Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Answers to Common Irritating New Year Questions

This was running at the back of my mind since someone at CBB said that they hated CNY for the questions.

And being the eternal optimist and chief prank master of life, I have decided that it is the perfect time to get some good out of the bad.

Here is a list of common CNY questions that I know we all don't like. Here, my fellow Singaporeans, are the suggested answers. Feel free to contribute.

"So where's your girlfriend?"
  • "You know, it's interesting you asked. I don't think it's time to show John to the rest of the family yet" (I'm a guy. Adapt for the female context)
  • "John's spending time with his family as well."
  • "Which girlfriend are you talking about?"
  • "Oh, your daughter didn't tell you? (Pause) I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
  • "She's in the hospital, the doctor's worried that the baby will be born prematurely"
  • (for the gals) (look down at your belly.... stroke)"I'm not sure. But the baby is innocent, isn't he?"
"When are you getting married?"
  • "Didn't your daughter discuss our plans with you? We have to do it before the pregnancy gets too obvious"
  • "Why? Are you saving up for the ang pow?"
  • "We were thinking Ah Yat Coffeeshop but it's booked up for next Wednesday."
  • "John and I think that it'll be better once the law gets a little more relaxed"
  • "On my holiday next month to Europe. I heard that over there, it's ok for 3 people to be in the marriage at the same time. Sam and I think that it'll be perfect. John's complaining about the cost though"
  • "After the baby is born. She can't fit into her wedding dress now."

"When are you going to have kids?"
  • "Have you seen the donation jar for my diaper fund?"
  • "We're thinking of adopting from the orphan program in India"
  • "When the condom leaks"

"When are we going to hear the pitter patter of little feet?"
  • "You know, I hear that too at night sometimes..."
  • "Where's PICNIC?!!" (for QY only)

Lemme go think of more over the holidays. In the meantime, feel free to contribute.


k said...

"when are you getting married?"
pause for a while, act like you're trying to hold back tears, fail, then burst out crying, "we were supposed to get married this year then s/he left me for someone x years younger/older and prettier than me!"

-insert rant about how much you hate wo/men and how you can never trust wo/men again-

wait for stunned, awkward silence.


SG Fairy said...

"when are you going to have kids?"

Ans: When you give me enough angbao money for it... very costly these days you know! Btw, do you have life insurance?

*watch them run far, far away*

nb: great for the irritating over-cheerful girls/boys asking you to buy flowers on v-day too.

"I'm allergic to flowers/love. Btw, do you have life insurance?"

Jason Ho said...

dammit!! I should have read ur entry before meeting my relatives..my answers were these:

Q. When are you getting married?
A. Hahahahah!! (Takes ang pow and walks off)

Q. Where is your girlfriend?
A. Hahahahaha!! (Takes ang pow and walks off)

Sheylara said...

Har HAR HAR.!!

By the way, you take too bloody long to reply SMS'es. Can you give me an answer already!