Wednesday, December 28, 2005

To Love or To be Loved

It's a preference really, which is preferable of the two. Each is nice its own way, each is painful in its own way as well.

I think people are naturally inclined to a particular direction. Too often, folks are saying how wonderful it is to be loved. How nice it is to be the receipient of adoration, and it is true. We all crave to be significant. We want to be the centre of someone else's world. Of course, there is that safety, that warm glow that comes from being secure in the affection of someone else, and having a safe harbour to come back to.

And when you are in love, the emotional roller-coaster probably gives you the same kinda high as a real one. Maybe even more, since you're perpetually on it. At the start at least. Even if it's unrequited love, there is a special feeling in giving unreservedly to someone and bringing a smile to the face of that special someone.

I'm gonna seperate the two right now, cos it's all well and good when one is in a relationship when it's mutual. The skies open up, the sun is shining, there's a rainbow in the rain, and with every step the flowers open and sing, and all that. (Long term relationships take a lot more work. Those that are in it know, and it's the occasional moments of transcendant joy that makes all the crap worth it)

So, the S$10,251.30 question... the ideal situation aside, which would you rather be? To love? Or to BE loved?

Both have their wonderful side. To balance things off, there is also the emotional burdens that come with loving someone, or being loved.

When you love unrequitedly, the emotional roller-coaster is agonizing. The feeling of being strung up and not knowing where you're going. The pain of knowing it is unrequited, and all that jazz about "when you really love someone you won't care if the person returns that love to you".

Crap, of course you care. And because you love that person, you care infinitely more. And it's gonna affect you. Only question is, how much, and can you live on with it. And of course, that question of how long you would hang on, and will you get over it, if you're ever gonna.

And now, the little talked about downside of being loved. It's strange isn't it? There's no obligation to returning the affection, there's no need for you to. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. REALLY?

Not if you have half a heart, or actually have an iota of care for the other party. Knowing what the other party is going through, and knowing you cannot reciprocate, even when you really want to. Questioning yourself about why it is that you can't feel the same way for this person that is so nice to you. Isn't that what you always wanted? What do you really want... Well, probably every little gesture, every present and stuff is gonna be tinged with a little guilt.

If you have a God-complex, it's even worse. The agony is insidious, and the pain, whilst not direct, or outright, probably makes that which comes from unrequited love seem cathartic in comparison. Worse yet, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Gotta watch yourself as well, in case sensibilities get outraged, or encorage the other party. Ahh... the considerations and ramifications...

In short, even that feeling is NOT GOOD.

For me, at the end of the day, what's my decision? I choose to love. Maybe that's why I subconsciously supress my overwhelming attractiveness.


Kismet said...

I think this is a question as old as "what is love". I have loved someone in a very giving way...almost agape kinda way, bordering on some call stupidly kinda way..I think the question to ask oneself before this is.."Do I love myself?"

Some may say this is a selfish question but I came to realise this after loving someone else that much that love needs to come from love. If one does not know the basic of loving even oneself, how does one love another? It even came to the point to me asking did I really love? I came to accept it as learning about one side of love because I realised it's a journey, not a destination. You will never find the true definition of love because it changes with you.

Back to the topic..why ask that question? Besides that one needs to understand the basics of loving, its also a case of understanding that if you love yourself, there are some things you will do and not do. To love unreservedly is noble, but if it crosses to the stage of lack of self love, is it still the case? And you are right, even a small bleeding wound will cause a person to die if the bleeding doesn't stop. To keep loving and live in a unreciprocrated state is like endless bleeding. I read a story about a missionary who also said, people need love back as much as they give because they will run dry and be unable to give too.

On the other side of the table..being on the receiving end..I also learnt one thing..loving someone is also sometimes about letting the person go. For that, go figure what it means :)

gen4sure said...

well...doesn't that boil down to one sentence?? if u can't love urself, what makes a person think that they can love another??? *cheers*