Fear

For just an instant, imagine that ALL fear is taken from you while leaving all of your other faculties intact.

What is it gonna be like? What will you stop doing? What would you do? What CAN you do?

Imagine, for a moment, that you are not confined at all by these chains, where would you go? To what heights would you soar?

That, my friend will be the absolute limit of your potential. So live each day with a little less fear. With a little more clarity, and a little more assurance.

Then pray... pray FUCKING hard that you have the wisdom and strength to control the power that the lack of fear gives you.

Would you move the world to avoid stepping on an ant?

When one chain breaks, hope that the breaking of the chain will also give you the strength and the ability to use your new skills wisely. That's exactly the same reason why the butterfly needs to struggle out of the chrysalis. That struggle actually help pump vital fluids into its new wings. Without the struggle, the newly hatched butterfly dies.


Perhaps that's the reason why there's shit in the world. So we can learn and grow, and practice enough to use the new things we acquire through the struggle. Interesting isn't it?

The Mask

It's Halloween's today.

What is the attraction of Halloween's? I think before the age of internet, it's the one time in the year that people can be someone else.

I am reminded of Terry Prachett's "Maskarade", as well as the show "The Mask", and I wonder what kind of mask everyone wears when they meet people. What happens if we let our inner feelings out? What happens if for one day, or one evening, you can do absolutely ANYTHING you want, and not have to live with the consequences?

That's why some people like wearing real masks during this one time in the year right? They hide their true faces, and when that happens, they can do whatever they want. For some reason, the physical mask takes away the need for a social one and whatever is inside that person comes out.

So is the being that comes out your true self? What is it that you are hiding? Can you come to terms with your hidden self?

Can it be that perhaps people will accept your whole package exactly as you are, once you yourself is able to accept you? Maybe.

Scary isn't it, the Mask? When the face is covered, the true self is released.



On the flip side, perhaps, just perhaps, behind that wall that we put up, is beauty beyond measure, a bright jewel, a brilliant light that we ourselves deny, because we cannot believe that we are really that wonderful. Or maybe, like in the movie, it's just one bloody jester, just waiting to get out.

More On Packaging

It's strange, this man and woman game. I FINALLY watched Hitch over the weekend. I thought it was so good, that I wanted to watch it again.

Why?

Simple, cos it validates my previous thoughts on the subject.

There are absolutely great guys out there, and there are more than enough eligible males in Singapore. But bloody hell, we men SOO need "packaging".

So the next time women complain about men being shallow, shoot right back at them. The kind of packaging might be different, but if women still are taken in by packaging. Nice clothes, nice car, nice teeth, nice nails... We might as well be horses on display. Wanna see my bright bushy mane?

That being said, I wonder, what is it that makes a guy turn into a wuss the second he talks to a beautiful woman? Why is it that the man's mind blank out, the legs turn to jelly, and the heart jumps through the mouth?

Even I get that occasionally. Personally I'm not sure. I'm still finding out. Once I figure out that magic formula I'll post it, so all my brothers benefit.

In the mean time, gals, cut the men some slack. We're nice decent fellows. That's why we lack the polish. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and when we do show it, don't step on it. Reckon the only way we're gonna get polish is gonna be going out there and practicing... But that'll make us players. Even romance novel heroes are the "bad guys" of a thousand conquests.

Well... with christmas round the corner, maybe it's time for some gift-wrapping eh?;)

The Weekend

The weekend is positively slack. Not much in terms of activity. A lot of time is spent in front of the TV, watching the big stash of DVDs I brought back from the last trip in Indonesia.

Nice and relaxing. If only it was raining, then it'll be perfect. But Nooo... it has to rain today, on the way to work and worsen the already horrible traffic.

I like rainy mornings. Come to think of it, I like rain in general. Not to be outside and getting wet, but even that I don't really mind, in the army. No mosquitoes. So I do not have to be go crazy out of my mind trying to catch and kill the single most useless creature in the entire world.

There are 2 kinds of perfect evenings, way I see it, each catering to one extreme of my character.

The quiet side says, hot milo, blanket, one major mother of a rainstorm outside and me with absolutely nothing to do but watch movies or read a good book.

The happening side hollers out, for a very very cool party with fun, beautiful, INTELLIGENT people, getting half sloshed and shaking our booty to RnB, or salsa.

Over the weekend, barring the crappy weather, it's been good for me quiet side.

Today is suppose to be Halloween's... Maybe I'll head to town to see all the folks that are dressed up and shit. Should be interesting. Maybe I'll even put on that tattoo that I bought from Jakarta.

Giving Your Heart Away

A lot of people hoard love.

The heart is a limited resource, a lot of folks believe. And once a piece of it is given away, the person is diminished for it. After all, that's the reason why at the end of the relationship, a person feels diminished right?

You gave your heart away, and then it didn't come back.

This is what I found out.

After one gives one's heart away, the piece that is given away never comes back. A gift of love and time, and commitment never comes back. Of course, when a relationship sours, sometimes we have to return the other party stuff, like my ex returning the guitar that I left at her place, and me giving back her books that she lent me. The heart however, the feelings cannot be returned.

This does not mean that the heart is diminished however. After time, IF you let it, the heart becomes whole again. Broken parts heal, and soon, one is used to the loss of that missing bit. After some MORE time, the heart grows over the bits that are missing. I was about to say that the missing bit grows back. But after some thought, it doesn't. The missing bit is given away. It remains given away. And the replacement, is similar, but not the same. This WHOLE, NEW heart, I realized is better. Sure it's different but it is good. More mature, often bigger, more resilient, and more giving.

Strange isn't it? Give it away, and another grows in its place. Break it, it gets stronger. The more you give, the more you get back, and the more you have. Kinda like blood donation, I heard.

Or like pruning a plant to make it grow better. You know this weird plant called shui xian that a lot of old people who like bonsai grow? Only way to make it flower is to strip almost all the leaves nekkid. Go figure.

A Random Thought

Singapore government wants more babies, but don't want anyone to talk about where babies come from.

I wonder... how many people out there still thinks that storks deliver little wailing packages under cabbage leaves at NTUC.... hmmm


There was a story of the couple who had a problem concieving, and for years consulted the best doctors and gynaes in the field but to no avail. When they finally talked to this ONE specialist, the guy suddenly has a flash of inspiration and after some questioning, finds out that the guy has been screwing the wrong hole all this time. Don't even ASK me where that specialist got his ideas from.

Porn is educational. Watch it.

A recent survey of Singaporeans say that two thirds of Singaporeans have been exposed to porn in one way or another. The other one third in my opinion, are freaking LYING.

The Mad Rush of Life

My goodness, how time flies.

It's been so long since my last entry. And it's almost at the end of the week.

It's interesting when you consider time. Time flies while you're having fun, and when there are a dozen and one things to do. And there's never enough time for everything under the sun.

Einstein is right... heh, time IS relative.

One of the strange thoughts I have whenever I walk on the travellator from one side of Dohby Gaut MRT to the other is this. What if I can speed up time? For myself at least?

What if I have stretch every single second and live in the infinity between every single instant of time?

There are 2 ways to get from point A to point B faster. One, is to just be physically faster. Take a plane, take a bus, run if you have to. But the other way, is... what if you're on something that has got a completely different frame of reference from everything else?

I watched on Discovery Channel that the reason that flies are that fast, is partly because of the way they view time. Their "time sense" is much faster than everything else around them. Now, what if, just what IF we can stretch every single second?

For those who are interested, hey, check out "Thief of Time" by Terry Prachett for a funnier look at this phenomenon.

Now, next question soul-searching question. What the hell do YOU want in life? Everyone wanna get rich. What do YOU want? How much is rich? Why are you rushing through life for?

A friend of mine asked me recently what kind of jobs she can do. I asked her back, what do you WANT to do? Really?

Too many people asking that question, what kind of job should I go into? My answer to that, simply, is whatever you want. Trust me, if you have a passion for that job, you'll excel in it. Money won't be an issue, cos you're gonna get a decent load coming in... simply cos you're that good. And money will even cease to be important, because you're doing what you love.

Now the only question is, what the hell do you want isn't it? Think about it.

Thoughts from "The Game"

For men who have not read "The Game", READ IT.

Women in Singapore have been bitching about men in Singapore in Singapore being boring, crappy, non-gentlemanly, etc etc. I have come to the conclusion that it is NOT because we suck or we do not have anything to offer. In fact, I believe that Singaporean men, in general have a LOT to offer.

We are nice people, generally. Stable (if that's a good thing), pretty decent income, do NOT have the wandering eye (generally) and well, generally pretty decent husband material.

One thing we lack however, that makes us Singaporean males (chinese especially) lose out is our serious lack of POLISH. What do I mean?

Well, we're generally not good with words. We're not smooth, we don't ooze sexuality and sweep women off their feet with just a word or two. When it comes to dates, we aren't all that creative, and in general, when we fall for one gal, the tendancy is to do a veritable imitation of the puppy dog, and follow her around like a well broken in canine.

What we lack, gentlemen, is MARKETING.

And it is time we addressed this.

I have had enough of women whining. And truth be told, we men have a TON of things to offer any potential mate. Now all we have to do is to FLAUNT it. Seriously. Asian modesty be damned. The humbleness of the East, is in large part overwhelmed by the brash loudness of the West. And since this is what women want, this is what women GET.

Not the first time we adapted, this won't be the last either.

I'm not talking about loud 60's shirts, or cussing in Hokkien at the top of your voices. Nope, but the idea is there. There will be occasional woman that can see past the harmless exterior to see the quality inside, but let's not count on it. Time to bring the quality to the surface men.

Where to start? Get a couple of good shirts. Get nice shoes and a good haircut. Work out a little, and most importantly, LEARN communication. Verbal, non-verbal, as well as body language. Let everything about you show exactly the kind of person you are. A catch worthy of even that special woman (or women) in your life. Time to treat them as equals.

No more letting women step all over us, and letting them define our worth. We fucking ROCK and we're not afraid to show it.

Cut loose brothers, we're going out and we're kicking ass. Peace out.

Understanding Women

Sigmund Freud died regretting that he didn't understand women.

I have a feeling that 90% of men probably will be doing the same thing. The remaining 10%? 90% of THOSE men, I believe are gay. The remaining 1% are gifted in ways that no man in the world are.

I just finished reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Talks about the life of a Pick Up Artist, his adventures or misadventures. Loads of interesting stories and tips, and brings up a lot of questions as well.

What's the whole purpose of getting this book? Perhaps it's because I want to be more attractive to women? Maybe, just maybe, it's to find at least SOME tools to neutralize the mechanitions of women.

Over the years, I realized that perhaps women do not want the things that they SAY they want. A nice guy, nada. Someone who'll care for them and take care of them. Nope. What about someone who loves them? I doubt it. Truly.

Am I cynical? I don't think so. It's based a lot on observation of what women say they want, and what their actions tell me.

Most of the time, they don't gel.

Anyways, I wonder about what it is that drives two people together anyways. Routines? Games? Theories of what people respond to and thus using them?

I am not sure. I did pick something up from the book though... and it was allt he way near theend. It was a rule, to leave the women better off then when they have met you.

Tall order. Not one that is easily fulfilled. Perhaps it is the intention rather than the actualization of that goal that is important?

What do women REALLY want?

I sometimes think they're not that sure themselves.

Now how do I do this Picture shit?

Up and Coming Yuppie type
Cheem leh... Lemme see how this damn thing is done... once and for all. Confusing, and not much control leh... Think I'll stick to publishing normally on the net, then getting the html thing settled.

My techie days are over...

My dream of a Full Bar

Those of you who know me for some time know that I am always trying for a full bar. I am 2 bottles of booze nearer, courtesy of the Singapore Duty Free shop. Whoo Hoo!!!

Here's the list so far:

1. Grant's Whiskey - not the 100 proof one. I'll get that the next time
2. Kahlua
3. London's Dry Gin
4. Myer's Rum
5. Champagne (this was from Kelvin's birthday. I think I'll have to return it to him)
6. Cinzano - some kinda martini?
7. Martini Extra Dry - James Bond, here I come
8. Drysack - Provocative name but it's actually sherry NEW!
9. Disaronno - Some kinda Italian liquer, salesperson said it's like lemon. Smells like amaretto.

Wish List:

1. Amarula
2. Malibu
3. Southern Comfort
4. Vodka (reason I don't buy is cos it gets used up too quickly)
5. Tequila (Bad shit but hey, one needs to sacrifice for the dream)
6. Amaretto
7. Any other weird and wonderful liquor that anyone can pick up anywhere.

You know what to get me for my birthday now. And sponsor my tattoo fund!

Those of ya who don't know. I think it's about time to get something I have been talking about for the longest time. A "No entry" sign on my ass. Brilliant isn't it? Makes a statement, makes sense, rather asthetically pleasing, AND it's a bit of a laugh.

Well off to the office on Saturday!

My take on casual sex

Let me just say this once and for all for posterity.

I am all FOR casual sex, and pre marital sex, and I'm ALL for flirting and having fun.

Put down those freaking rocks! You'll hurt somebody. And off those damn torches. Let me finish my piece DAMMIT!

Now that everybody's settled down, let me quantify that statement.

I'm all for Casual sex, IF and ONLY IF these conditions are satisfied.
1. No romantic involvement, and both (or more) parties are clear on that. Sure, friends making out, and shagging. Fuck Buddies? Best thing in the world. The lines however are CLEARLY drawn.

2. I am attracted to the lady. Attracted physically and mentally. A friend of mine said something really relavant, and I steal it. "I'll only sleep with the gal IF I am attracted to her when I see her, AND I'm still attracted to her when she opens her mouth." Succint.

3. Both parties (again, or more. Hey, Swinging? Sure!) understand that this is fantastic, gratuitous sex and do not expect anything more. Similar to one, but subtly different.

4. Everyone involved (no more brackets.... wait. Damn) are alright with deeply satisfying, extremely intimate physical relationships. Cos some people just aren't, before marriage.

I am HUGELY ANTI-anyone who uses emotions to get sex or any other kind of satisfaction, physical, material or otherwise. I personally feel that there's a special section of hell reserved for these people. The heart and emotions are sacred. And I'll personally ream anyone who does that, male OR female, a new a**hole with a very blunt screwdriver.

Let's draw the lines clearly and really enjoy ourselves.

As for flirting, well, it's verbal banter, a test of wit. An enormous amount of fun, when taken in the right context.

There, I said it. And if you're not happy, so be it. Your life, your opinions. I respect that. Now respect mine. We agree to disagree. Peace out.

From Jakarta with Love

I am blogging this from Jakarta, having came over on Wednesday night for the preview yesterday. My IT guy and constant clubbing buddy, Zann is still concussed on his bed, and here I am wrapped up in the blanket, sitting in front of the computer, using overpriced broadband.

First time in Jakarta where I don't have to entertain at night. Also first time I'm sick only AFTER I touched down. There's a first for everything I guess.

Loads of folks think that Jakarta is a dangerous place. Walk out into the streets and get mugged, terrorists by the dime, and throw a broken side mirror and you hit 14 bad drivers.

Here's my take. The streets are not as safe as Singapore, and since most of us can't speak good bahasa, and look generally rich. Just be careful flaunting too much money around. Common sense.

Terrorists... hmm... haven't seen any so far, I'll keep a look out. But think about it. Jakarta is NOT a small place. It's got almost 9 million people stretched out in an area where you can comfortably put the whole of Singapore and then maybe Ubin, Sentosa, AND Tekong. Not easy to find a needle in a haystack.

Too often I hear people talking about a flood in Jakarta to mean like the whole place is doing a historical re-enactment of Atlantis. Same thing as having a news report that there's a fire in a flat in Tuas and think that the whole of Singapore is in flames.

Now driving in Jakarta. I am of 2 minds about this. There are a LOT more cars, and traffic jams here at rush hour make CTE at 7pm look like having one inconsiderate driver hogging the lane on a 3-lane road. The Jakarta driver can sneak through gaps that are tighter than Scrooge's butt. On the other hand, I see something here that is strangely absent in Singapore.

People ACTUALLY give way to other drivers.

I know, it's true... No matter how apparently RUDE these other drivers are, people actually give way. It's amazing! Makes driving in Jakarta a lot safer than some places in sg.

One plus point about Jakarta I give you. They have the most amazing restaurants. There's an enormous amount of things one can do with space. Yesterday we went to a place, where the ENTIRE museum is converted into a restaurant. The menus come at the back of photo frames, and my goodness... the place is pretty damn big. Food's not fantastic, but hey, when one is eating dinner at nearly midnight, it tastes pretty damn good to me.

Well... enough rants and raves of Jakarta. I'll be touching down in Sg again tonight at 915... ahhh... duty free... Makes ANY trip seem worthwhile. 2 more bottles to my dream of a full bar.

Make Out Songs.

I have been searching really hard for songs that fit this category... songs that just trigger something in the person, and sets the mood.

Too slow, doesn't work. Fall Asleep
Too fast, and it's more dancefloor, kick-ass, I'm gonna rock your world mood...

What's the PERFECT make out song for ya? Suggestions!!

So far, I have 3 that kinda fit the bill.

1. Kissing a Fool - George Michael
2. You can Leave your Hat On - Tom Jones or Joe Cocker
3. Virtually every song in Janet's Damita Jo album

I NEED MORE!

Sex Education

I remember when I was in Secondary Two, we were finally getting a subject in Science class that all of us have an enormous interest in.

Sex Education.

That was the first year that sex education was to be taught in the classrooms, as I recall.

My science teacher was one a pretty, young thing as well. Oh... now I paid FULL attention in class, you can be sure of that.

It was a 2 lesson long class, and we were given quite a stack of notes to go through. All the way from the biological drawing of the male penis, and the female vagina, to the process of sex, described the same way a scientific experiment was described.

I remember that the lessons were run through damn fast. Only time our science teacher finished class ahead of time too. I also remember that at least for those 2 classes, there was no need for her to wear any kind of blusher to class.

Truth is I learnt absolutely NOTHING from those 2 classes. To put it another way, I would have learnt as much about driving on the road as I would from reading 2 engineering textbooks. I reckon I learnt more from Aunt Aggie in one issue of Teenage (remember? LONG LONG Time ago?) than from the lessons AND the notes combined.

Naturally, consientious student that I am, I went ahead and did my own research. Encyclopedia Britannica, the dictionary, the copy of Hustler and the couple of erotic stories that my friend downloaded and printed out from bulletin boards (there was no Internet at that time).

I wonder why there wasn't a project on this particular subject. I would have aced it hands down.

Truth be told, I believe that this way of conducting sex education is completely, absolutely, WRONG. Bright pink checked shirts may have more going for it than the school sex education syllabus.

Here's what I'd do if I was given my hand at sex education. I'd teach my kids to be comfortable with their bodies and to respect themselves and each other. This I believe is the absolute cornerstone of any sex education class.

Fuck this up, and the rest is shite.

First and foremost, we'll talk about growing up and the human libido. How some people have more and others less. How it's best to acknowledge your sex drive as part of yourself and control it. One cannot effectively control something one does not know or understand, right?

Next, relationships. Now that is EASILY a whole term spent here. But condensed, we relate that back to respect and loving themselves and others.

A quick lesson on foreplay might be in order. But personally I won't really emphasize this bit. Unsupervised experimentation in the presence of too much information is a dangerous thing.

After that, we'll talk about sex, and its various manifestations.

The ramifications of sex is important. Run through contraceptives and their application. Pregnancy and birth, coupled with abortion, and the dark side of sex. No, I won't scare them half to death, but I believe that it is important this msg is brought forefully home.

Might even consider a segment on alternative relationships like lesbians and gays if there was time.

At the end of the day, what I want is a balanced view of sex. I want my class to be comfortable with the idea of sex, and what it means, yet at the same time let them form their own opinions. I also want them to be comfortable, and hey, some time in the future, have an outstanding sex life.

Then again, I'm not planning the school syllabus am I? I don't think MOE will ever let me use Playboy as part of the course material. But a man can dream.

Free Speech, Sex and Perfect Competition

Loads of hype and stories and attention on blogs nowadays. Seems like there is one more article today on Straits Times Digital Life about sex blogs.

Questions on the internet always bring to mind the free speech issue. The question of where the limit of freedom is, and when if at any time, any kind of real world authority should step in to regulate.

This is cyberspace, the last frontier on Earth. The Wild West on a global scale, the literal "perfect competition".

When Adam Smith put forth the idea of perfect competition, he could have been thinking of the Internet. Without any literal funnels or barriers except one's mind, one is literally able to explore all of the world and jump from one data stream to another at a click of the mouse button.

Almost zero barriers to entry, except for the strength needed to move the cursor, and truly online, there's nothing more than coloured pixels on the screen.

In the ultimate representation of free speech, should there be a certain kind of regulation? Or should there, as in the case of the perfect competition model, let the public mind, or the group censor itself?

Heavy questions.

I put forward to you, my friends an alternate point of view to the immediate reaction of the public to yet another chain the Singaporean government has seen fit to weigh us down with.
With the advent of free speech, and the invention and proliferation of the net, consider carefully the things that would be seen by everyone. You , the person that creates a webpage, or puts something online, have the power to shape lives, because any and everyone can see what you write. That, at the very least, is a power unto itself.

Use it wisely.

That being said, the net is where ALL points of view can be expressed. Mainstream, alternative, out of this world, or out of the dimensions even. Each point of view, each thought, each idea has a life of its own, and it is up to the audience to accept or reject, or even boycott.

Messages being sent need fertile ground for it to be recieved. The net is a sending medium. The person that surfs is a receiver.

Let us then NOT put the onus completely on the shoulders of those who send out messages, but also spend some time to work on the soil that the seeds land on.

Can we keep the Singaporean in the greenhouse forever? Is that even advisable?

Why look at only the Singaporean blogger? Should we even consider the nationality of the blogger in the first place? If I post a seditious entry in international waters, does that then make it acceptable?

Blogs are vents to what lies in the minds and hearts of people. The net, a medium by which the silent majority is given a voice to the world. To the powers that be, if you're reading this. I have this to say. Ignore this voice and this feedback at your own risk. Ideas have a way of popping up and growing the more one quash them down.

Brilliant ideas grow out of the fertile loam of chaos, don't they?

As far as sex blogs are concerned. Is sex not part of life? Forsake sex, and how are you gonna get 2.2 children per couple as replacement rate? I completely agree with Sex Doll is a beautiful and natural part of life. NO WAY are we ever gonna get artifically inseminated and raise the kids. All work and no play??? Are you fucking NUTS?!

Hey think about it... every single person sitting in parliament right now, can trace his or her roots to one dark stormy night and hot torrid sex right?

So, last word on this, before I rant on and on. Folks that post, remember your audience. Powers that be, learn to let go before it kills you. And if you really want someone to always agree to everything you do and say, get a dog or a Filipino maid.

Internet, the Last Frontier

Loads of hype and stories and attention on blogs nowadays. Seems like there is one more article today on Straits Times Digital Life about sex blogs.

Questions on the internet always bring to mind the free speech issue. The question of where the limit of freedom is, and when if at any time, any kind of real world authority should step in to regulate.

This is cyberspace, the last frontier on Earth. The Wild West on a global scale, the literal "perfect competition".

When Adam Smith put forth the idea of perfect competition, he could have been thinking of the Internet. Without any literal funnels or barriers except one's mind, one is literally able to explore all of the world and jump from one data stream to another at a click of the mouse button.

Almost zero barriers to entry, except for the strength needed to move the cursor, and truly online, there's nothing more than coloured pixels on the screen.

In the ultimate representation of free speech, should there be a certain kind of regulation? Or should there, as in the case of the perfect competition model, let the public mind, or the group censor itself?

Heavy questions.

I put forward to you, my friends an alternate point of view to the immediate reaction of the public to yet another chain the Singaporean government has seen fit to weigh us down with.

With the advent of free speech, and the invention and proliferation of the net, consider carefully the things that would be seen by everyone. You , the person that creates a webpage, or puts something online, have the power to shape lives, because any and everyone can see what you write. That, at the very least, is a href="http://vandalin.blogspot.com/2005/10/power.html"> power unto itself.

Use it wisely.

That being said, the net is where ALL points of view can be expressed. Mainstream, alternative, out of this world, or out of the dimensions even. Each point of view, each thought, each idea has a life of its own, and it is up to the audience to accept or reject, or even boycott.

Messages being sent need fertile ground for it to be recieved. The net is a sending medium. The person that surfs is a receiver.

Let us then NOT put the onus completely on the shoulders of those who send out messages, but also spend some time to work on the soil that the seeds land on.

Can we keep the Singaporean in the greenhouse forever? Is that advisable?

Why look at only the Singaporean blogger? Should we even consider the nationality of the blogger in the first place? If I post a seditious entry in international waters, does that then make it acceptable?

Blogs are vents to what lies in the minds and hearts of people. The net, a medium by which the silent majority is given a voice to the world. To the powers that be, if you're reading this. I have this to say. Ignore this voice and this feedback at your own risk. Ideas have a way of popping up and growing the more one quash them down.

Brilliant ideas grow out of the fertile loam of chaos, don't they?

As far as sex blogs are concerned. Is sex not part of life? Forsake sex, and how are you gonna get 2.2 children per couple as replacement rate? I completely agree withhttp://sexwarfare.blogspot.com/" sex doll. Sex is a beautiful and natural part of life. NO WAY are we ever gonna get artifically inseminated and raise the kids. All work and no play??? Are you fucking NUTS?!

Hey think about it... every single person sitting in parliament right now, can trace his or her roots to one dark stormy night and hot torrid sex right?

So, last word on this, before I rant on and on. Folks that post, remember your audience. Powers that be, learn to let go before it kills you. And if you really want someone to always agree to everything you do and say, get a dog or a Philipino maid.

An Interesting thought.

I learnt this yesterday.

Anything "bad" that happens in life, we can look about it two ways. One, that it truly is something that sucks. Two, that it is something by which we can continuously improve on.

Kinda like computer game. No matter how many time we fuck up in the game, no matter how many times we "die", we keep going back and trying to find a way to get through the stage.

What's the reward for that? Another stage, another level, more difficult, more challenging than the current one.

Do we consider that to be sucky? Nope! Some obsessive game freaks even try to unlock the secret bonus super-hard, tear your hair out, ultra-frustrating level created by the sick demented powers that be, just so as to get a little more kick out of their lives.

I know someone like that. My dear ex-room mate Alan, went through Final Fantasy 9 at least 5 times. I know. I watched him do it. He MUST unlock every single cheat, every bonus weapon, every spare spell for EVERY FREAKING CHARACTER IN THE GAME.

He'll trawl the internet to find all the cheats, all the walkthroughs, even crack a few codes, and play every single character twice to find the "best builds" for each character. Now that my friends, is dedication.

Imagine doing that to your life. Think it'll make a difference how you'll live and the way you see things in your life?

Btw, for the game "Magic", my single round maximum damage stands at 117 points. Beat THAT!

Lamenting the departure of a friend...

It's official, my home comp is on its last breath.

After a long illustrious career, my desktop is nearing the end of its life. It's been almost a decade, much longer than any of his peers. It has moved beyond the status of a reliable home implement, to something that's much closer.

It has been a friend and a companion through the last decade of my life.

Wow... a third of my life, with one object.

A lot of memories in those integrated circuit board.

It came into being as an experiment in computer building by my uncle before he migrated to Canada. It turned out well, and it was purring like a kitten when we first threw the switch and electricity flowed through its power supply.

Over the next decade after that fateful day, it has witnessed the transitions of my life from student to working adult.

It's been with me when I was writing my Final Thesis for my graduation, as well as my first resume.

It has in its memory the times where I chatted with all my buddies from around the world.

It remembers the time when my ex wrote a "Dear John" email to me.

The fun times on IRC, msn, and ICQ, and some more colourful times on internet. Yes yes, I admit, I have seen porn on the internet. 2/3 of Singaporeans admit to have done it. The other one third's lying.

Some say, that the soul of the computer, if it has one, is in the hard disk. If that's the case... Maybe, just maybe... we'll see a revival (Frankenstein comes to mind)

Wonder where the soul of the human lies...

Strange Driving Habits of the Singaporean

I noticed something recently when I am driving.

Every single time I try to filter from one lane to another, whether it be on minor 2 laners, or the PIE, the SECOND I switch ON my right signal, the car on the "target lane" will immediately ACCELERATE!

It's strange. I even tried just switching on my signal but NOT changing lanes... or switching lanes, but not signalling (forgive me, traffic police, but this is in the spirit of experimentation). And guess what, when I switch on my signal light, the other car, no matter how far back, will start speeding up.

In fact, I noticed that I was doing it myself as well. Till I caught myself and slowed down again. It's more regular than a bull charging a red cloth.

Is it possible? Can we Singaporeans be all brain-washed at birth? Or perhaps there is something sinister about the new plastic Singapore driver's license?

The next experiment I'd conduct will be leaving my driver's license at home. Let's see if it works on quashing this strange compulsion.

Hmmm... more on this experiment next time.

The Ladder Theory

This is something that I found in my university days. Interesting... and it substantiated my "bastard theory". But we'll talk about the bastard theory another day at another time.

What the heck is the ladder theory? People, time to do some reading.

Interesting isn't it?

Sorry ladies, but even you know that you don't say everything that's in your head. True?

One of my pet peeves is when I hear a gal says,"All I want is a nice guy. But all of them are either married or gay." Maybe I'm getting cynical. Maybe I had a pretty crap experience at some point of time in the last 26 years. Or maybe, JUST maybe, too often that's NOT what women want.

Way I see it, the reason why there are so few available "nice guys" is cos they get killed off. Kinda like the hydrogen atom in nature. Either it finds something else to bond to, or it will have to change.

What do nice guys change to? Bastards.

From observation, some of the biggest bastards around were, at some point of time in their lives, the nicest guys.

Also, the HORNY human male is one of the most adaptable, and possibly one of the most determined lifeforms on earth. In fact, we're a veritable force of nature. If women truly desire the nice guy, there is gonna be a heck of a lot more nice guys around. Truly.

Another thought. Ladies, I put forward to you, that the "nice guy" is boring. In South America, they have a saying, "May all your dreams be fulfilled but ONE." They know this. If something fulfils every single one of your desires, there is no more drive, no more desire, no more excitement, no more... spark.

Be careful what you wish for. Because you just might get it.

Lads and lassies, if you have found your other half, good for you. Your lives will never be perfect. Your partners is not perfect. That's what makes your partner, your partner. The good, the bad, everything. Treasure EVERYTHING.

If you haven't, no need to rush. Take your time and enjoy your singlehood.

On a lighter note

Ahhh... CoCo Latte....

I think I'm gonna be chillin at that place for a good long time to come.

It is interesting to get to know the people that work there as well.

The bouncer with the Superman dogtag.... the bartender with a tag that looks like a turntable, and that cute waitress that seem to always get in me way.

I actually intended to get back a little earlier... but hey... who can resist good RnB eh?

Popped over to the Liquid and DXO today. DXO is completely DEAD. The decor is nice though, so if you wanna chill, maybe, JUST maybe DXO might not be a bad place to go... but for dancing... forget it. Liquid, well.... I'll head over when Coldflow is behind the decks. House and trance just attracts the wrong kinda crowd... standing around and shit...

Welll tomorrow is gonna be a half day. I reckon I can get my article done in the day then head out at night... all i need is good company and more importantly, good music. Maybe I can persuade Ti Eu to get me over to that retro private party he was talking about.

Hmmm... something to look forward to... Been a while since I actually had a good dance and a good snog... I'll see if we can work something out this weekend.

Complications in Life

I am reminded of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Not the book but the series... Somewhere along the way, I read about the BIRD. And it was an interesting concept. It introduced the concepts of filters and how everything that exists has some kind of filter, and need these filters to survive.

Remove the filters, and remove life. On the other hand, if a being can take live with absolutely no filters, that being becomes pretty damn close to omnipotent.

Back to life in general. Over the last few months, I have realized that people really, Really, REALLY need complications. For them, it works the same way. See the clutter in your room? See the way that doctors try to name every single damn bone in the body, and give a completely unintelligible name for every other muscle?

Sometimes the reason why people do NOT like things being simple is cos perhaps that takes away from their sense of importance. Say trading. Why go for inanely complicated concepts when simple ones make tons of cash?

Cos they don't feel safe. Folks need to find out EVERYTHING. This is their security blanket.

Me, I'm relatively simple, I believe. That's because I'm absolutely, completely, sanely LAZY.

I have completely NO desire or energy to expend outside of the necessary. Loads of other much more interesting things out there to occupy my time and energy. Partying, Salsa, taking over the world...

I reckon that most depressed people in the world have the most complex views on life. Make it simple, and bring it back to basics, and I think the world is a much better, and much happier place to live.

"I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation."

Let me translate that, "I'm sorry if i said anything to upset you."

DAMN, I love Blackadder. And that's not only because he's got the same first name as moi.

For those of you who haven't watched it, you don't know what you're missing out on. Then again, it's for smart people only. You Yankee sitcom lover types... this may be a little too much for ya.

The Seinfeld Intelligence Test

I have found a very fast way of figuring out whether a person is relatively intelligent.

1. Ask if the person enjoys watching Seinfeld (especially the stand-up comedy bit).
2. If the fellow has never watched it, run one of the excerpts from his stand-up routine by him or her.

Don't like Seinfeld, can't be that smart. Works just about every time I tried it out really.

So, do YOU like Seinfeld?

Love or Money

Another eternally debated question.

Should I comment on it? Probably. If nothing else, simply because signs demand that I should. Glenn and the Flying Dutchman talked about it this morning, and when I went to blinkymummy's website I saw another post on it.

Personal feel, this is a question where either extreme of the answer is liable to be wrong. No money, both starve to death. Without love, the relationship is doomed to failure. The answer, rather lies in one's opinion in one of the infinite shade of grey between either extreme, and totally depend on one priority.

On one hand, the man is the traditional breadwinner in the Asian Family. On the other, I firmly believe every man wants his partner to see him for more than his wallet. Just like women want a man that can see past her tits.

And the bigger the wallet, or the tits, the harder it is to see past those trappings to the person behind.

That's why the man doesn't like it when the woman always talks about money. It demeans the man. Ladies, would you really want your guy to come up to you and say, hun, I love you, but you gotta get bigger tits. Right?

We all want the good life. Question is, how high is that on your list of priorities?

Question for the ladies, Love or money?
Question for the gents, Love or tits?

Maybe men and women aren't that different after all...

Together Forever?

Walking back home one day with a friend that was gonna move to another church nearer to her new home, I commented,"Hey quite sad that you're leaving... it's only been a short time since you came and now you're going again."

She said,"Well, used to it already."

I was surprised... that's a pretty calloused thing to say.

She carried on by saying,"After all, people come in and out of your life all the time. Ever since you started going to school. People come and go, some stay longer than others... used to it already."

I was quiet for a long time after that. From that day on, I resolved to leave a mark in the lives of the people I meet. No matter how small, no matter how short a time.

---------------------
So,

To the people that come into my life, Thank You. All of you have made an impact in my life. I am what I am today, because of the things that happen in that time that we shared together.

You guys and gals have all done a pretty damn good job. Look at me now. Heh! Wipe that look of horror from your face. I know you love me.

To these same people that touched my life, I hope I have made a contribution to yours too.

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If I write down everything that shaped me, and each and every individual person that contributed, I'll be blogging for the rest of my life. Let the paperwork take care of itself. Or read my autobiography when I'm 83.

California Fitness

No, I have not relented in my NO GYM policy... after all, like what my brother said, all one needs to do for upper body, is just handstand pushups to train the muscles that push, and pull ups... well to train the muscles that pull.

The rest of the body? Well, legs, just STOP TAKING LIFTS. and waist, nothing 200 crunches won't solve.

I went there primarily cos they have been bugging me. Make an appointment, go down... look at the inane, idiotic machines I know i'll never use.

Reason I went down is simply cos I wanted to meet Zan face to face. Zan is the sales guy that has been calling me up. EDMUND HAVE YOU TURNED GAY?? Shush! Shut your filthy mouth! Never will I give up my love for the fairer sex.

Nope, I have not become deranged from whiskey deficency. Yet. It's cos I had a conversation with him on Monday night about what HE wanted to do. And about coming out and finding your own path in life.

Yes yes, it's the old speech about how you can live your dreams now... Why wait? And all that... He seems rather affected by it, so I reckon, hey, why not? See what this chap is all about.

On the plus side, maybe, he'll get shaken out of his repose and actually do something about the whole situation, then after that succeed and live happily ever after with his American gf. And as a reward for this good deed, I was given the opportunity to ogle at this TRULY hot chick.

Hmm... when I truly retire, I'll go work for Cali simply for eye candy.

That'll be AFTER I take my revenge on the French for making us pay shitloads of money for tiny lil bits of food they call gourmet. Wonder if another definition of gourmet is small crumbs of food on big plates. Or the french word for "idiot".

On the negative side... my car got shat on AGAIN by birds!!! Freaking asshole birdbrains that use cars for cannon fodder! Here's another thing to add to my list. Take a gun to Orchard and BLOW those fuckers outta their freaking nests.

No wonder most of the car parks are below ground. FUCK!

The musings of an overworked, under rested mind...

Find this phrase familiar?

You might. Especially if you went to university with me. It is the title of that small blue notebook that the school bookshop gives out with all those textbooks that you bought.

It started because I was giving my friend Sandy ideas to go out on a date with her then bf. Then it occured to me. Edmund you bloody idiot. Always giving people ideas for dates. When it comes time for YOU to bring someone out, it's always movie and dinner. FUCK! I gotta go write all these ideas down!

And so it started. That blue book was on my table every time I studied. A lot of my mates (why is it that so many people hear "maids" recently?? I think I gotta throw an Ozzie accent in and see if it works better) started writing in it... it became a place to vent and write ANYTHING, instead of just ideas.

That phrase went onto the cover of that blue book somewhere along the way, as well as some other corny drawings.

I still have that book somewhere... I think I'll take it out and bring it around again. Wonder what other ideas the people I meet will have.

Origins

It just occured to me where the inspiration of my nickname comes from. 2 places I think.

1. Quantum Leap

Remember that show? Long long time ago, about a scientist who, because of an accident in a time travel device ends up jumping from person to person throughout the course of history?

I LOVED that show. I was hmm... what, an impressionable 10-year-old at the time? I guess it is partly because it's sci-fi, and well, the hero really makes an impact in someone's life... someone who later changes the course of history.

The bittersweet thing is, after that, he gets zapped off again, and he goes on and on and on...

A wanderer through time and space, impacting people's lives, and then moving on. Kinda like a wanderer don't ya think?

2. Old westerns

And other stories like that. Notably, The Gunslinger from The Black Tower series in Stephen King, and from David Gemmell, Waylander, and that cowboy from another one of his books. The title slips my mind, but the impact remains.

All reach out to touch the world in some way, and then, they move on. The lone wanderer riding into the sunset...

Kinda romantic, kinda bittersweet, and yet, something... desirable?

Racism

Let's talk about race. Sensitive topic? Yeah, but hey I like steak, let's kill sacred cows.

Now those of you who know me, when it comes to women, I am an absolute Singaporean. The guy that added the phrase,"Regardless of Race, Language or Religion..." is a man after my own heart, or any other body part you might, or might not, want to name.

I believe that the line between racism and preference is thin and often crossed. Let me give you an example.

I have a malay friend that absolutely adores chinese chicks. I have Chinese friends that wouldn't touch Indian gals with a meter rule. Is that racism? Or preference?

I detest raw onions on my burgers, and I will NEVER eat canned fish. Am I then, an onionist and a canned-fishist?

Now CLEAR examples of racism, I get. People who immediately attribute certain qualities to people simply because of colour. I believe THAT is racism. Positive OR negative traits. Avoidable? Yes, but only with a lot of exposure and understanding.

When is racism eradicated? When one can JOKE about someone else's skin colour COMFORTABLY and everyone takes it as it is... a joke.

Are we ever gonna get there? Well in this lifetime, unfortunately not... too many prudes around. Maybe when India and China takes over the whole world and everyone's a nice mocha colour with a slight yellowish base.

Well that's something to look forward to yeah?

10 grand US

Did a calculation of exactly how much money I missed since the 2P course.

US$11,000. FUCK!

I be getting my margin together and getting my ass down to Ong First right NOW.

Watch out world... I'm gonna be kicking a lot of ass now babes...

Enough is Enough.

Bombing Iraq

I know a lot of you have heard this before. It is something I truly believe.

I believe that Iraq should be bombed. With barrels upon barrels of Fosters and Budweisers.

If this was done, and the US army "invaded" with dispensers, they would have had the war over in 10 days, and be hailed as heroes.

Simple military tactics right?

In the land of the unopened barrels, the man with the one tap dispenser is king.


WORLD PEACE!

Money

Occured to me that many say that MONEY is the ROOT to all Evil.

I beg to differ.

MONEY is neutral. The evil is already in the person, and money only allows that evil to manifest.

Do people change after getting a ton of money? I don't think so. It only allows ALL aspects of that person to come out. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Now that the bad is not bound by the fetters of an empty wallet, there need be other ways to keep in under control. That is the TRULY scary bit about money.

Think about it.

Power

Loads of different kinds of power in the world.

Most think, physical, politics. The kind that Uncle Lee has, well... That's pretty close to Godhood ain't it?

There are other kinds. Beauty, the ability to persuade, Money. Whilst money is a force by itself. The ability to buy whatever one's heart desires is a kind of power. Technology. In fact, anything with an ability to affect someone else's world is power. The difference? Magnitude.

And with magnitude, comes responsibility. Bruce Almighty was an amazing movie. Funny, of course, Jim Carrey is always funny. But there was an enormous thought that laid under that slapstick humour, that I reckon most of the movie go-ers missed.

If you asked for power, are you ready to take on the responsibility of that same power?

There is always a cost. Always a flipside to everything. Welcome to the real world. Many desire beauty. Or tons of cash. Goodness knows enough people have died to put someone else on a fancy gilded chair (I say, just go Ikea. I'm sure you can DIY a throne, somewhere). Too often, we see the glamour, or the fun, and not the dark side of power, the COST.

Most people want to be beautiful. The flip side? An alienation from the "common masses". It must suck to have half the people one meets reduced to gibbering bags of hormones. Can't get a decent conversation going to save your life. End up attracting 101 sleaze bags, or jerks. It takes a lot of effort to be centre of attention, doesn't it?

Too much money? Too much political power? Simple. Who are your real friends?

Often, people who have power tend to lonliness, or hang with the rest who are similar. In a certain paradox, the person who can best wield power, is also the one who rejects it, and it becomes a necessary burden. Those of you who doubt, consider reading the Parafaith War by L.E. Modesitt Jr.

Overwhelming intelligence? Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card. Real life examples? Da Vinci, Picasso, Einstein even. When one cannot balance the enormous burden of power, one tends towards eccentricity.

My thoughts are that there are 2 ways one can deal with power. Find your balance. Internal or external. Understand that there are concepts bigger than even the enormous burden you are given, and use that power the way one might use a gift. Pray hard for wisdom and for strength to use it. Consider this, that the strongest, greatest, biggest, most POWERFUL creations in nature, are also almost always the most gentle. The blue whale, the elephant... even the most poisonous of snakes are reclusive and would only strike in extreme self defense.

The other? Go mad. Much easier to have an unhinged mind, really. Retreat from reality. Run. Examples you say? Picasso is a classic one.

The next time you ask for a gift, consider. Have you the ability to use it? Can you handle the added responsibility? Heard of the phrase, be careful what you wish for, cos you just might get it? You might.

If you have already been given one (it is my firm belief that everyone is AT LEAST given one, sorry, no useless lives consuming oxygen and food on this Earth as far as I'm concerned) , well, pray for strength, pray for humility, pray for wisdom, and pray for the simple joy that you might derive from using that gift well.

Thoughts on Love

Was browsing through some other folks' blogs today, and read something on love on this blog,
www.moblog.com.sg/blog/HostSara.

It occurs to me that most folks love getting swept off their feet. They want the romance in story books, and the "happily ever after".

Hard fact of life: NOT GONNA HAPPEN. EVER.

Sorry folks. Like life, there's probably never gonna be a story of happy-ever-after.

Happy-6-months - 90% of the time. Why? Consider this, for "sweeping off the feet" to occur, there can only be 2 situations.

1. Meet your partner in Judo class. I was... I get swept off my feet about 50 times a week. During grading, I get swept off my feet 50 times a DAY.
2. EVERYTHING is perfect. That means, for one side or the other, it's best-foot-forward time.

Problem is, "Best foot forward" is ALWAYS followed by "other foot catching up". 6 months is about as long as a typical person can tahan doing splits. There is a natural state for most people, best-foot-forward, is NOT natural.

Another thing, and this is absolutely human. After a really short time, even sharks' fin and bird's nest taste like crap. What do I mean? Singing under the block, endless chocs, flowers, talking on the phone till 6am in the morning... They get real old real fast don't they?

We humans hate shite, but it is the 70% shite in life and relationship that allows us to truly appreciate the 30% of the time the flowers bloom. And it be that short time, that makes all that mucking, raking and hard work worth it.

That being said, one's gotta know when to ditch the dead bush out to burn.

I guess my dear sista, Lyd, said it best,"You gotta accept your partner for who he or she is. All of it. The good and the bad, both. That's who that person IS. After that, the 2 of ya have to grow together." Simple isn't it? As with most simple things in life, overlooked and so hard to do. Bound to be some truth in that. She's got married last Sat.

Gotta add to your msg sis... Learnt this from a speaker at the National Achiever's Congress. The partner is there to balance you as well. Growth is uncomfortable and often painful. The partner is there to sooth the aches and encourage when you're down, and kick the ass when one's too comfortable.

Think about it.

Looking back

I just realized read through again some of the things that I wrote...

Man, it was THAT long ago since I wrote?

I can still remember that crazy night.

As you probably know, I drink a LOT less now. I don't usually drink when I'm depressed... It's weird. I'm one of those types that actually over drink when I'm happy. Caught up in the moment, and the like.

Anyways, right about now, I have a freaking toothache, and no time to visit the dentist.

Procrastinating about doing the write ups. Sheesh... writing IS draining in someways... liberating in others... I haven't decided which yet.

A year on

I have recently took to being a voyeur.

Fuck no dude! I don't mean I am running around with a pair of night vision goggles and peeping at couples in compromising positions.

I recently acquired the habit of reading other people blogs and peeping into their lives.

What is this newfound facination? I don't know, but looking at other people's experiences does give me more input, though I'm stuck at the office for extended periods of time. Kinda like a window into other people's lives where I live their experiences vicariously.

Now that got me to post again.

Yeah, I haven't done it for the longest time, but since I'm sitting in front of the computer, in the office, completely dry of inspiration and attempting to squeeze something out, I thought, hell why not... Let the words flow for a while and let's see if we can come up with something proper later.

A couple of things I realized. People are often lamenting about change. Prices changing, going up. People and places that moved beyond recognition after just a couple of years. And I thought... WTF?? What's the gripe about change, really?

I posted this comment in another blog, one from blinkymummy... I guess quite a lot of things led to me writing this, but hey, can't be plagerism if I was the same person that wrote this right?


"Hey what's wrong with change? Everything in the world evolves, right? That's what makes the world we live in so interesting isn't it?
Sure certain things we want to treasure and keep close to us. That is why we have our memory.
On the other hand, growing up does not mean growing cynical, or jaded. It means to grow through the shite. In fact, fertilizer is shit too, but in a different context right?
Someone real smart once said that life is 70% shite. Unfortunately, we humans are made such that we cannot grow without pain. The periods that gets us down are also the periods that we learn and grow the most.
So now I welcome pain, I welcome growth and new experiences. I welcome stepping out of my comfort zone and the awkwardness of learning things all over again. I hope I can do that till the day I die."

I seriously hope that this is true. I have learnt a LOT over the last year, since that fateful day I left APB. There still more to learn, other areas to explore, and hey, shit comes, shit goes... hopefully the lesson will remain.