Friday, February 17, 2006

Putting Everything in Perspective

My Friend Chek just smsed me.

An ex-colleague just passed away this morning of a heart attack.

Fuck. This is sudden. A hole in my heart opens up suddenly.

No, I wasn't close to Brandon, neither did we work very closely together in the 5 months I was in APB. Still, he was a likeable fellow, and I had a couple of interesting conversations with him.

He was suppose to leave APB to further his studies in Oz. Brisbane I believe. I cannot remember what it is that he was suppose to be studying. He was interested in trading. I know because we discussed it a couple of times when I popped back to the party bus, and another one of the soccer events, we talked about it.

He was gonna get out, and get going. In a certain sense, I guess he did.

Puts everything in perspective doesn't it? The death of someone that you know. Especially something as sudden as this. What would you do, if you really knew you had 24 hours left to live? Would you make the same decisions that you did?

What would really change?

I guess that's why we go to funerals. The dead is already gone, they don't care anymore. The funeral is solace for the living. A way of tying up loose ends, to do SOMETHING for the person who left so suddenly. To the living, it is also a mirror. It questions us on our own lives, the things we have done, and the decisions we made.

If we were the person that is lying right now, in the coffin, how would we ourselves look at our own lives? Would the things we spend so much time doing still be important to us? Or would some things that we too often overlook suddenly seem absolutely vital?

I go for the wake tonight. In part, for the loved ones of a colleague I never had the chance to know well. In part, for myself, a manner for self-reflection.

Cheers Brandon. This beer is for you.


Nicole said...

In my last 24 hours, I'll write. I'll spend the time writing out my thoughts, my emotions, my life, messages to those I love. I'll thank everyone who made a difference to me, thank them again, to have them know that they were wonderful, and I cherish them up to my last breath.

Then of course, the question is, why shouldn't I do it now?

If I drop off dead after submitting this comment, would I change anything in the past 24 hours? Yes. So many. Live everyday 'sif it's the last. Who actually does that?

gen4sure said...

yeah..kind of agree with nicole.. how can we EVER live everyday as the last.... if we did..there would be NO such things as appointments, event dates, & what u do now affects the future..... *laughs*...if i know i'm going to die in the next 24 hours, i'll go rob a bank.... *laughs*

just kidding..i'm sure..... *laughs*..but answer will be the same as the one i give in primary school... i'll just do the same old things that i'm doing.... when i die, its not going to affect the world..... therefore... i never choose the regret what i have done..because what i'm doing now... affects the future.....

my 2 cents worth...

Vandalin said...

Well if you're following your schedule exactly, then you're good to go. Well done Gen!

I wrote it, cos for me, there are times where even though things are impt, I put them off till tomorrow, simply cos I believe there IS gonna be a tomorrow.

Don't think anyone can constantly live every day like it's their last. Don't mean we shouldn't try at least.

gen4sure said...

*laughs*nah...i'm always procrastinating and NOT following my schedule..but just that... in the world, if a person dies, there will always be another person that could do the job for u... how many times besides TV & movie serials do you see the "dying" person able to finish doing EVERYTHING important to him and giving his LAST wishes to EVERYONE before he leaves???? i would say.... RARE.... *laughs*..but i do know one thing..when the Lord wants u...THAT is the UTMOST importance...Nothing is more significant....