Wednesday, January 11, 2006


The first week of the year, and I have noticed that my blog has dropped to being... trivial.

I reflect the first 2 weeks of the year, and I realized that I have only one thing to say. Something that is perhaps ripped off that Simon fellow in Americal Idol - uninspired.

Maybe it is the lethargy of the long holiday over December that spilled over, even now that I have been back to work. I was actually looking forward to coming back to work. Masochistic? Perhaps.

Over the last two weeks I feel a lack of a certain drive. I can feel the energy in me, but it lacks direction. I do not feel stimulus. Most things seem lacklusture and I seem to drift through my days not getting much done. The scary thing is, that I do not even feel a desire to shake myself out of this greyness.

When I was still in Judo, there were times where I feel that I can stand apart. Haven't you ever seem to be at two places at one time?A sensation of dislocation, and suddenly you become an observer, as well as physically being in it? I do that now, and look at myself typing on the keyboard, and wonder to myself what is causing this stagnation?

Notice how one comes alive in times of problems? All our five senses sharpen. The blood coursing through its channels, the brain switches to lightspeed, and oh, the adrenalin rush is absolutely amazing.

Problems are painful, stressful and they are NOT GOOD. They pick you right out of your comfort zone and throw you into the deep end with cement shoes. Yet one cannot but feel that the times when one is neck deep in merde is probably also when one feels ALIVE.

Strange isn't it? We seem crave challenge, we desire competition and it is only at our most distressed do we shine the most brightly. And my friends thought I was weird when I said I love exams when I was in school.

I think it's time to start looking for Fertilizer.

Let's try something different tomorrow. I'm waking up at 6:30, and see what happens.