Answers to Common Irritating New Year Questions

This was running at the back of my mind since someone at CBB said that they hated CNY for the questions.

And being the eternal optimist and chief prank master of life, I have decided that it is the perfect time to get some good out of the bad.

Here is a list of common CNY questions that I know we all don't like. Here, my fellow Singaporeans, are the suggested answers. Feel free to contribute.

"So where's your girlfriend?"

• "You know, it's interesting you asked. I don't think it's time to show John to the rest of the family yet" (I'm a guy. Adapt for the female context)
• "John's spending time with his family as well."
• "Which girlfriend are you talking about?"
• "Oh, your daughter didn't tell you? (Pause) I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
• "She's in the hospital, the doctor's worried that the baby will be born prematurely"
• (for the gals) (look down at your belly.... stroke)"I'm not sure. But the baby is innocent, isn't he?"

"When are you getting married?"

• "Didn't your daughter discuss our plans with you? We have to do it before the pregnancy gets too obvious"
• "Why? Are you saving up for the ang pow?"
• "We were thinking Ah Yat Coffeeshop but it's booked up for next Wednesday."
• "John and I think that it'll be better once the law gets a little more relaxed"
• "On my holiday next month to Europe. I heard that over there, it's ok for 3 people to be in the marriage at the same time. Sam and I think that it'll be perfect. John's complaining about the cost though"
• "After the baby is born. She can't fit into her wedding dress now."

"When are you going to have kids?"

• "Have you seen the donation jar for my diaper fund?"
• "We're thinking of adopting from the orphan program in India"
• "When the condom leaks"

"When are we going to hear the pitter patter of little feet?"

• "You know, I hear that too at night sometimes..."
• "Where's PICNIC?!!" (for QY only)

Lemme go think of more over the holidays. In the meantime, feel free to contribute.