Thursday, June 17, 2004

Monday and Tuesday

Decided to group this together cos I reckon that I should probably cut a long story short.

Spent the whole of Monday deliberating whether I should sms Shal, but sending only one in the end. Asked her if I can meet her in the evening, after her dance class. She said no but I went anyway. Got the works. present, flowers, and chocs, all side stuff... wanted to get her just to start talking to me...

finally got the story out of her. Too embaressing for too many people to blog, ask me if you wanna know, and I don't think I should say it here. Ask if you wanna know and I'll tell in private.

Anyway, I really want her to forgive me, and everything. Knowing that it's not possible to do it, I want to really prove to her that I can be the kinda guy she can put her faith in... she kept saying it's too late... damn that hurts...

Tuesday was kinda gloomy as well... there was a Thai delegation coming in the evening from the brewery there, but frankly I was too sian to be of much help.

Anyways, met Kelvin and firmed up the deal some. So as much as I wanna stay in APB, I'm not sure if I can. Considering all that's happened, I think I should put some distance between me and temptation. Till I can truly be self-actualized, I shall not drink more than 2 mugs on any night, whatever the cost.


Still feeling shitty about Sat... and understanding how much I let Shal down and thrashing her trust... I'll have to build things up again... bit by bit... and to win her heart back, as well as her trust. Tall order isn't it? I don't know how I'll do it... but I know I will and I'm hanging on like a doggie on its favourite chew toy...


When I woke up in a suite in the morning... it came as some kind of shock to me. Where the hell am I and what I am doing here comes to mind. Next question was where was shal? Is she alright? Oh no, she must be late for her ceremony.

Then I take up my handphone, and sees that she's so angry at me, that she wants to breakup and I'm like what the hell happened yesterday night?!

Panic, excused myself earliest opportunity possible and ran out. Feels terrible... but not having the foggiest about what happened the night before... SMS Shal, and she didn't reply, call her no answer. Took a cab to the Indoor Stadium cos I thought that's where she said the ceremony will be held. Not there.

Next location, Shal's place. nobody at home. Double Panic. Now starting to take stock of my situation. Decided to head home to change, and shower. I look horrible and reckon that I'll probably not make a good impression with her friends.

Decided on a systematic approach to searching. Few possible locations, of which I'll check all. Checked her house first, still nobody, then it was City Hall, nope. There's a chocolate shop though, so got some for her. Then Dance class at Tanjong Pagar. Nada. Probably still at the ceremony.

Then I realized that I have her mum's phone. So called, and got a reply. Said they were heading back to Loyang, and that's where I went. Chocolate starting to melt... not good...

Reached Loyang. Talked to Shal's mum, Shal was sleeping. When she woke she wouldn't talk to me, and said it's too late, and it's all over. Didn't know what to say, really... Brain blanked out. Followed her around, apologize, but she won't say anything. Went to her dance practice and sent her home, without getting anything more than a peep from her. At this point of time, of course, I was both confused, scared of losing her, and 1001 things going through my mind.

Got nothing out of her except she don't wanna talk to me, don't wanna even look at me... so ended up going home, even more confused and panicked and in pain.

Part III The saga continues

Now Sat is a damn eventful day. Tzao Shen's wedding was in the evening... quite excited about that, but got into a dilemma of what to wear. Called up a few people, and tried to get their ideas. Samantha from Heineken was sick, Jon's gf Hazel was wearing a sundress... Called Kat, the life saver in the end and she had wonderful plans! suggested a sarong, and went to pick it up from her before I went for Tzao's wedding.

In case you're wondering, Shal's the one wearing the sarong, not me.... I was thinking of wearing one though, yes I have one, from Myanmmar. But since Kat approved my beige pants, i went with that. Got to the party at 8pm, just after the entrance of Tzao and Tori. Was looking out for Hazel, but can't see her... Anyway, the wedding's fantastic, the food's great, and the place was rocking.

Shal came, and I passed her the sarong. Went back to the party, realized that shorts were pretty cool as well, and got changed again. Hey, whatever's comfortable... I was probably the only guy without sleeves... watched an outstanding 10 year old couple dance the cha cha, and remembered that Tori did mention her aunt was Gladys, of Shawn and Gladys fame at Joseph Yeong's wedding. Anyways, everything was pretty good till this point.

Then things started going downhill. They started the dancing of course, next to the DJ console.... some pretty funky RnB. That's good. And Darryl and David Ho somehow managed to get a whole bottle of vodka to themselves. Now I haven't drank vodka for a while, but after months in APB, I'm pretty familiar with my alcohol limit. Took one sip from the bottle, and then some beer to wash it down. Things were OK at this point of time.

Dance some more, and talked to this chap called Kenny. Anyways, lemme just go into recall mode here. I remember drinking one more shot from the vodka bottle, but knowing full well I'm drinking below my limit at this point, and then washed it down with some vodka redbull. Now here comes the whammy. After I took that, I remember only 2 things. Dancing a little in the circle, and dancing with Adam. After that, I don't remember ANYTHING. Is it the vodka? or is it me sleeping only at 5am the night before, I don't know. All I know is I lost all memory of what I am doing from that point.

For you chaps who don't know me, I am not a hardcore drinker. Yes, I have gotten drunk quite a few times since I started in APB, but I am usually a fair judge of alcohol, and when I am close I'll begin to discreetly excuse myself. Things like "checking market share" and "need to go to the loo" or finding a really interesting neighbour to talk to at length about nothing becomes no. 1 priority. The whole time I was in APB, I only KO once without memory, and that was the first time I drank Guinness with the old uncles at the coffeeshop. Never after that. I may have been drunk, but never completely without any recollection of the previous evening.

My week 10-16th June Cont.

pretty mundane actually, still hyped up about how the opportunity opened up for me in my life. Shared with Kat, and decided to try to motivate her out of her unhapppiness... think I may have achieved slight success... Went home and got the quotation from the Japanese Association... at $450 that's pretty full on... but still Shal said that we should probably go through the Association and make them think it's their idea, then we'll get a huge discount... damn smart my gf, I tell you.

And she also said she went to tell Patrick that she's teaching a class, that's why she can't go for friday's dance class... Damn! I don't know if I would dare to do something like that... Watched Prisoner of Askaban, which, incidentally rocked... went home to attempt to get my proposal for Kelvin out... tat lasted till hmmm about 5am before I gave up...

Step no. 2

Yes yes, I know it's been a whole week since I posted online. But it's been a pretty intense week for me... full of moderate highs, and pretty intense lows.

I'm thinking of how to chronicle the saga of the past week, and I'm left with 2 options. One, a record of all my highs, and then a record of all my lows... and the other, to do it in chronological order.

As messy as I am with time, I reckon I'll do the chronology.

After the first step, it's been a pretty good Thursday for me... and a Friday, as well. Was it a Thursday, that I was talking to Kelvin, the boy genius of an investor. Initially I was suppose to be scolding him, after all he's late in payments again to Shal. But then I thought.. hey... let's give this lesson that I just learnt a go. And after talking to him, I realized that I am in a position to add value to his company! This is great!

I strongly recommend this method of thinking to anyone. Instead of going over and slaughtering anyone who crosses you, think about how best I can help that person get his job done better.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

The First Step

Well... there are some things that I realize that I hate doing. I realized that I don't like to repeat things too many times to too many people... why? Cos I am bloody LAZY!

But still there comes points in my life where I just gotta shout out to the whole world and tell everyone exactly what I feel and what I know. Every time I start talking about what being christian means to me, I can't stop. And now that I'm reading this book called the One Minute Millionaire, there's just so many things that I wanna tell the whole world! But, I'm lazy, so I decided to put it online, so all my friends will know exactly what's going on in this crazy Singaporean's life, and what's churning in the SEOW boy's head.

First, thanks Genevieve Tan... it's you who gave me the idea, and now I can talk to the world without repeating myself. Good Luck all you innocents out there... this boy on this tropical island is coming to get you... Muahahaha!

And now that that is done, High Ho Silver... AWAY!

It's 2am in the morning now, and I have just finished listening to the first of a whole series of audios on the Millionaire Seminar by Robert Allen, and Mark Victor Hansen. There are so many ideas!

Earlier this evening, I was listening to Robert Allen on the teleconference with Herman and Victor. Just before I left, Wins told me that whatever I learnt, I should share it with at least 5 people... Guess what buddy... I'm going one up on ya...;) It's on the NET, I'm sharing round the clock! (Told ya I was lazy)

Right, back to today's lessons. I think that the lesson that's just fresh in my mind right now is that when you wanna start something, 2 things one gotta have. DESIRE and COMMITMENT. Now desire I have, Commitment is something that I'm working on. I'm not a disciplined person, but there are things that I will do if I have the desire to. Waking up to watch Pokemon on Saturday mornings for example... Now let's apply those 2 concepts to other things, like, for example, change the world.:)

What do I desire? Do I want it enough to stay committed to that goal? I think that as I progress on in these buildup to the seminar, the answer to that question is an increasingly emphatic YES. I have slacked for too long, and been complacent for too much of my life. Now I'm deciding to Kick Ass, Take Names, and do all that, with a overwhelming sense of amazement, gratitude, joy and humility (well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad)

Reckon it takes a lot to get this lazy butt moving. But this time round after the accident, I think that it's about time to seize the moment.

God help me, I can't do it alone. I need help. Help me create a dream team that will make it happen. And in all things, lead me such that I will not move my eyes from the heavenly prize. Amen.