Thursday, October 05, 2006

Ramblings III - On Attraction and Love

Or, Why do I not feel for the one that is good for me?

Strange, but true isn't it? When it comes to relationships, we humans have this absolutely amazing ability to find the ONE person amongst so many, that is completely BAD for us, and then ignoring all else, fall for him or her.

Over the last few months, I have done a fair amount of studying on the subject of attraction.

Here are some of the things that I have realized.

1. Attraction is a gut-level thing. There is NO logic. There will be no explanations and no reasoning out. The brain will get short-circuited and all impulses will be routed directly to the rest of the body.

2. Attraction and love are completely different things. But since attraction is an emotional response in most of us, that makes it as real as any logic, but about 147 times more exciting.

3. Men and women have different attraction triggers. It's obvious what men are attracted to. And women, 9 in 10 women won't tell you what they are attracted to. The remaining 10%probably don't know what their buttons are.

4. I have come to realized that since women are often not physically attracted, much of their attraction lies in the emotion. It is thus impossible to be attractive without creating some kind of emotional response. As such, I'm reviewing my policy of going as far as possible without emotions.

I reckon, attraction, is mostly a cocktail of helpless anticipation, heart-thumping desire, inane curiosity, laced with a generous helping of lust, and garnished with a big-ass dollop of mindfuck.

Then what's this crazy lil thing called love then?

Frankly if ya ask me, I can't put it down in words. We describe love the way it affects us, or by the things that we'll do for the people or things we love. But what is it that makes one person commit the rest of his life on earth to another?

Still, when you do see it, you know it. It's one of those things where pinning it down with words just makes it smaller, and kinda like the blind men with the elephant.

I'll tell you what it is NOT.

1. With love, it won't be happily ever after. It will not mean an end to the shit that happens in your life, or with each other. It just means that you're willing to put up with shit and shovel. Together.

2. Love is almost NEVER about the attributes. The question, "Why you love me ah?" is completely redundant. I mean, seriously, you can tell someone what things you like or don't like about him or her. But if there was someone else RIGHT NOW, with exactly the same attributes, standing in front of you, you reckon you'll change the target of your affections?

3. Leopards don't change their spots. You reckon just cos the person is in a relationship, he'll change? Nope. Not. On. Your. Frigging. Life. Nope... maybe, just MAYBE some minor bad habits might change, but that would be tantamount to a minor miracle. Don't count on it.

As my darling sis once said, it's about accepting that person for who he is, then growing together. Oh, and commitment, cos that's gonna take ya through the tough times. But the reason FOR that commitment, is well... love.

All in all, I reckon for any relationship to really work out, there's gotta be a huge amount of love. A big ass dollop of attraction would really help too.

Out tro *A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down... *


DirtyDancer said...

"When it comes to relationships, we humans have this absolutely amazing ability to find the ONE person amongst so many, that is completely BAD for us, and then ignoring all else, fall for him or her."

Agree agree agree. So fucking completely agree.

Birkenstocker said...

Love is love when u chose to love someone in spite of .... and not just because of.

Vandalin said...

Birken - I have always believed that if you love somebody, you love the whole package, not just the bits that you like.

DD - It's gotta do with what attracts you. But then again, humans have such a self destructive streak, the fact we are not extinct yet, shows that there IS a god.