowly becoming another avenue of channeling inner pain. After all, if it's gonna come out somewhere, might as well make it somewhere useful, right?
Time to get back the fitness of when I was doing martial arts, and dance.
Since we're on that particular topic, it's strange also that too many of our own lessons in life come only when we are dealing with pain. It seems like to we humans, pain is soul food.
When we're kept nicely insulated, it'll seem like all we're doing is stagnating.
So, now that I'm alone again, and with so much emotion to work through, the time for muscle ache and growth. If I sometimes seem morose and pensive (I just rediscovered this word today), I apologize in advance, construction in progress. Heh.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
that when we were children, we constantly pushed our limits, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
That's why we grow so fast. But over the years, we forgot that. That's why we stagnate.
Time to be kids again!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This was initially addressed to a colleague of mine, but when I look around, I see it everywhere. As we get older, we move into certain comfort zones in thought, behaviour and character. After some time, these comfort zones get carved deeper and deeper into our psyche until it becomes they become channels of habit wherein our daily consciousness flows. With that, comes a limiting of the possibilities that we see open to us.
Change can happen. But at great cost. To our comfort zones, to our energy and spirit, even to our own identity of "self". Few are willing to go pay the price to redefine ourselves, and carve out new channels in the bedrock of life, unless something big acts on their lives to destabilize it.
Things of course, like death, debt and disease, that sometimes don't give us a choice BUT to redefine our lives so as to continue to exist. This redefinition, is seldom pleasant. For those of us not "fortunate" enough for things like that to happen to us, we can only hope that our own force of will and desire to strive and succeed is enough to overcome internal hurdles.
To those who have done it before, congratulations. Tell me your story so I can draw inspiration.
To those who are working towards change, keep at it. The road is long and tough. But you are not alone.
To those who are discontent with life, but have no desire to change, maybe you'll make the decision one day, maybe you won't. The anticipation of the bite is often worse than the bite itself. Whatever the case may be, I wish you well.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
IS THIS FOR REAL?!!?
Cos if it is, I'm carrying my laptop with my middle and ring finger from now on.
And a quick rant. Why in the world is it so hard to find information on pleasuring women? Men, well... we men are easy, and we have the entire pron industry demonstrating in myriad videos.
But women, it's comparatively scant information on how you like to be pleasured! And to get an educational video? I googled for a LONGG time, and I found one. ONE! Come on, the majority of us men have no. frigging. idea what to do to make you come to a screaming orgasm. So please don't do that "you should know what, it's obvious isn't it?"
It's not. Now give.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
This is a paragraph that I found really interesting.
"Permission and initiative combine to produce a force of nature. It is inhuman and hard to describe. You do what needs to be done without regard for whether it is possible, because nine-tenths of your 'impossibilities' are imaginary. Strange that a 110-pound girl believes that she can't hurt a 200 pound man, but an eight pound cat (especially if you dump a bucket of water on it) can and will do so without hesitation.
A small woman can punch hard enough to break ribs, and it is far less a matter of 'know-how' than it is of deciding to injure and then letting herself do it... in the end, the critical difference between me and them is that they have completely lost their allegiance to regular human suppositions about what is and isn't true, is and isn't possible.
They lose their sense of reality through chemicals, and sometimes I can give up mine and even the playing field"
- Meditations on Violence, Sgt. Rory Miller
Taking an extrapolation, what if it is not violence? What if this concept is applied to each and every aspect of our lives, our work and personal lives?
When we lose what our preconceived notions on what is possible, what can we achieve? Are we subconsciously limiting ourselves because we think that that'll make us fit in?
Thoughts to consider
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Don't cry anymore
I should be the one that's crying
You've already said you love him,
What else can i do
I have already agreed
After you have stated your point of view
Let's not drag this along
We'll start (on our seperate ways) tomorrow
That's all there is
However deep the love, it's come to an end
So let's break up
No point struggling anymore
Don't ask me again
How I can let just you go
When you get there, remember to give me a call
That's all there is,
However much we love, we'll still say sayonara
Let's hug again
And I'll kiss your long hair again
Don't cry anymore,
Wipe your tears
How about this?
Love me again, if we're really fated together
Quickly go and pack your stuff
It'll be dawn if we keep dragging
Keep the keys first
In case you have things
In case you have things that you forgot to take
Well that's the song, and the translation. Enjoy!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Ingredients (makes for 2):
Bonito Flavouring - 1 pack
Prawns - 2
Crabsticks - 2 pieces
Mushrooms - 2 pieces
Water about 500ml
salt - 1.5 teaspoons
Eggs - 2
How to do it:
Chawamushi making comes in 2 parts. Making the stock, then putting everything together and steaming the chawa
Making the stock:
Put water in saucepan, add salt and heat.
Deshell the prawns and chuck all the shells into the water.
Boil for about 30 minutes or until you think all the flavour of the prawn shells have come out. Fire should be high in the first ten minutes and then medium low afterwards.
In the last 5 minutes, add the bonito flavouring and stir well.
Remove prawn shells and cool to room temperature. (I usually use a few ice cubes)
Making the Chawa:
Mix eggs and stock in roughly about 2 parts egg:5 parts stock.
IMPT: it is fucking critical to stir gently when you mix the eggs and stock. As little air into the mixture as possible
Cut up prawn, crab stick and mushrooms and split them into 2 bowls
Divide up the egg mixture into the 2 bowls. The mushrooms will float for some reason. I can never ever make them stay at the bottom.
Cover the top of the bowls with aluminium foil and put into a steamer. If you're using a wok with water inside, make sure the bowl doesn't come into direct contact with the water.
Steam lightly for 20 min to half an hour. Lightly means the water is bubbling but lightly.
The chawamushi is ready when you see that the top is firm and if you poke the surface with a fork, the stock comes out clear.
ENJOY! Pictures akan datang.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Thursday, May 07, 2009
"Of course it is! Either God exists, or He doesn't. Those are really the only two possibilities. If He does exist, as I believe all three of us believe He does, then ultimately, anything which promotes truth will only tend to demonstrate His existance. And even if that weren't true, if He exists, then whatever happens will be what He chooses to allow to happen - even if, for some reason beyond my comprehension, what He chooses is to have mankind turn against Him, at least for a time."
"If He doesn't, He doesn't. But if He doesn't, then none of it will matter anyway, will it?"
"I'm quite confident about which of those two possibilities apple. But as I believe I've already told you, men must have the right to refuse to believe before they truly can believe. And if it turns out I've been wrong all my life, what have really lost? I will have done my best to live as a good man, loving other men and women, servinv them as I might, and if there is no God, then at the end of my life I'll simply close my eyes and sleep. I there truly anything dreadful, anything to terrify any man, in that possibility? It isn't that I fear oblivion - it's simply that I hope for and believe in so much more."
- quoted from By Schism Rent Asunder, David Weber.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
And all in all, we men appreciate that you ladies dress up for us, but we really prefer you all dressing DOWN. Literally. At the end of the day, the lights are off and we have to go by touch anyway.
And truth of the matter is, that our approach to models are the same as how you women approach Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or Pierce Brosnan. Nice to have, but strictly optional. If we do end up with one, we probably won't know what to do anyway.
And no matter heavy you are, how much cellulite you have, or little crow's feet come out when you smile, it does not matter.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Shirlyn Tan is one of those.
No, she's not featured on the President's Command Performance, because she don't play some classical instrument so well that the Ae-tess people will notice.
Neither does she sing some teeny bopper doe-y eye pop song, so that she is discovered by some Taiwan producer, and get fame overseas before getting recognized in the hometown.
She can't play table tennis either.
But nevertheless, in my books, she's Singaporean, and BLOODY HELL SHE ROCKS! And she has a whole bunch of SICK screaming fans as well!
See? (picture taken from jaywalk's blog)
Anyways, she's diversifying and going to the States to train to be a fully fledged Yoga instructor. And it is my duty to make sure she comes back to us after 9 weeks, so that Thursdays keep on being Thirst-days.
So Monday, at Blu Jazz Cafe. Make sure you're there, and make sure you go in and raise a glass in honour of OUR OWN Shirlyn Tan!
Date: 20th April 2009, Mon.
Place: Blu Jazz Cafe, (near Haji Lane)
More information available here!
Right now, enough reading, and get going tonight!
Monday, April 06, 2009
And yes, while there is a really big age gap between me and my beloved, I'd like to say that for the record, I am quite proud to say that I am learning as time goes by. From being in a relationship, from being with HER, and from her as an individual.
Here are some of the lessons that I have learnt in 9 months:
There are some things in life that one just needs to take time to do. It's not good to rush. Chawamushi is one of them. Pasta is another.
Time management is not easy, and sometimes we all need to make sacrifices for the things that we want.
Communication is key. Under ALL circumstances. If you're not psychic, then make sure you say something out. And make sure the message is received by the other party is the same as the one you're trying to convey.
No matter how good at something you think you are, you can always get better. Yes, that includes any and all bedroom antics.
One should NEVER, EVER fake it.
My dress sense always needs improving.
There is a difference between the various kinds of brushes that women have for make up. Apparently there are 2 brushes for every contour on the face.
We are all human. If we need to, we can change.
We are always changing. Even our principles and how we express them. We do need, however to be focused and clear about what we are changing INTO.
In every relationship, there will always be give and take. There should never be a situation where it's one party that gives, and another that takes. If we sit down and do up a balance sheet, we'll never get to the end of it.
Never be conceited or complacent. The more you're praised, the more you serve to keep the balance and the arrogance in check.
Shopping is only limited by time and the amount of money in the wallet. There is no such thing as enough shoes, bags, accessories or clothes. 18 hair/headbands is NOT enough.
Some of these are lessons freshly learnt, some already known but have been hammered in over the last 9 months.
All in all, thank you, kitten, for being with me through these 9 months. I have learnt much over the last 9 months, and you've been wise and patient beyond your years, to a man who has too little time for you, and who lives literally across on the other side of Singapore.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
People who got nothing better to do other than sit around behind the computer and bitch and moan and gripe about people, and have absolutely NOTHING constructive to say.
Thank you for testing our mettle.
Thank you, for giving us the inspiration to better ourselves in every way for nothing else than to prove you wrong.
Thank you, for showing us who our true friends are, and how much they value us and complete us.
Thank you, for making us take a long hard look at ourselves, and make us a better person for that scrutiny.
Now, that I have toasted. It is time to pull out a switchblade, kill 'em and discreetly dispose of their bodies.
Picture adapted from Sluggy.com
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
It sucks even more to have to suck it in, and watch, and not have the pleasure of fucking someone over, especially if he is unrepentant and is too arrogant to even KNOW that he's made a mistake.
I look forward to next week, and hope wait will make the next meeting much MORE satisfying.
Damn I need to work off the aggression. Looking at this gym to take JKD and MMA classes. Anyone?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
I don't like men who abuse women. No. Belay that. I fucking HATE men who abuse women. I, too have had friends who were abused to the point where they lost all self-esteem and were nothing but empty shells. I have had friends who had the courage to break away and find themselves again.
For those of you who want to find out more, go to http://www.chooselovenotabuse.com/
For those of you who are in an abusive relationship, walk away. There is help. You are brave, and you are worthy by yourself.
A call out to the rest of me friends, spread the word. You'll never know when someone near you may just need that helping hand out of the hell they're in.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
"'Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice.'
"'Constructive anger,' (she) said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"'Also known as passion,' (he) said quietly. 'Passion has overthrown tyrants, and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.'
"'In point of fact," (he) said quietly. "that kind of thing really doesn't get done without passion. Anger is one of the things that can help build it - IF it's controlled."
"'If you really believed that," (she) said, 'you'd not be having any anger-control issues.'
"'Because I'm perfect?' (he) asked her, and snorted. 'A lot of men go a lifetime without ever figuring out how to control anger. I've been doing it longer than some, but I don't kid myself that I'm a saint.' I shruggged. 'A lot of things I see make me angry. It's one of the reasons I decided to spend my life doing something about it.'
"'Because you're so noble,' she purred, which dripped even more sacarsm...
"'Because I'd rather use that anger to smash the things that hurt people than let it use me,' (he) said. 'Talk at my subconscious all you want. But I'd be careful about trying to feed my inner Hulk, if I were you. You might end up making me that much better a person, once I beat it down. Who knows, you might make me into a saint. Or as close to one as I could get, anyway.'"
"What we hadn't known about, back then, was pain.
"Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids, don't.... We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.
"Each time, you come of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavours of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar, and safe into the unknown.
"There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all your plans and expectations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.
"And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.
"Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.
"Pain is part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things:
It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. The it passes away, and leaves you changed.
"It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
And to always examine ourselves for double standards